Venting I Hate Wanting Things I Can't Have

[Celerity]

Even if I can fantasize and enjoy the pretty dreams my mind comes up with, I still find myself disappointed at the end of the day. The worst is when you know you are actively spinning your wheels about something impossible, something that is completely out of your reach. It's one thing to desire something you could have a chance of obtaining with better choices and quite another to bend to some infantile part of your mind that only feels and doesn't think.

I'm just tired of it - tired of struggling at life and struggling with myself. Death offers the only final escape from this repetitive dance between desire and disappointment.

 

[jar-baby]

quite another to bend to some infantile part of your mind that only feels and doesn't think

Perfectly worded. I feel exactly the same way. I've maladaptively daydreamed since I was 12. Logically, I know they're not real but, paradoxically, my emotional responses to them are. It feels pathetic but it's probably the best coping mechanism I have.
I can relate to being tired of limbo too. I'm not in a bad enough place to take action yet. But I wish it would just end already.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I think "hope is my least favorite emotion" is a good way to put it.

 

[Celerity]

I think "hope is my least favorite emotion" is a good way to put it.

- or "I feel much better since I've given up hope"