T
todestrieb
Member
- Dec 2, 2021
- 48
My child.
My child is manipulative and mean. They are conniving and unapologetic. They would step on the backs of anybody oblivious enough to crouch down to get wherever they wanted. I fight so hard to figure out whether or not it's my ex manipulating them first, but after what I saw today I'm confident they're both just equally disgusting human beings working independently from one another.
I spent my life savings on legal fees for my child. I was begged to bring them home. "They abuse me over here, please help me." So I did. And then today… they told me to kill myself. And so, I just might. I'd like to. Not out of spite. Out of desperation. Exhaustion. To escape the pain that people say is trivial and fleeting, yet has haunted me my entire life. What a wild world to live in where privilege includes the ability to exist.
In the beginning it wasn't just my child. I had a pretty nasty childhood, though not the worst I'd still never want to relive it. I lost my parents rather suddenly, each time left me with a sense of relief and a gaping hole in my soul. I lost my husband to his battle with mental illness and that shredded the void. Then my child left because they hated me. And so I existed here, dumbfounded and floating through life. Today though… today something just snapped in me. I have nothing else. Even if my child is ill themselves, and they are, I cannot save anybody before I save myself and I truly feel the world would be a lot less doom and gloom without me in it.
Maybe one day I'll overcome the SI and finally find my peace.
My child is manipulative and mean. They are conniving and unapologetic. They would step on the backs of anybody oblivious enough to crouch down to get wherever they wanted. I fight so hard to figure out whether or not it's my ex manipulating them first, but after what I saw today I'm confident they're both just equally disgusting human beings working independently from one another.
I spent my life savings on legal fees for my child. I was begged to bring them home. "They abuse me over here, please help me." So I did. And then today… they told me to kill myself. And so, I just might. I'd like to. Not out of spite. Out of desperation. Exhaustion. To escape the pain that people say is trivial and fleeting, yet has haunted me my entire life. What a wild world to live in where privilege includes the ability to exist.
In the beginning it wasn't just my child. I had a pretty nasty childhood, though not the worst I'd still never want to relive it. I lost my parents rather suddenly, each time left me with a sense of relief and a gaping hole in my soul. I lost my husband to his battle with mental illness and that shredded the void. Then my child left because they hated me. And so I existed here, dumbfounded and floating through life. Today though… today something just snapped in me. I have nothing else. Even if my child is ill themselves, and they are, I cannot save anybody before I save myself and I truly feel the world would be a lot less doom and gloom without me in it.
Maybe one day I'll overcome the SI and finally find my peace.