Venting i hate this religion

[collending]

this is my first time posting here, ive been lurking for a while but i didnt have any reason to post yet. i still dont really know the rules n how this site works but i just needed somewhere to say this. theres this girl im friends with and i love her so much. i have no idea if its romantic, but all i know is i want to be more than just her friend. she has the prettiest blue green eyes and i genuinely feel so happy when im with her. i know i want to spend the rest of my life with her. but the problem is she's muslim. islam's views on homosexuality and marriage are very strong, being gay is seen as a major sin. i know she likes me as a friend, but once shes old enough she'll meet some guy and marry him and have kids. even if we are still friends by then, iwill never be her favourite person or mean as much to her as she does to me. i love her so much and just knowing there'll be a day when she'll look at a man with the love i wish she had for me hurts so much. ive had crushed on other people before and i probably cried myself to sleep a few times since everyone ive liked has to be muslim but they were never like her. just seeing her makes me so happy and every time were together i feel like no one else exists but us. i can't even describe what i feel for her in words and knowing she'd probably be disgusted if she knew how i felt about her hurts mroe htan anything ever has and probably ever will. if only this stupid fucking religion just let us love who we want and marry for the sake of being with the person who means the most to you instead of popping out some kids and being 'protected', maybe id actually have a chance. but it doesnt. i dont know when ill kill myself but i know watching her leave my life and see some man in the place i would give anything to be in would uhrt more than going to hell ever would. sorry if this was kinda all over the place, ive never spoken to anyone about stuff like this since i never had a place to and my heads a bit jumbled right now

 

[Amakishiyo]

Religion aside, do you even know if she would date you, if her sexuality allows it in the first place?

 

[Memoka]

Are you sure it's about religion? Maybe she's just hetero

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be very painful what you have to endure, life really is so unnecessarily cruel and there could never be anything fair about existing in this world that causes people to suffer so much.

 

[collending]

Religion aside, do you even know if she would date you, if her sexuality allows it in the first place?

shes told me before that if she wasnt muslim, shed probably be bisexual so maybe? i dont know if she meant it as a joke or not but it didnt seem like one. i know i mean a lot to her as a friend as shes told me before, but i dont know if she'd like me in that way if she wasnt religious. even if she just liked me as a friend, id be happy just knowing the fact im gay wouldnt change the way she sees me and i wouldnt have to hide who i am with her

Are you sure it's about religion? Maybe she's just hetero

even if she was just straight and religion didnt affect that, its more the fact ill never be able to fully be myself with her since her knowing im gay would affect our friendship a lot and maybe even end it that hurts. im not entirely sure i like her romantically either, i just know she means more than anyone else ever has to me

 

[Amakishiyo]

shes told me before that if she wasnt muslim, shed probably be bisexual so maybe? i dont know if she meant it as a joke or not but it didnt seem like one. i know i mean a lot to her as a friend as shes told me before, but i dont know if she'd like me in that way if she wasnt religious. even if she just liked me as a friend, id be happy just knowing the fact im gay wouldnt change the way she sees me and i wouldnt have to hide who i am with her

even if she was just straight and religion didnt affect that, its more the fact ill never be able to fully be myself with her since her knowing im gay would affect our friendship a lot and maybe even end it that hurts. im not entirely sure i like her romantically either, i just know she means more than anyone else ever has to me

If she makes a joke like that it probably means she would be okay if she were to know you are gay, I doubt it would change that much but that's best to judge for yourself.

 

[rue]

i understand you very well op, i cant stand isl*m either. you can dm me if you want to talk abt it

 

[lukas19]

You can't complain about Mo's death cult! You'll be called racist & bigot!

He just said he hates his religion.

Think OP is a she.

 

[Avyn]

On topic: I can imagine the pain you feel @collending. Religion can be a good thing if imaginary rules weren't forced upon the believers and if hate wasn't promoted on certain minorities. Sadly islam is a religion that's not very peaceful when it comes to lgbtq.
You don't know for sure if she's not heterosexual so assuming it's the religions "fault" for her being straight is a bit of an overreaction.
I had a friend that was a muslim and I later found out she was just acting while she never believed in the religion, do you know if she is 100% traditional? Maybe you can try to be honest with her and tell her about your sexuality, she sounds pretty accepting! It's worth a try.

 

[collending]

On topic: I can imagine the pain you feel @collending. Religion can be a good thing if imaginary rules weren't forced upon the believers and if hate wasn't promoted on certain minorities. Sadly islam is a religion that's not very peaceful when it comes to lgbtq.
You don't know for sure if she's not heterosexual so assuming it's the religions "fault" for her being straight is a bit of an overreaction.
I had a friend that was a muslim and I later found out she was just acting while she never believed in the religion, do you know if she is 100% traditional? Maybe you can try to be honest with her and tell her about your sexuality, she sounds pretty accepting! It's worth a try.

youre right that i dont know for sure that she isnt straight, but ive told someone who i thought was a close friend that i wasnt straight before, and i ended up finding out they recorded the conversation on their phone and i have no idea what theyve done with it. i dont think my friend would do something like that but the paranoia of something like that happening again is always there. while there is a chance she would be accepting of me and it wouldnt change our relationship, the risk of her not and changing the way she sees me or being uncomfortable around me is too big.