I hate that I can't talk about it

[deadwithoutmusic]

I don't talk to any of my friends and family about how I want to ctb and only ever really mentioned it once to one person. Even my therapist I feel like I can't say anything because of the potential consequences of me getting detained somewhere or them trying to stop me. I think it would be so much easier if I could just express myself to friends and family without the possible consequences and leave this world knowing I made my peace with them without leaving some big secret I kept from them. It would also make it easier on them instead of this coming out of almost nowhere. It really makes my last moments here much worse that I can't speak to anyone. I am pretty determined I will leave regardless but it would be nice if I could chat to some of my friends about this stuff and it was more accepted to speak about it.

 

[NeverGrowUp]

I don't talk to any of my friends and family about how I want to ctb and only ever really mentioned it once to one person. Even my therapist I feel like I can't say anything because of the potential consequences of me getting detained somewhere or them trying to stop me. I think it would be so much easier if I could just express myself to friends and family without the possible consequences and leave this world knowing I made my peace with them without leaving some big secret I kept from them. It would also make it easier on them instead of this coming out of almost nowhere. It really makes my last moments here much worse that I can't speak to anyone. I am pretty determined I will leave regardless but it would be nice if I could chat to some of my friends about this stuff and it was more accepted to speak about it.

I watched a documentary the other day about a girl in the Netherlands in her 20s who was able to be granted euthanasia for mental illness. She sat with her father and talked over her life, discussed stuff with him and he seemed as supportive as possible. It seemed really wonderful, even utopian. I know exactly how you feel with wanting to be able to disclose it to others, I hate having to feel like I'm "lying" by not revealing everything to those around me.

 

[deadwithoutmusic]

I watched a documentary the other day about a girl in the Netherlands in her 20s who was able to be granted euthanasia for mental illness. She sat with her father and talked over her life, discussed stuff with him and he seemed as supportive as possible. It seemed really wonderful, even utopian. I know exactly how you feel with wanting to be able to disclose it to others, I hate having to feel like I'm "lying" by not revealing everything to those around me.

That sounds really nice. I would love to know the name of the documentary.

 

[sadworld]

Yeah, i also can't talk about it with anyone because i know that my friends and family would do everything to stop me and then i would have no chance to ctb. But atleast we have SS where we can talk about it.

 

[NeverGrowUp]

That sounds really nice. I would love to know the name of the documentary.

It's called "Letting You Go: A father stands by his daughter's choice to die" on YouTube

 

[isotopeangel180-5]

I resonate with this so much. It's actually why after lurking for a while, I've decided to make an account and take part in the conversation(s) with people honest, real, and unafraid enough to have them. I hate how even a simple mention of suicide gets everyone on edge. And never in a good way. It's usually never "why are you feeling this way" or something to open the door to an actual dialogue and help, it's a rush to virtue-signal and guilt-trip, and then make sure they aren't homicidal too or wanting to get emergency services involved. It sucks to say, but there's a lot I don't even tell my therapist because I know he is obligated to take note of it and possibly have to get LE or emergency services involved, even if I'm a threat to no one. I hate not being able to be myself and authentic all because society as a whole can't handle it and has led many others in our lives to believe they can't either.

 

[Trayus]

Whatever you do, don't talk to anyone in real life about it. I did that in a moment of weakness and it only brings more suffering. Modern society is simply not advanced enough for this level of self determination.

Have you tried writing a letter? Something they can read after you are gone? I think that would help greatly - both for you and them.

 

[deadwithoutmusic]

It's called "Letting You Go: A father stands by his daughter's choice to die" on YouTube

That was a really nice documentary. Her father seemed like such a nice and open minded person.

I resonate with this so much. It's actually why after lurking for a while, I've decided to make an account and take part in the conversation(s) with people honest, real, and unafraid enough to have them. I hate how even a simple mention of suicide gets everyone on edge. And never in a good way. It's usually never "why are you feeling this way" or something to open the door to an actual dialogue and help, it's a rush to virtue-signal and guilt-trip, and then make sure they aren't homicidal too or wanting to get emergency services involved. It sucks to say, but there's a lot I don't even tell my therapist because I know he is obligated to take note of it and possibly have to get LE or emergency services involved, even if I'm a threat to no one. I hate not being able to be myself and authentic all because society as a whole can't handle it and has led many others in our lives to believe they can't either.

Yeah there is definitely a lot of stigma to suicide, I've seen it all first hand when anyone even mentions it seriously. Ironically it keeps people from sharing their feelings when that is what a lot of people encourage. Atleast we have SS to share our feelings. It is still quite freeing being here even if it is with strangers, but it's strangers that understand and support each other.

Have you tried writing a letter? Something they can read after you are gone? I think that would help greatly - both for you and them.

I wrote a letter awhile ago with personalised messages to friends and family which I hope will help. I just need to find a way to get it to everyone without sharing it with EVERYONE.

 

[TheSkyIsBlue]

I know this, I'm in a similar situation. No one can look at it through my eyes.

I watched a documentary the other day about a girl in the Netherlands in her 20s who was able to be granted euthanasia for mental illness. She sat with her father and talked over her life, discussed stuff with him and he seemed as supportive as possible. It seemed really wonderful, even utopian. I know exactly how you feel with wanting to be able to disclose it to others, I hate having to feel like I'm "lying" by not revealing everything to those around me.

Wow, I wish a majority of people were like this.