rec
Mostly lurking
- Nov 2, 2020
- 35
I hurt myself badly a few days ago. I called 111 and they said they are sending an ambulance. I am on the top floor of the student house, so I decided to wait in the kitchen on the bottom floor. I messaged the group chat saying not to go into the kitchen. Everyone decided that my own business is their business and rushed into the kitchen. M said we need to stop the bleeding (it was not bleeding anymore) and said she is going to press a towel onto it. I said don't do that. She kept nagging until I said ok.
Two housemates, M and T came with me to the hospital in an uber. They flirted while I cried right next to them.
I found out yesterday that they told my university what happened ( I am on a course which could result in me having to have a year off if they found out). We had a talk tonight about why they did that. They think I should have a year off. I said I would ctb if it came down to that. I also let them know that self harm is not a big deal. I got 10 stitches yesterday. I started when I was 11.
Behind my back they called security. I said I never said that I was going to ctb. I asked if they are going to get in trouble for a false report. They said no. I then told them that M was planning an overdose on paracetamol and had 10 boxes in her room and had done it before and had her stomach pumped. I was just retaliating at this point. I know it was bad of me.
They spoke to M. As they were speaking T said that I said that M does crack all day. I said I never said that and told him that I said she was going to overdose on paracetamol. They are making things up about me. After, M came back, happy. I left for a bit and came back. M then called 999 ( I saw it on her phone as she walked out ). I said I saw the number she called and T asked what number it was. I told him.
Why are they doing things behind my back so much? I never said I was going to ctb soon. They are just retaliating. They want me to get kicked out of the university. They want to ruin my life even more.
I missed a week of university because I am not allowed in with a cough. I still haven't caught up. I was going to catch up enough tonight for the MANDATORY workshop tomorrow but I guess I can't. At this point they might make me have a year off. At that point I would ctb.
I have smuggled blades into psychiatric units before, so I am hiding blades on my body now. Or I could ctb now while I have the chance by partial suspension. I wanted to get something else to use while I used that method, though, and I don't have it yet. It was just to make it more comfortable and to reduce SI. Also I really wanted my last meal to be something nice like a takeaway pizza (don't judge I really like pizza) and not literally the worst chips and curry I have ever had. I could go and get a pizza now? One time someone called the police on me who called 999 on me for being suicidal and they took 12 hours to arrive.
Sorry it's long. I don't have anyone else I can tell these things. Sorry if it's all over the place. Hopefully you understand where I am coming from.
Should I go and get a pizza?
Two housemates, M and T came with me to the hospital in an uber. They flirted while I cried right next to them.
I found out yesterday that they told my university what happened ( I am on a course which could result in me having to have a year off if they found out). We had a talk tonight about why they did that. They think I should have a year off. I said I would ctb if it came down to that. I also let them know that self harm is not a big deal. I got 10 stitches yesterday. I started when I was 11.
Behind my back they called security. I said I never said that I was going to ctb. I asked if they are going to get in trouble for a false report. They said no. I then told them that M was planning an overdose on paracetamol and had 10 boxes in her room and had done it before and had her stomach pumped. I was just retaliating at this point. I know it was bad of me.
They spoke to M. As they were speaking T said that I said that M does crack all day. I said I never said that and told him that I said she was going to overdose on paracetamol. They are making things up about me. After, M came back, happy. I left for a bit and came back. M then called 999 ( I saw it on her phone as she walked out ). I said I saw the number she called and T asked what number it was. I told him.
Why are they doing things behind my back so much? I never said I was going to ctb soon. They are just retaliating. They want me to get kicked out of the university. They want to ruin my life even more.
I missed a week of university because I am not allowed in with a cough. I still haven't caught up. I was going to catch up enough tonight for the MANDATORY workshop tomorrow but I guess I can't. At this point they might make me have a year off. At that point I would ctb.
I have smuggled blades into psychiatric units before, so I am hiding blades on my body now. Or I could ctb now while I have the chance by partial suspension. I wanted to get something else to use while I used that method, though, and I don't have it yet. It was just to make it more comfortable and to reduce SI. Also I really wanted my last meal to be something nice like a takeaway pizza (don't judge I really like pizza) and not literally the worst chips and curry I have ever had. I could go and get a pizza now? One time someone called the police on me who called 999 on me for being suicidal and they took 12 hours to arrive.
Sorry it's long. I don't have anyone else I can tell these things. Sorry if it's all over the place. Hopefully you understand where I am coming from.
Should I go and get a pizza?
Also the towel left loads of fibres in the wound which is why I am angry about that.
I'm here for you if you need anything. To help you, to let you vent, or to keep you company for your last slice of pizza. But pizza is wonderful. I hope you can eat it hundreds more times.
