chudeatte
its over
- Aug 5, 2025
- 102
I really do hate everyone I meet or interact with in person. online it's different, less intimate, so im ok. but I despise everyone I face every day. I told my nan id go to dinner for her birthday next week just to be nice. most of my siblings will be there too. I can't stand any of them though. not a raging hatred kind of feeling, but more so that I just can't handle being around people in general and I hate eating out because im picky and that creates problems. I dont even have an appetite anymore so it's pointless for me to go if im not going to eat. I dont want to sit in a room full of people I feel so alien from, being quiet and not talking to anyone or giving awkward responses if I do get spoken to like usual. every single time I come home from seeing family I break down in my room beating myself up over what an idiot I am and I cut myself. there's a train track near the restaurant, I might just lie down on it before I have to go lol. I dont see the point anymore. even thinking of going makes me sick to my stomach I can't stand being around people. not strangers, not family, not friends (even though I have none), no one. im such a loser outsider freak fml
