Venting i hate people caring for me

[nopurposeinanything]

I have an 'awesome' life to sum it up. There's nothing wrong with my life except for me. My brain. My mental problems. I have parents who love me very much, two dogs whom I love very much, and a bunch of friends. But I have to ruin everything with my stupid shit. I'm so fed up. I'm on antidepressants and therapy. I just lie to my therapist or I'll end up in the MH. I'm not interested in getting better— I believe life will only get worse. Everyone will suffer in life one way or another. I believe the only way to stop my suffering is death, and I won't wait any longer for it to come. the only thing keeping me here are the people who care about me. I hate it, its such a burden. I dont want them to grieve me. I dont want them to be sad, especially my parents. Honestly I don't really care about my friends reactions, only my parents. They've done everything for me. They didn't have to. They use their hard earned money for a pathetic bitch like me—to take care of me, and this is how I repay them? How selfish could I be? They're good people and they didn't do anything wrong. Why did they have to be burdened with me? I'm so tired. I can't do this anymore.

 

[rosysagefame]

oh my god I relate so hard... aside from the friends part

 

[nopurposeinanything]

oh my god I relate so hard... aside from the friends part

its good to know someone relates with me. It's so frustrating

 

[ginko0]

Right there with you. Sometimes I wish I had abusive parents, like many of the members here do. At least then I could put the blame on someone. My parents have their psychological issues but they always cared for me and took care of me. I couldn't blame them for shit. Can't blame no one but me and my inability to live, my hatred for life and my idealism.

 

[nopurposeinanything]

Right there with you. Sometimes I wish I had abusive parents, like many of the members here do. At least then I could put the blame on someone. My parents have their psychological issues but they always cared for me and took care of me. I couldn't blame them for shit. Can't blame no one but me and my inability to live, my hatred for life and my idealism.

Very well said. I wish before I die, I could repay them somehow. I wish they hated me, that they didn't care about anything I did. The only person I can blame is myself and my selfishness. Also omori pfp !!

 

[greenbeans]

im the same way except i have a few friends only 2 know and only 1 cares and only one parent who says im not acting right becuase i have scars. Well i guess im not the same at all but the only thing wrong about my life is me. But my way of repaying everyone is im slowly pushing them away im also trying to move far away so they wont know when i die.

 

[nopurposeinanything]

im the same way except i have a few friends only 2 know and only 1 cares and only one parent who says im not acting right becuase i have scars. Well i guess im not the same at all but the only thing wrong about my life is me. But my way of repaying everyone is im slowly pushing them away im also trying to move far away so they wont know when i die.

I get it. I self harm too, I've been doing it for a few years now. My dad always gets mad when I 'relapse'—not that I stay clean anyway.

 

[ginko0]

Very well said. I wish before I die, I could repay them somehow. I wish they hated me, that they didn't care about anything I did. The only person I can blame is myself and my selfishness. Also omori pfp !!

Yeah xD, the only game that made me actually feel something the last few months. Ever played it?

 

[offlineangels]

I wish there was a way to just disappear— no body, no physical traces and no memories left behind.

This would be the only true sort of freedom: A total erasure of ones own existence.

 

[nopurposeinanything]

Yeah xD, the only game that made me actually feel something the last few months. Ever played it?

Nah, I've watched a few gameplays here and there but never played. Should I?

 

[woofwag]

I can relate. Even though I have my issues and my trauma, I know that I am still very lucky to be where I'm at. It feels like it would be a whole lot easier if things were that much harder. I will say though, mental illnesses are still disabilities. I have a feeling people would respect CBT'ing due to physical pain a lot more than CBT'ing due to mental pain. And as someone who has both physical and mental disabilities, they are just as miserable as the other (and often go hand-in-hand).

I don't have a whole lot else to add besides saying that I love your PFP. I know the exact comic panel it's from and frankly I'm obsessed with it lol

 

[nopurposeinanything]

I can relate. Even though I have my issues and my trauma, I know that I am still very lucky to be where I'm at. It feels like it would be a whole lot easier if things were that much harder. I will say though, mental illnesses are still disabilities. I have a feeling people would respect CBT'ing due to physical pain a lot more than CBT'ing due to mental pain. And as someone who has both physical and mental disabilities, they are just as miserable as the other (and often go hand-in-hand).

I don't have a whole lot else to add besides saying that I love your PFP. I know the exact comic panel it's from and frankly I'm obsessed with it lol

I really hope the best for you. I dont have any physical disabilities so I wouldn't know, but I know it must be painful.

Hehe, thank you, I lovee the artist so much, they're on Twitter! (or X, lol)

 

[ginko0]

Nah, I've watched a few gameplays here and there but never played. Should I?

Definitely, if you want a laugh and don't mind some spooky vibes. Rpg maker games are the best!

 

[fungus]

I can relate to the part with your parents. Mine also care a lot and I absolutely hate the fact that they worry about me. I would prefer unloving parents. It would make things in some ways easier.
And it doesn't really help or makes me feel better that they care about me, I just feel more trapped. If they would be complete shit then there would be no reason to feel guilty, or egoistic about being depressed or wanting to die.
But with everyone around me being nice and trying to do their best I just feel worse.

 

[heatnormal]

another type of purgatory is when people around you can sense what you're about to do, so they call services on you. love can quickly turn into control. maybe parents remember you as a young child -- they want to believe that at some point, the "old" you can come back?

 

[ForeverSubhuman]

I'm simultaneously a worthless parasite nobody cares for and an entitled bitch at the same time.

 

[nopurposeinanything]

I'm simultaneously a worthless parasite nobody cares for and an entitled bitch at the same time.

That's exactly how I feel. When I feel like no one cares about me I spiral and have a mental breakdown like a self centered bitch—and when people do care i hate it.

 

[ForeverSubhuman]

I wish there was a way to just disappear— no body, no physical traces and no memories left behind.

This would be the only true sort of freedom: A total erasure of ones own existence.

That should be me.

 

[nopurposeinanything]

I wish there was a way to just disappear— no body, no physical traces and no memories left behind.

This would be the only true sort of freedom: A total erasure of ones own existence.

Exactly. Like I was never born in the first place.