I hate not knowing

[Painless_end]

I hate not knowing whether I want to CTB or not. And if I do, which method will be most likely to succeed.

Imagine if those of us who were on the fence possessed this knowledge. If we knew that CTB was definitely not going to succeed, then we would free up our mind to think or work on something else.

If we knew it was to be successful and the method, we would be able to do it right away.

Either way, it would save a tremendous amount of mental suffering for millions of CTB wishers every year.

It would be like finding the cure for the cancer of the mind.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

At the risk of sounding like a pro-lifer, I think you do know. You want to want it, but you don't... at least, thats how I feel.

I think about suicide frequently, but I also kind of know I'm not really going to do it. TBH I feel really ashamed of it - I feel like I'm "not suicidal enough". Maybe I just want attention, or for people to feel sorry for me. I know that its not like that, but its what I believe.

I think the truth is that you can't help how you feel. Its a dreadful burden living with suicidal thoughts, but not wanting to act on those thoughts means theres still hope - however little.