Venting I hate new years

[guestguest360]

I can't be the only one that finds this time of year really difficult. Everyone around me is talking about their plans for the new year and all the things they want to achieve. But as the clock struck midnight I just felt this immense feeling of dread. Another year of trying to keep myself afloat. It's been over a decade of suicidal ideation and I'm truly so tired. I really do think this year will be the year that I go. I guess that's the only goal I have for this year.

 

[niki wonoto]

new year, same shits basically. welcome to reality.

 

[SoulCage]

I am having the same painful feeling. Thinking about the past year, how much I suffered compared to how much it was at least "bearable". And new year starts, nothing has changed, everyone talks about their motivation of life. When you try to talk to those people about your struggles then you get a "just be more positive" or "don't worry about" or "if you think this way you will never be able to get out of is".
My inner thoughts when I hear this:
Bitch, it has been this way for years and look at all the political, social and economic shit that is happening. Do you really think humanity can get out of this? Make sure that even people with mental disorders or hypersensitivity are accepted and treated with dignity? That earning a living shouldn't be a matter of sacrificing your health?
Telling me to be positive just makes me more angry, because I already tried that so many times, but life throws rocks at you all the time and I seem to have never learned to properly deal with it (maybe because of bad childhood experience, maybe DNA), why should I be able to do now? How does one fix my source code?

Sorry, I went a little self-centered now.
But maybe you can relate to my words and feel relief that it's okay to be upset with the people who throw the same old npc platitudes at you......

 

[stardusted]

i feel the same way. occasions like new years and birthdays are just painful reminders to me of how long it's been hurting and how different i am from everyone else and how much time i've lost.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, I just always find it so dreadful to exist and I always feel so tired of it all, to suffer for another year in this torturous existence is just so terrible and painful to me, more than anything I wish I never suffered at all.