I hate needing help with things.

[Livingvsdying25]

Today I feel def alot "better" than before.

Dad didn't come yesterday havnt heard from him yet today honestly none of this would be a problem IF I wasn't sick as hell IF I didn't already tell him I need help packing.

Like its be easy if I was well and then it didn't matter when he came but nope.

I tried to eat a bit today and honestly not going well.

I'm weak ik what I needa do/throw away but honestly in general when my dad and brother try to help me.with things i find hard when down or sick (i.e. stuff like hellijg me cleans nd pack) its awkward and stressful as fuck.
I've made it clear I wasn't able and ik they are still gonna chastise me for not being ready. I know we are going to end up rushing.

Itll a be my fault in the end and yes I take the blame.but jesus the disorganization and I made it CLEAR I cant.

Ugh won't matter anyway I'm tired as hell


I still feel very done and ready to CTB but knowing my life rn is so god damn imbalanced and I'm waiting on others to help me sort through it is just... ugh.

I'm already nauseous so it's just more nauseating.

 

[pole]

i feel as if i'm also like this. i'm sort of a very dependent on someone else person at times, and it's because of my own stresses and anxiety that stop me from doing things.

but i also absolutely HATE asking things from people, getting help from people and feeling like a burden to people. why waste their time, when they have better things to do than help me?

 

[Livingvsdying25]

So I napped for a few hours hones I've tried but eating is just... meh.

I just called my dad to come cause then I'll get in the shower but no answer.

I feel terrible sick gross. Like I've been sick the last month but this is legit the worse it's been.

It has to happen pretty much anyway but honestly I don't know how ima move.

I'm sooo cold too :(

I really wish my parents didn't push so much.
any other week wouldn't been ok. But now?? I have to do half ass and sick fuuucckkk man...

I do not have the money to cover this I dunno what ima do. And honestly no offense to them but I kinda know that (dad especially) half asses thing that aren't directly his....

I feel like wants gonna happen is a rushed moved and then having to only take half my shit or as much as I can and having my mom sort through the rest and give it to me. Bc she'll want all the control and to make sure ik it's on her time not mine.

All in all om stressed as fuck bc I lirerally cant do this but they are going to force me to anyway.
This move was suppose to be mine :(

So I napped for a few hours hones I've tried but eating is just... meh.

I just called my dad to come cause then I'll get in the shower but no answer.

I feel terrible sick gross. Like I've been sick the last month but this is legit the worse it's been.

It has to happen pretty much anyway but honestly I don't know how ima move.

I'm sooo cold too :(

I really wish my parents didn't push so much.
any other week wouldn't been ok. But now?? I have to do half ass and sick fuuucckkk man...

I do not have the money to cover this I dunno what ima do. And honestly no offense to them but I kinda know that (dad especially) half asses thing that aren't directly his....

I feel like wants gonna happen is a rushed moved and then having to only take half my shit or as much as I can and having my mom sort through the rest and give it to me. Bc she'll want all the control and to make sure ik it's on her time not mine.

All in all om stressed as fuck bc I lirerally cant do this but they are going to force me to anyway.
This move was suppose to be mine :(

Holy fuck I messaged my dad AND CALLED HIM. they legit just picked up the vans and are on their way like does anyone listen or care??? course not.
Now I know where I get that shitty "fake it till you make it" energy.

No one show as supposed to cared so I just have to do it all anyway.

Whatever all I can hope is to get this done quick and such.

I am so cold but so hot.

I'm feeling so negatively about the world and people. I'm just very very tired of everything and ima need to keep it all locked up and keep my energy "up" until this is done.