I hate myself when I'm drunk but can't stop drinking

[looking_for_peace]

Once again got drunk last night and said too much. I hurt someone's feelings, made someone else uncomfortable, and texted an ex-friend (who I swore I would never talk to again) just for some conversation. So now the latter is messaging me again and the other two are ignoring me. The shame I felt waking up was worse than the hangover. I'm going to try and stop drinking. Fuck, this is my second attempt, and tbh I don't even want to stop. It doesn't help that there are drinks everywhere because of Christmas. I feel so pathetic

 

[timf]

There are many people who have gone down the road you are on. It might help to visit an AA meeting. You don't even have to talk with anyone, you can just listen. If you want, you can connect with all sorts of people who are trying to stay sober.

AA Meeting Locator - Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting Near Me Search

www.aa-meetings.com

 

[Celerity]

It's really hard. I drink more than I should as well, though much less than I used to. I agree with @timf that a support group might be helpful here. If AA isn't your speed, there are alternatives. Secular AA and AA Agnostica are two that I can think of.

If you aren't ready for such a step just yet, I got a lot out of meetings for ACOA - Adult Children of Alcoholics (and Dysfunctional Families). Their view is more broadly focused on mental heath issues that stem from one's upbringing/home life.

 

[justwanasleep]

I'm a massive dickhead when I'm drunk too. I'm a huge fuck up and trust me I've done much worse than make people uncomfortable when I've been pissed and I have no shame. This too shall pass but if you keep drinking you'll probs do something even worse next time and think this time was nothing. Or you can stop drinking (if you can). I wish you the best.

 

[wantittoendsoon]

I have to agree, AA is a great resource. The helped me and now that I can't drink for medical reasons I still go to meeting just for the companionship. Like Timf said, just go and listen, it could help. The only thing that gets me is the Higher power God stuff as I'm an atheist but that aside it has done nothing but help me.

 

[Exact Change]

The guilt and regret after drinking can be so painful. There are nights when I can't sleep (because of all the liquor) and just feel like shit. I truly understand. Maybe you are ready for a 12-step program. But, if you aren't, just remember that you can only do better as you move forward. The past is past. Try to leave it in the past.

 

[Red-Eyed-and-Blue]

I would recommend trying AA. All the god shit can be annoying, but the sense of community can be very helpful. You also don't have to say/share anything if you go. I know it was very helpful for my father, who was a horrible alcoholic and it managed to keep him sober for the last 7 years. Just something to consider

 

[DaatiSimi]

Try Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds my friend. I have read it helps with alcoholism

 

[CowsAgainstCapitali]

I struggle with drinking. I feel the compulsion even when I don't actually want to get drunk. It hit me as I write. And I am an absolute cruel emotionally abusive piece of shit when I do it.

Mitragyna speciosa is the name of a plant which is commonly sold in powder form as KRATOM. When I take kratom alone or in combination with cannabis I feel what I describe as "general sense of well being" which is very nice. The better I feel, the less likely I am to drink.

But it's most effective use for me personally is a deterrent. I may get the urge, but the fact that I have mitragynine in my system at all times also means giving in to that urge will result in violent illness. The only other thing that has made me that physically ill was a failed ctb attempt.

All substances will affect all individuals differently. If you have not already, I would highly recommend reading about it. It's a daily routine and not for everyone.

This alcoholic is here.

 

[LittleJem]

Just posted in thread above about the excellent results for LSD and alcoholism. Here's one of the papers again:

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0269881119845793

 

[ferny]

That's a really understandable way to feel, this kind of shit sucks. Personally I'm just a social drinker that cannot control my intake = i always end up blackout drunk at parties or at clubs, and don't remember shit the day after and thus i always end up worried or feeling guilt about things i've done. I really can't stop drinking though, because it's one of the only things that typically makes me feel okay with everything.

 

[nonialabaster]

Once again got drunk last night and said too much. I hurt someone's feelings, made someone else uncomfortable, and texted an ex-friend (who I swore I would never talk to again) just for some conversation. So now the latter is messaging me again and the other two are ignoring me. The shame I felt waking up was worse than the hangover. I'm going to try and stop drinking. Fuck, this is my second attempt, and tbh I don't even want to stop. It doesn't help that there are drinks everywhere because of Christmas. I feel so pathetic

I hear you. I'm an old lady, but you can message me, if you'd like.

I hear you. I'm an old lady, but you can message me, if you'd like.

Message me, if you are still aroud.

 

[wait.what]

I'm in early recovery (again) myself, but you can contact me too, @looking_for_peace. I don't love AA, but I use it as a tool because it's what's available. Anyway, their literature says "we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful." You are not the only person who has started the day by swearing they'd never drink again & then ended the night blackout drunk. Then they ask you why, and you're like, "uhhh, idk?"

Just posted in thread above about the excellent results for LSD and alcoholism. Here's one of the papers again:

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0269881119845793

Are you effing shitting me? This is a thing? Like the study's effects were replicatable? Acid is supposed to help with depression too. I've never wanted to try it, because the thought of seeing weird shit that isn't there freaks me out, but this might be worth it. Does the abstract say what the procedure was? Like presumably they didn't all drop acid and then lie around listening to Jimi.

 

[LittleJem]

Here are some more papers.

I don't know what the procedure was. Some of them are mainly with music with therapy after maybe that's my guess. Here's a lot of articles - if y9u can find the process, let us know!

But start on half a tab. then the next trip maybe the following week, one tab. Then you can see how useful it is/how brave you are. If possible, do it with a trip sitter. Do it with music playlist. There are some music playlists online but you could make your own (not just Hendrix!):

\try this one: https://happymag.tv/playlists-for-psychedelic-therapy/

A Timothy Leary Playlist

On the 100th anniversary of Timothy Leary's birth, we chart the relationship between classical music & psychedelic experimentation. So turn on—and tune in.

van-magazine.com

https://www.vice.com/en/article/vv7...ple-on-lsd-from-a-scientist-whose-job-that-is

What is the best music to listen to on LSD?

Answer (1 of 16): I’ve created this list over the years since I started taking lsd (I don’t know if it’s relevant but) once every few months. I continously have been removing songs, even good ones - if it’s not breathtaking enough. And today it only contains songs that almost all are - guarante...

www.quora.com

LSD could help alcoholics stop drinking, AA founder believed

Author reveals Bill Wilson's acid theory, but his experiments upset other Alcoholics Anonymous members

www.theguardian.com

\this theory says 'short and medium term benefits' (which to me suggests redosing...though they don't mention it

LSD 'helps alcoholics to give up drinking'

One dose of the hallucinogenic drug LSD could help alcoholics give up drinking, according to an analysis of studies performed in the 1960s.

www.bbc.co.uk

The Psychedelic Debriefing in Alcohol Dependence Treatment: Illustrating Key Change Phenomena through Qualitative Content Analysis of Clinical Sessions

Research on the clinical applications of psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy has demonstrated promising early results for treatment of alcohol dependence. Detailed description of the content and methods of psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, as it is conducted ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

A Psychedelic Approach to Treating Alcoholism - Stonegate Center

A Psychedelic Approach to Treating Alcoholism. Contact Stonegate Center at (817) 993-9733 or [email protected] for more info.

stonegatecenter.com

LSD helps to treat alcoholism - Nature

Retrospective analysis shows hallucinogenic drug helped problem drinkers.

www.nature.com

Lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) for alcoholism: meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials - Database of Abstracts of Reviews of Effects (DARE): Quality-assessed Reviews - NCBI Bookshelf