I hate myself for not having been able to move out and go no contact like I envision

[Water-Lily]

I still live at home. Though this time I am also not talking to my father like I already do my brother

We all live 3 separate lives and only talk if necessary. Beyond that, we walk on non communicative eggshells and I usually stay away from home as much as I can

My room is my only safe space and I cook when able. I still keep active and socialize with friends

Though it doesn't change the fact that I failed

Some of you might be thinking "we'll just suck it up and move? Make it work" it's not that easy

I couldn't make it work on campus so I choose to stay where I'm "comfortable" while also looking into the horizon for better opportunities. That's all I can do. I feel like I am failing everyone who wanted to see me do better

 

[carnivalforone]

moving out was the single best thing i ever did, its lonely but i despise my parents for having forced me to do so. my life may be ruined because of it, since im stuck in a never ending loop of bills, i cant stop working because then i dont have a place, and i cant go to school cuz id have to stop working. It is not easy at all and i understand how you feel , focus on your school work , at least youre enrolled someplace, bear with it as long as you can, do your best and put your all into it, and once youve graduated or attained something that will allow you to move easier, a better job offer, friends, or having finished your education do whats best for yourself. you havent failed yet you still have shelter you still socialize youre still active. we're here for you . good luck and take care:0

 

[Water-Lily]

moving out was the single best thing i ever did, its lonely but i despise my parents for having forced me to do so. my life may be ruined because of it, since im stuck in a never ending loop of bills, i cant stop working because then i dont have a place, and i cant go to school cuz id have to stop working. It is not easy at all and i understand how you feel , focus on your school work , at least youre enrolled someplace, bear with it as long as you can, do your best and put your all into it, and once youve graduated or attained something that will allow you to move easier, a better job offer, friends, or having finished your education do whats best for yourself. you havent failed yet you still have shelter you still socialize youre still active. we're here for you . good luck and take care:0

Thank you. I'm so sorry your parents put you in such a position. I hope that despite all the struggles of bills and work, you're in a better place. It sounds like it, being away from all the abuse and toxicity

I want to experience that one day. That's my goal. I'm in school because I want to get the qualifications to get my MSW to practice social work and earn money. It sucks im choosing to bear in such a dysfunctional environment

 

[carnivalforone]

Thank you. I'm so sorry your parents put you in such a position. I hope that despite all the struggles of bills and work, you're in a better place. It sounds like it, being away from all the abuse and toxicity

I want to experience that one day. That's my goal. I'm in school because I want to get the qualifications to get my MSW to practice social work and earn money. It sucks im choosing to bear in such a dysfunctional environment

id rather you be safe and bear with it in a dysfunctional environment than go at living alone when its too soon or like u said uncomfortable. im sorry youre being made to choose but at least you have a goal in mind. im really glad. i hope youre okay, it wont be long till youre a social worker and youre more free to do what youd like.

 

[Water-Lily]

id rather you be safe and bear with it in a dysfunctional environment than go at living alone when its too soon or like u said uncomfortable. im sorry youre being made to choose but at least you have a goal in mind. im really glad. i hope youre okay, it wont be long till youre a social worker and youre more free to do what youd like.

Oh absolutely. I am in a 2 year program and am currently in my first year. On top of school I go to an internship 2 days away so extra ways I'm out the house. I'm also going to see about qualifying for work study (for income) and look into jobs I can do if I don't pass the MSW right away upon graduation

And yeah, I've tried running away from home and making it work multiple times. Even pulled off no contact. But it was never for long. I've always been told by many to just live alone and make it work but its never as easy as it seems nor is. And it's like if you don't make it work you're looked down on for not being a "fighter" and toughing it out. Makes me think I am just weak

I even have a friend I trust who's holding onto my video games for me. My bastard of a brother had thrown out some to spite me and has spoken of wanting to take "more" games from me. So because I have no sense of safety a friend I confided in offered to hold them for me for the time being, which I am very grateful for. These days my brother and I don't speak at all