Hibiki
lay dagger dead inside a lonely bed
- Oct 13, 2025
- 38
it would be so easy to put an end to all this if i had absolutely nothing to live for, but unfortunately, there are things i want to do. i want to make music; i want to make art; i want to wear cute clothes; i want to play games and read literature. i want to watch my cat grow up. i want to learn my mom's recipes. i actually, deep down, want to have an impact on others, despite how hard i try to stay out of others' way. but someone like me doesn't deserve to have these dreams, because she knows she can't realize them.
i can kiss my teacher's credential good bye because i'm failing my classes. of course i am—i haven't done well in school in years. i'm upset that my father thought things would be any different in college, and i'm upset that i believed him. i'm upset at myself for having hope that i could do better.
i'm wondering if i'm prioritizing the wrong thing. maybe if i just pushed my pursuit of happiness aside and focused on my responsibilities, would happiness come with my success? it seems impossible though, seeing as i don't even have interest in doing things i used to enjoy doing. they say the saddest people make the most beautiful art, and yet, i'm lucky if i manage to produce something within a few months.
i wish i could throw all of this away and kick the bucket, but i care. i care so much. i just want to feel like i have a purpose, but that's a selfish ask. i look at all the successful people surrounding me and ask myself why i even bother.
source: kurage (yoni 0327) on gelbooru
i can kiss my teacher's credential good bye because i'm failing my classes. of course i am—i haven't done well in school in years. i'm upset that my father thought things would be any different in college, and i'm upset that i believed him. i'm upset at myself for having hope that i could do better.
i'm wondering if i'm prioritizing the wrong thing. maybe if i just pushed my pursuit of happiness aside and focused on my responsibilities, would happiness come with my success? it seems impossible though, seeing as i don't even have interest in doing things i used to enjoy doing. they say the saddest people make the most beautiful art, and yet, i'm lucky if i manage to produce something within a few months.
i wish i could throw all of this away and kick the bucket, but i care. i care so much. i just want to feel like i have a purpose, but that's a selfish ask. i look at all the successful people surrounding me and ask myself why i even bother.
source: kurage (yoni 0327) on gelbooru
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