I don't know what to do with my life I feel scared I've wasted too many years on the computer doing nothing with my life always been too scared to go out meet with people talk with people been abused bullied that I let even that affect me and my time. I feel ugly worthless. Have no friends always crying alone in my room. Im not good at anything either I am dumb. Really I am dumb. I left school at 16 after talking to a psychiatrist about my depression and my anxiety she gave me antidepressants they didn't help me she said it would help leaving school. I been stuck in my house since yeah I've been out and about still to get out the house but I have no one really apart from my mum and not even she cares much about me there's been a lot of abuse in the family over the years I have no one else and every time I make friends they leave I only have online friends I have hardly anyone in real life I can't take it I feel so lonely really lonely. My depression has just grew even more and I'm off antidepressants now after few years but antidepressants or not I don't know maybe I need to find something else to numb this feeling of emptiness and have a escape from this life either that or kill myself. if I don't kill myself do you know how horrible that sounds for me having to take something for the rest of my life because if I don't choose to kill myself and I choose this to take things to numb the pain I feel completely devastated all the time and I always have the feeling where I want to die. I'm 18 now I feel like my life is over I have no goals or anything it's just me and myself whining all the time no one cares haha I don't know I'm suffering and what's worse no one cares at all I hate me. Wish I never existed. Wish if there was a god that existed it would end me please I wish I could just die. I won't ever be happy in this life nothing satisfies me I never feel good enough. I wish my mum never had me. My dad told me I was never planned anyway and that I ruined his life by being born. I wish I was aborted. I wish I had a choice whether to exist or not in this cruel world. Here goes another day and I'm crying again like a baby and Im alone. I never wanted to be like this. I never wanted to be this kind of person. Don't want to go outside everyone is screaming I'm just here in my dark room with the curtains shut crying. I hate myself don't want people to see what a worthless creature I am because I hate me so much. I'm scared. Maybe some people are never meant to be happy in life. I am just existing and my own existence is hurting me I'm suffering. I know I won't be able to experience much in this life anyway. I Wish I was dead I have no good future.
I relate to a lot of this. I hate myself too. I'm a lot older and also feel like a huge failure. Terrible with and scared of people. Scared of the outside world. It would be nice to be free of it all and find some peace. Sending good thoughts your way no matter what you decide to do
WitheringAway
Ima shake the champagne bottle...
- Jun 23, 2020
- 404
Damn I could feel the pain in your post. If this could help u feel heard and understood I feel the same. I hate the isolation state that I'm in. Hate loud people, I like the darkness and the silence. Crying in the dark is therapeutic for me. I don't have many friends either. The ones I have are happy so I don't bother them much with my shitty life. I love my online friends more but even those don't know the real me cus I'm insecure af and I can't be 100% honest with them. I hate my pathetic self. Wish the resources that I have access to goes to someone who deserves them cus I'm no good for this world and neither the world is good for me
