Venting I hate living

[Squiddy]

I ended up having to leave work early due to me still feeling sick from a few days ago and also feeling like I was going to pass out. Then on my drive home, I almost hit a huge log in my lane on a highway and I had to quickly change lanes and I started dissociating heavily afterwards. Idk how I missed it until the last second. I thought I did a lot of damage to my car and I did do a bit, but just a scratch (which I know is still bad, but yeah )

I feel like such an incompetent piece of shit. The only reason I drive is because there's no other option where I live and I like the convenience of being able to leave whenever, but I hate how my attention span and cognitive issues fucked me over yet again (and this is with my prescribed ADHD med I took 2 hours ago).

I wish I had the guts to just ctb and be done with it. Living is hell and painful.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I got ADD too sucks I take Dexedrine cause friend gives to me.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

That could have happened to anyone. It sounds, to me, like you did great in avoiding a major accident. It seems you reacted quite well, in all honesty. Things come up on one quickly traveling at highway speeds, and plenty of other people, with no cognitive disorders and on no medications, have met disastrous consequences in similar circumstances.

 

[Squiddy]

I got ADD too sucks I take Dexedrine cause friend gives to me.

Yeah it does suck :(

That could have happened to anyone. It sounds, to me like you did great in avoiding a major accident. It seems you reacted quite well, in all honesty. Things come up on one quickly traveling at highway speeds, and plenty of other people, with no cognitive disorders and on no medications, have met disastrous consequences in similar circumstances.

If I had hit it (it was huge), I would have hoped it would've took me out

 

[locked*n*loaded]

f I had hit it (it was huge), I would have hoped it would've took me out

I hope you don't mind me saying this, but it seems from your actions to avoid the log, that this is an indicator that you'd rather live?

 

[Squiddy]

I hope you don't mind me saying this, but it seems from your actions to avoid the log, that this is an indicator that you'd rather live?

My SI is still too high

 

[Forever Sleep]

Probably won't make you feel much better but I really admire anyone who can drive. I took lessons but I was dreadful! Still, I relate to you feeling so frustrated with yourself. I frequently get angry with myself for the stupid mistakes I seem to make each day.

 

[whatevs]

I relate. I bought a few supplements for cognitive issues, if anything helps I will make a thread about it. I recall ALCAR seemed to really boost my studies.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

On Thursday a cop pulled up to me at an intersecton, got me to roll down the window, and started saying I had cut her off, I should go back to driving school, I was a shit driver, and called me a fucking asshole before taking off. That's the kind of mess I don't feel like dealing with anymore. One more thing to obsess over for the rest of my days.

So you're not alone in feeling this way, if it helps.

 

[makethepainstop]

I ended up having to leave work early due to me still feeling sick from a few days ago and also feeling like I was going to pass out. Then on my drive home, I almost hit a huge log in my lane on a highway and I had to quickly change lanes and I started dissociating heavily afterwards. Idk how I missed it until the last second. I thought I did a lot of damage to my car and I did do a bit, but just a scratch (which I know is still bad, but yeah )

I feel like such an incompetent piece of shit. The only reason I drive is because there's no other option where I live and I like the convenience of being able to leave whenever, but I hate how my attention span and cognitive issues fucked me over yet again (and this is with my prescribed ADHD med I took 2 hours ago).

I wish I had the guts to just ctb and be done with it. Living is hell and painful.

My friend I can promise you most solemnly, you damn well are NOT alone in this!
Love to you, wish I could give you a good five-minute hug.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always hated living as to me life is just never ending problems and suffering. It sounds like you are going through a lot and I'm sorry that you are trapped in this situation. It really is such a cruel and unfair existence which is why the thought of being gone comforts me so much. I wish you peace.

 

[akirat9]

I've always hated living as to me life is just never ending problems and suffering. It sounds like you are going through a lot and I'm sorry that you are trapped in this situation. It really is such a cruel and unfair existence which is why the thought of being gone comforts me so much. I wish you peace.

me too

 

[locked*n*loaded]

My SI is still too high

I understand completely. SI is a bitch (or a dick, depending on one's perspective). SI is one of the main reasons I chose a method that isn't violent, as I thought, and do think, that SI will be less of a concern with a more peaceful method.

 

[theboy]

are you distracted?

 

[Squiddy]

Probably won't make you feel much better but I really admire anyone who can drive. I took lessons but I was dreadful! Still, I relate to you feeling so frustrated with yourself. I frequently get angry with myself for the stupid mistakes I seem to make each day.

Driving can be really hard with all the rules and sudden changes

I relate. I bought a few supplements for cognitive issues, if anything helps I will make a thread about it. I recall ALCAR seemed to really boost my studies.

I'll look into some :)

On Thursday a cop pulled up to me at an intersecton, got me to roll down the window, and started saying I had cut her off, I should go back to driving school, I was a shit driver, and called me a fucking asshole before taking off. That's the kind of mess I don't feel like dealing with anymore. One more thing to obsess over for the rest of my days.

So you're not alone in feeling this way, if it helps.

That cop is an asshole. I'm sorry you had to go through that

My friend I can promise you most solemnly, you damn well are NOT alone in this!
Love to you, wish I could give you a good five-minute hug.

Hugs

I understand completely. SI is a bitch (or a dick, depending on one's perspective). SI is one of the main reasons I chose a method that isn't violent, as I thought, and do think, that SI will be less of a concern with a more peaceful method.

I do have a peaceful method ready, but I'm just afraid of panicking at the last minute

are you distracted?

A lot

 

[whatevs]

As a matter of fact I relate this much to you, Squiddy: I don't even have a driver's license at 31. My sleep disorder makes me quite forgetful and absent minded, so I don't want to have a fucking accident where someone can end up crippled or killed. My father drives me to work, and all my coworkers see it. He needs to be more sneaky about it, damnit!

 

[rationaltake]

As a matter of fact I relate this much to you, Squiddy: I don't even have a driver's license at 31. My sleep disorder makes me quite forgetful and absent minded, so I don't want to have a fucking accident where someone can end up crippled or killed. My father drives me to work, and all my coworkers see it. He needs to be more sneaky about it, damnit!

I don't have a driving licence because I'm dissociative. At certain times I might be a competent driver. The next minute I might suddenly not know where I am who I am what I'm doing and not even know how to drive at all. My neighbour loves giving me lifts but I feel childish not knowing how to drive.