Venting I hate it when people try to "save" me

[rokonie]

"i think you deserve to get better. I know you don't think so but sometimes yourself is the worst judgement when it comes to things like this. And right now you are definitely the worst judgement" and then continuing to ramble for another paragraph about how there's "a lot of people who care about me" and whatnot. Where are they then?? Why do you and these so-called people who care only come out of the woodwork when i vent abt wanting to kill myself? No one ever approaches me for a normal conversation heck every group chat/server ive been in i was the one ppl forget things abt, even basic things like my fucking age. Don't come to me with empty "ppl care about you" when you aren't me and don't understand how lonely and disconnected i feel from everyone.

srry im just frustrated with ppl who don't even seem like they want to listen or acknowledge my feelings. Instead im some sad lost soul who can't think for herself and they need to rescue so they can pat themselves on the back for being such a good supportive friend. It's patronizing and makes me feel like im being treated like a mental hospital patient instead of a fellow person.
I know it's not realistic to ask for friends to just be ok with me being suicidal and i dont want to drag people down with my toxicity and negative thoughts, that's why i don't talk to people anymore outside of mentally ill spaces. But then they pull this saviour shit when i try to do them a favor by self-isolating.