I HATE it when people compare their pain to mine!

[theguineapigking]

My 'friend' was having a deep conversation with me. He's been through a lot of crap in his life, such as losing loved ones and friends, and attempting suicide himself a few times.

I flat out told him that I understand as much as I possibly can, and that I know my pain isn't as bad as his, in that I haven't lost anyone. But, he eventually stated that at least I(he said you, not I)have parents and family, that I don't have a reason to be depressed, and that I couldn't have handled half of his experiences/pain. That was nice of him to say :( I just want to die even more badly now. He's right about me being weak(he didn't specifically call me weak), but still... He didn't mean to insult me...but he doesn't even understand that "you just don't tell a depressed person that they have no reason to be depressed". I feel like people just don't like me or something. I always take people's bull****. I am too ******* soft for a 22 y/o guy. Pathetic...


Is anyone else sick of this type of bull****?

Edit: Thanks for the thoughtful replies guys. I really hate dealing with crap. Especially with anxiety, as it makes me feel disconnected from reality. I just think that life just ain't for me...oh, wait, that ain't anythin' new...

 

[Konjac]

I'm sick of it too. All suffering is valid, and I wish that some people could realise that depression isn't a competition... if a friend comes to you looking for support, you offer them the best damn support you can at that time, the last thing you should do is try to one up them with your own problems. You'd think people who've been through shit would be more understanding and empathetic but unfortunately that's not always the case. :(

 

[whywere]

Yes, I agree and I also get sick of it. Like I have always said, easy to judge, hard to understand. So many people that I have like worked with in the past have said things along the same lines as, you would not be able to handle what I have been through with a buck up and I have no reason to be sad or anything. Then if I do not pander to them they get upset. I feel your pain, believe me, same aspects with me.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

We all have different levels which we can cope at and not a great response from friend. Doesn't matter who has been hurt most if you feel you have come to end with life and want no more you should be able to ctb and people understand it. On here we just wish a safe and peaceful journey which is the best anyone can hope for.

 

[Sherri]

Agree, some people usually say oh my pain is bigger than yours or I'm more broken than you. And I'm like you don't even know what I've been through how can you say that, we are all broken, sad, lonely, depressed. But there in the end it's all the same it's not a game we are playing right?

 

[AutoTap]

Just because you have a family, money, or the "perfect" life doesn't mean you can't be depressed. Mental illnesses don't discriminate

 

[botanormal]

God, I absolutely hate when people do that! Everybody's experiences are unique, and nobody else but you has lived your life, so nobody else but you is allowed to judge what you're going through. Comparing pain has no benefit, and is such a cruel thing to do. You wouldn't tell somebody they couldn't be happy because somebody else has it better, so why do people do it in regards to suffering? I heard a quote once in a video about this topic that went along the lines of 'if you flaunt your trauma, it's not trauma, it's a story', and I think the message can be applied here. Bragging about how much more pain you've had to endure in comparison to someone else, makes it seem like you're just sharing to try and 'have the better story', which really isn't the point of opening up to someone. Sorry you have to put up with that, it really is one of the worst things someone can do.

 

[MindFrog]

Yeah it's shitty. It's like you dont even have the right to feel bad just because others have it worse. It's an indirect way of saying, "Shut up and deal with it". I'm glad you didnt take his bullsh**.

 

[constant_grief]

I agree, suffering is not a competition. Everyone has their limit and once that is broken, that's it.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

He negates. Maybe he gets some self-worth from how much he's suffered/suffers and so perceives others' suffering as attempting to negate or make smaller his own.

I had a friend who no one could safely vent about their own stuff around because of the particular way he was abandoned as a baby, he was shot in combat, and he survived multiple bouts of brain cancer. When you'd been through that, then you could complain. If you wanted "sympathy," you could find it in the dictionary, between shit and syphilis.

 

[Marchioness]

I actually used to be one of those people because I thought that was normal conversation to compare ones issues. Like, anytime I'd tried to talk with an adult about my problems so they'd minimize it because they were older and "more experienced in life" than I was.

So then, I started to talk to people like that. It wasn't until a few years ago I realized that was an ego thing and that it's more polite to ask the person suffering of they were seeking advice or just wanted someone to listen to them.

 

[Bauhaus]

It's typical of 'normal' people. They might have a bad night sleep and think it's comparable with severe insomnia...
Or a friend of mine said he felt depressed when he was 2 months jobless and thinks it's the same as people who are clinically depressed for YEARS....
Just tells you the majarity of people are cluelsess about severely mental illness...

 

[Symbiote]

I feel for you man, I think humans are automatically programmed to do that. Sometimes I catch myself from not doing it because I know how annoying it is. You're sharing your feelings to a person and they minimize or invalidate your experiences because you got something they don't have. Funny, I had a talk with my wife last night about our problems in marriage and how I felt suicidal for awhile or just sad, and she tells me that homeless people and people with no arms, legs, or hands have it so much worse while I have everything. Gee, that makes me feel better, but I didn't get mad because I can still empathize with people that have disabilities, they have different ways of coping with things, and I have my way of coping with stuff. Great if they still see life worth living despite the challenges thrown at them, I wish I had their tenacity to continue on.

But when I'm talking in the moment and sharing that vulnerable part of me, I don't need someone else to tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way or be sent on a guilt-trip because someone had it worse. Everyone has had it worse than me, but they're not walking in my shoes and dealing with my brain. I'm not walking in theirs and living with their brain. All suffering is valid and instead of bringing each other down, we should all be supportive.....

 

[Gaybonez]

My 'friend' was having a deep conversation with me. He's been through a lot of crap in his life, such as losing loved ones and friends, and attempting suicide himself a few times.

I flat out told him that I understand as much as I possibly can, and that I know my pain isn't as bad as his, in that I haven't lost anyone. But, he eventually stated that at least I(he said you, not I)have parents and family, that I don't have a reason to be depressed, and that I couldn't have handled half of his experiences/pain. That was nice of him to say :( I just want to die even more badly now. He's right about me being weak(he didn't specifically call me weak), but still... He didn't mean to insult me...but he doesn't even understand that "you just don't tell a depressed person that they have no reason to be depressed". I feel like people just don't like me or something. I always take people's bull****. I am too ******* soft for a 22 y/o guy. Pathetic...


Is anyone else sick of this type of bull****?

Edit: Thanks for the thoughtful replies guys. I really hate dealing with crap. Especially with anxiety, as it makes me feel disconnected from reality. I just think that life just ain't for me...oh, wait, that ain't anythin' new...

No one can completely understand you so if you want someone to at least come close you have to help them if they truly want to. Second, tell your friend that you are uncomfortable with him saying that because you feel like you're being invalidated.

It's typical of 'normal' people. They might have a bad night sleep and think it's comparable with severe insomnia...
Or a friend of mine said he felt depressed when he was 2 months jobless and thinks it's the same as people who are clinically depressed for YEARS....
Just tells you the majarity of people are cluelsess about severely mental illness...

He's had suicide attempts. It might be extreme to group him into normals immediately

 

[262653]

Different people have different levels of hardship tolerance.

Maybe an experienced lifter could deadlift 150kg relatively easier while someone who doesn't train much or leads a sedentary lifestyle would struggle much more to deadlift 75kg. The same training routine that makes one stronger could make a cripple out of someone not as capable (like in terms of body constitution or technique mastery). Take an experienced lifter at the beginning of his lifting path, back in time, and make that newbie deadlift 100kg right away, and he might just recieve an injury he wouldn't recieve if he were to start from lower weights first. It's tricky. Similar hardships differ in difficulty for different people in different circumstances. Hardships aren't making one always stronger or always weaker.