Venting I HATE how society views death. It's not failure

[Thankyoufortoday]

I watched a woman die today. I can't stop thinking about it.

I work as a first responder (ironic, I know). Earlier today we get a call for an 89 y/o woman with difficulty breathing. Sometimes the second you walk into a house and see a patient, you know they're about to die. This was one of them. My partner takes her vitals, and they're in the toilet. I give her oxygen, and ask a family member about her medical history. She has late stage lung cancer and about a dozen other medical conditions. She says she's called her siblings (pts kids) and they're coming. I ask if she has a DNR/MOLST (do not resuscitate order). The daughter wails no and tells me to save her.

At this point the patient is on death's door. As we're getting her out the door on the stretcher, she's gone completely unresponsive and only has agonal breathing (dying gasps for air). We get her in the ambulance, check that her heart has stopped, and begin CPR. Full on ribs breaking, shoving tube down her throat, cutting off her clothes, ugly, CPR. My partner and our 2 trainees for the day keep working her, and I go out to inform the family before we leave for the hospital.

By now, more family members have arrived. I explain that her heart has stopped, so we began CPR and we're about to head to the hospital. One of the family members, her son I assume, has his expression darken. He practically screams to stop, that she has a DNR. Bewilderment crosses my face and I ask to see the document. He rushes in the house.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, he comes out with the paperwork. I look it over, it's legit. I'm floored. I step into the ambulance and tell my coworkers what happened, and to stop. By now there's a full on screaming match outside among the siblings, and understandably so.

I'm so, so, unbelievably angry. This poor woman wanted to die in peace. No painful CPR, no unnecessary measures. She was ready to go. She had the opportunity to die peacefully at home, in her own bed, with her family by her side. Instead, I got to feel her ribs cracking under my hands, and she died in the back of a freezing ambulance on a snowy day in nothing but a diaper.

Fuck this woman's daughter for not respecting her wishes. Fuck this society that views death as an ultimate failure and won't respect dying with dignity. I needed to get that off my chest.

 

[D&D]

I'd like to thank you for posting this account of what was clearly an agonizing experience for you even as a professional.

Thank you for your frank honesty and the courage to recount brutal truth.

Death, together with old age and other 'ugly' and most importantly unprofitable, aspects of human condition have long been banished and pushed out of the view. In favor of 'eternal youth/life' and everything we need to acquire/submit to in order to achieve it. Unlike death and old age - an endlessly profitable belief-system.

The impact is what you so candidly recounted - not only fear but also avoidance, at all costs, of what is the most natural aspect of human life - death.

Thank you once again and I am sorry you had to go through this.

 

[Nobuses]

Omg, thank you for sharing the story. This made me very sad, I can't stop thinking about that poor woman and how her rights were violated. I really don't know what to say... and im sorry that you had to go through this.

 

[FuneralCry]

People should be able to die peacefully at a time of their own choosing, it is selfish to expect people to stay alive against their wishes. We will all die eventually anyway, death is inevitable. We all deserve to have a dignified death when the time is right for us to exit.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Such a sad story

 

[Onthe29th]

People should be able to die peacefully at a time of their own choosing, it is selfish to expect people to stay alive against their wishes. We will all die eventually anyway, death is inevitable. We all deserve to have a dignified death when the time is right for us to exit.

Healthcare Facilities and palliative /hospice would lose money if people are allowed to die when they choose. I think that's the real reason why assisted suicide isn't a thing in most states and why people are being brainwashed into thinking this site is a problem. It's always money.

 

[lmon]

Healthcare Facilities and palliative /hospice would lose money if people are allowed to die when they choose. I think that's the real reason why assisted suicide isn't a thing in most states and why people are being brainwashed into thinking this site is a problem. It's always money.

My thoughts exactly!!!!!!!!!! $$$$$

 

[lmon]

I watched a woman die today. I can't stop thinking about it.

I work as a first responder (ironic, I know). Earlier today we get a call for an 89 y/o woman with difficulty breathing. Sometimes the second you walk into a house and see a patient, you know they're about to die. This was one of them. My partner takes her vitals, and they're in the toilet. I give her oxygen, and ask a family member about her medical history. She has late stage lung cancer and about a dozen other medical conditions. She says she's called her siblings (pts kids) and they're coming. I ask if she has a DNR/MOLST (do not resuscitate order). The daughter wails no and tells me to save her.

At this point the patient is on death's door. As we're getting her out the door on the stretcher, she's gone completely unresponsive and only has agonal breathing (dying gasps for air). We get her in the ambulance, check that her heart has stopped, and begin CPR. Full on ribs breaking, shoving tube down her throat, cutting off her clothes, ugly, CPR. My partner and our 2 trainees for the day keep working her, and I go out to inform the family before we leave for the hospital.

By now, more family members have arrived. I explain that her heart has stopped, so we began CPR and we're about to head to the hospital. One of the family members, her son I assume, has his expression darken. He practically screams to stop, that she has a DNR. Bewilderment crosses my face and I ask to see the document. He rushes in the house.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, he comes out with the paperwork. I look it over, it's legit. I'm floored. I step into the ambulance and tell my coworkers what happened, and to stop. By now there's a full on screaming match outside among the siblings, and understandably so.

I'm so, so, unbelievably angry. This poor woman wanted to die in peace. No painful CPR, no unnecessary measures. She was ready to go. She had the opportunity to die peacefully at home, in her own bed, with her family by her side. Instead, I got to feel her ribs cracking under my hands, and she died in the back of a freezing ambulance on a snowy day in nothing but a diaper.

Fuck this woman's daughter for not respecting her wishes. Fuck this society that views death as an ultimate failure and won't respect dying with dignity. I needed to get that off my chest.

Is it difficult to obtain a DNR with your doctor, to your knowledge? Can anyone get one? Do you have to be physically dying? I think I read something about it depending on the state too

 

[Crazy4u]

she was 89 years old. She had enough. What a selfish family

 

[marinekiwi]

That selfish daughter disgusts me.
Jesus, doing that to your mother in her last moments...
If I were one of those first responders, I'm sure I'd tell that bitch what she had just done.
Very, very sad story...

 

[TheNumberThree]

Is it difficult to obtain a DNR with your doctor, to your knowledge? Can anyone get one? Do you have to be physically dying? I think I read something about it depending on the state too

Set it up with your doctor, it's simple enough. Trouble is, unless the DNR order is stapled to your shirt, you have an honest advocate on site when you pass or you are in the hospital or care facility where your med chart is readily available you may find yourself being resuscitated. Especially if you appear youthful and/or healthy. The default is definitely to resuscitate if there is any doubt about the patient's wishes. And no, DNR tattoos do not count as an order. Source: I've worked as a tech in hospitals and group homes and asked MDs and RNs a lot of questions. I am far from an expert, but I have cared for a good number of patients through their time of death.

 

[lostautist]

I'm really hoping she did not know that. That's absolutely horrible.

 

[lmon]

Set it up with your doctor, it's simple enough. Trouble is, unless the DNR order is stapled to your shirt, you have an honest advocate on site when you pass or you are in the hospital or care facility where your med chart is readily available you may find yourself being resuscitated. Especially if you appear youthful and/or healthy. The default is definitely to resuscitate if there is any doubt about the patient's wishes. And no, DNR tattoos do not count as an order. Source: I've worked as a tech in hospitals and group homes and asked MDs and RNs a lot of questions. I am far from an expert, but I have cared for a good number of patients through their time of death.

Oh so they will just allow anyone to do a dnr order? I'm young and healthy

 

[NormaJeane]

I watched a woman die today. I can't stop thinking about it.

I work as a first responder (ironic, I know). Earlier today we get a call for an 89 y/o woman with difficulty breathing. Sometimes the second you walk into a house and see a patient, you know they're about to die. This was one of them. My partner takes her vitals, and they're in the toilet. I give her oxygen, and ask a family member about her medical history. She has late stage lung cancer and about a dozen other medical conditions. She says she's called her siblings (pts kids) and they're coming. I ask if she has a DNR/MOLST (do not resuscitate order). The daughter wails no and tells me to save her.

At this point the patient is on death's door. As we're getting her out the door on the stretcher, she's gone completely unresponsive and only has agonal breathing (dying gasps for air). We get her in the ambulance, check that her heart has stopped, and begin CPR. Full on ribs breaking, shoving tube down her throat, cutting off her clothes, ugly, CPR. My partner and our 2 trainees for the day keep working her, and I go out to inform the family before we leave for the hospital.

By now, more family members have arrived. I explain that her heart has stopped, so we began CPR and we're about to head to the hospital. One of the family members, her son I assume, has his expression darken. He practically screams to stop, that she has a DNR. Bewilderment crosses my face and I ask to see the document. He rushes in the house.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, he comes out with the paperwork. I look it over, it's legit. I'm floored. I step into the ambulance and tell my coworkers what happened, and to stop. By now there's a full on screaming match outside among the siblings, and understandably so.

I'm so, so, unbelievably angry. This poor woman wanted to die in peace. No painful CPR, no unnecessary measures. She was ready to go. She had the opportunity to die peacefully at home, in her own bed, with her family by her side. Instead, I got to feel her ribs cracking under my hands, and she died in the back of a freezing ambulance on a snowy day in nothing but a diaper.

Fuck this woman's daughter for not respecting her wishes. Fuck this society that views death as an ultimate failure and won't respect dying with dignity. I needed to get that off my chest.Yeah, we live in a society that are in denial of human death. S because these people are stupid.

I watched a woman die today. I can't stop thinking about it.

I work as a first responder (ironic, I know). Earlier today we get a call for an 89 y/o woman with difficulty breathing. Sometimes the second you walk into a house and see a patient, you know they're about to die. This was one of them. My partner takes her vitals, and they're in the toilet. I give her oxygen, and ask a family member about her medical history. She has late stage lung cancer and about a dozen other medical conditions. She says she's called her siblings (pts kids) and they're coming. I ask if she has a DNR/MOLST (do not resuscitate order). The daughter wails no and tells me to save her.

At this point the patient is on death's door. As we're getting her out the door on the stretcher, she's gone completely unresponsive and only has agonal breathing (dying gasps for air). We get her in the ambulance, check that her heart has stopped, and begin CPR. Full on ribs breaking, shoving tube down her throat, cutting off her clothes, ugly, CPR. My partner and our 2 trainees for the day keep working her, and I go out to inform the family before we leave for the hospital.

By now, more family members have arrived. I explain that her heart has stopped, so we began CPR and we're about to head to the hospital. One of the family members, her son I assume, has his expression darken. He practically screams to stop, that she has a DNR. Bewilderment crosses my face and I ask to see the document. He rushes in the house.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, he comes out with the paperwork. I look it over, it's legit. I'm floored. I step into the ambulance and tell my coworkers what happened, and to stop. By now there's a full on screaming match outside among the siblings, and understandably so.

I'm so, so, unbelievably angry. This poor woman wanted to die in peace. No painful CPR, no unnecessary measures. She was ready to go. She had the opportunity to die peacefully at home, in her own bed, with her family by her side. Instead, I got to feel her ribs cracking under my hands, and she died in the back of a freezing ambulance on a snowy day in nothing but a diaper.

Fuck this woman's daughter for not respecting her wishes. Fuck this society that views death as an ultimate failure and won't respect dying with dignity. I needed to get that off my chest.

Yeah, we live in a society where people are in denial of human death. People force others to live in a world where we all have to die of something. Stupid people follow stupid laws, that is the problem. Humans should have the same right to die as our pets, people should have the right to live and die with dignity.

 

[Kalebri]

Healthcare Facilities and palliative /hospice would lose money if people are allowed to die when they choose. I think that's the real reason why assisted suicide isn't a thing in most states and why people are being brainwashed into thinking this site is a problem. It's always money.

Not only that, we pay taxes and we are debt slaves, so of course they want us alive. Unfortunately our government, the financial elite and our society view us as a money bag, nothing more.

 

[Depressed Cat]

Man, that was hard to read. I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that as a professional. I feel so sad for the poor old woman who just wanted to die in peace.

Shame on her daughter for disrespecting her wishes. It's difficult to believe she genuinely didn't know about the DNR.

Society has brainwashed people into believing that death is a bad thing, even when one is at the natural end of their life. Institutions and the elites profit off the dying by artificially keeping them alive for longer. This world is a fucked up place.

 

[Hirokami]

Dear God. She suffered enough with her ailments and at the very least deserved the right to leave on her own terms. Of course, her daughter had to humiliate her during her final hours. Most likely, she did know about the order but let her pro-life views cloud her judgement. I'm really sorry you had to witness such a tragedy.

 

[TheNumberThree]

Oh so they will just allow anyone to do a dnr order? I'm young and healthy

It is your decision to make, and although different states have different standard forms to fill out you can get one anywhere and in any situation with the help of a doctor as far as I know. Cite the risks of injury and suffering and the low rates of successful resuscitation, or say it is an ethical or religious tenet that you must honor, if you feel you need to explain. A doctor may need a reminder that you need her help and are not looking for guidance, but you may need to look elsewhere for a doctor that respects your boundaries, because a doctor can always refuse for their own reasons. Once you have the order, there is a foundation in the US that will send you a DNR necklace with a phone number on it. They keep the order on file and will fax it on request. Again, unless it is in front of them a medical professional will probably assume you want everything possible to be done.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Jesus. What a horrible scene. I feel your anger, and I'm really sorry you had to experience that.

This poor woman wanted to die in peace. No painful CPR, no unnecessary measures. She was ready to go. She had the opportunity to die peacefully at home, in her own bed, with her family by her side. Instead, I got to feel her ribs cracking under my hands, and she died in the back of a freezing ambulance on a snowy day in nothing but a diaper.

The idea of this alone mortifies me. How many measures does someone have to take in order to have a peaceful death ffs. Its disgusting.

 

[lmon]

It is your decision to make, and although different states have different standard forms to fill out you can get one anywhere and in any situation with the help of a doctor as far as I know. Cite the risks of injury and suffering and the low rates of successful resuscitation, or say it is an ethical or religious tenet that you must honor, if you feel you need to explain. A doctor may need a reminder that you need her help and are not looking for guidance, but you may need to look elsewhere for a doctor that respects your boundaries, because a doctor can always refuse for their own reasons. Once you have the order, there is a foundation in the US that will send you a DNR necklace with a phone number on it. They keep the order on file and will fax it on request. Again, unless it is in front of them a medical professional will probably assume you want everything possible to be done.

thanks a lot