I hate how I can’t just die in my sleep

[sserafim]

I hate how I can't just die in my sleep or something. I wish I could fall asleep forever and never wake up. I'm so tired, I'm tired of existing, yet I'm forced to continue to live. I hate having to exist. I never even wanted to be here in the first place.

I wish I could die in my sleep or just stop breathing instead of having to resort to ctb. Ctb is possibly unsuccessful and has the risk of permanent damage. I wish my body would just give out and let me leave this hellish earth.

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

I hate how I can't just die in my sleep or something. I wish I could fall asleep forever and never wake up. I'm so tired, I'm tired of existing, yet I'm forced to continue to live. I hate having to exist. I never even wanted to be here in the first place.

I wish I could die in my sleep or just stop breathing instead of having to resort to ctb. Ctb is possibly unsuccessful and has the risk of permanent damage. I wish my body would just give out and let me leave this hellish earth.

Yup. Right there with you. I wish. ((Hugs))

 

[R_N]

At least nothing is permanent and we will perish one day. We just have to endure life until we do unfortunately.

This is why I am trying to distract myself as much as I can while I am still alive. Focusing on my own bad feels just adds even more pointless suffering to life unless I am really ready to go. I mock my brain and hurtful emotions often to downplay and ignore them when they surface. I smirk and call my body robotic and dumb whenever it tries to make me feel something painful. I think it works better than it should when I am aware that my whole identity is in my dumb human robotic brain that regulates everything.

Most of my life I thought my feelings are the truth and valid. I thought I should indulge anything I feel and ramp it up to x1000. Later I realised it is nothing special. It is just stupid nature of my human body.

I reject whatever is possible and spit on it. And I live for the moment and pleasures as long as I am able to. In the end isn't that whole point to this existence, be "happy"?

I don't care about my "future" and expectations of society. It was over long time ago anyway. When I am unable to experience the good stuff more than bad stuff I am most likely out. If not like i said, one day I will be anyway. At least there is an end to this hell. And I am glad I didn't reproduce or will.

 

[sunnysidedown]

I feel ya. It would feel nice to just lie down and close your eyes forever. But sadly I just can't haha. I'm forced to keep going. ((Hugs, as well.))

 

[sserafim]

At least nothing is permanent and we will perish one day. We just have to endure life until we do unfortunately.

This is why I am trying to distract myself as much as I can while I am still alive. Focusing on my own bad feels just adds even more pointless suffering to life unless I am really ready to go. I mock my brain and hurtful emotions often to downplay and ignore them when they surface. I smirk and call my body robotic and dumb whenever it tries to make me feel something painful. I think it works better than it should when I am aware that my whole identity is in my dumb human robotic brain that regulates everything.

Most of my life I thought my feelings are the truth and valid. I thought I should indulge anything I feel and ramp it up to x1000. Later I realised it is nothing special. It is just stupid nature of my human body.

I reject whatever is possible and spit on it. And I live for the moment and pleasures as long as I am able to. In the end isn't that whole point to this existence, be "happy"?

I don't care about my "future" and expectations of society. It was over long time ago anyway. When I am unable to experience the good stuff more than bad stuff I am most likely out. If not like i said, one day I will be anyway. At least there is an end to this hell. And I am glad I didn't reproduce or will.

I feel like this is as long as I want to live though. I don't want to keep living anymore. I don't want to have to enter adulthood or become an adult. I don't see a future for myself and I don't want one. I just want to die now, I never even wanted to become an adult anyways. I honestly never wanted to live past 18. I'm 23 rn and I'll make sure that I won't live past 25, that's the exit point I've set for myself. I've always known that I would die young, and most probably by ctb. It feels like I'm destined to.

I'm also glad I didn't and will never reproduce either. I'm aroace, never wanted kids, and have no desire to bring more life into this world full of suffering.

 

[R_N]

I feel like this is as long as I want to live though. I don't want to keep living anymore. I don't want to have to enter adulthood or become an adult. I don't see a future for myself and I don't want one. I just want to die now, I never even wanted to become an adult anyways. I honestly never wanted to live past 18. I'm 23 rn and I'll make sure that I won't live past 25, that's the exit point I've set for myself. I've always known that I would die young, and most probably by ctb. It feels like I'm destined to.

I'm also glad I didn't and will never reproduce either. I'm aroace, never wanted kids, and have no desire to bring more life into this world full of suffering.

I understand. I hope you can find at least some peace of mind while you are still alive tho.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

We can. We sadly have to invest something first.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can fully relate to this. This would be so great if we just went to sleep, closing eyes for one last time and drifting away. But yeah it's not that easy unfortunately.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I hate how I can't just die in my sleep or something. I wish I could fall asleep forever and never wake up. I'm so tired, I'm tired of existing, yet I'm forced to continue to live. I hate having to exist. I never even wanted to be here in the first place.

I wish I could die in my sleep or just stop breathing instead of having to resort to ctb. Ctb is possibly unsuccessful and has the risk of permanent damage. I wish my body would just give out and let me leave this hellish earth.

I try to manifest it but have so far been unsuccessful. Sometimes I wonder if those who did die in their sleep did this - kept manifesting - and it eventually came true for them maybe.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also hate it as well, it's so incredibly evil how something so relieving as ceasing to exist on our own terms is purposely made so difficult, it would prevent so much futile and unnecessary suffering if we had the option to just never wake again. Only the eternity of non-existence is desirable to me, I could never see anything desirable about the curse that is having the ability to suffer endlessly.

 

[Darkover]

yeap just by thinking it

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

I too relate to this feeling. I was so desperate and helpless once, that I looked up hypnosis for dying... without success

 

[sserafim]

We can. We sadly have to invest something first.

Wdym?

I too relate to this feeling. I was so desperate and helpless once, that I looked up hypnosis for dying... without success

I tried manifesting my death but sadly it didn't work…

I try to manifest it but have so far been unsuccessful. Sometimes I wonder if those who did die in their sleep did this - kept manifesting - and it eventually came true for them maybe.

Same! I tried manifesting my death too but I haven't been successful either…I'm going to try again though. Ugh I wish it weren't so hard to leave this world that we never even had a choice to be in.

yeap just by thinking it

It didn't work yet, I'll try thinking it and manifesting again though. Hopefully my thoughts become reality

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Wdym?

Oops. Ingest. Not invest.

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

I try to manifest it but have so far been unsuccessful. Sometimes I wonder if those who did die in their sleep did this - kept manifesting - and it eventually came true for them maybe.

I was so desperate and frustrated because I cant just fall asleep and die that i looked up "hypnosis for dying" so i also thought about manifesting.. But as i understood it manifesting is about living and feeling the life you want thus attracting people and situations and become aware of new opportunities...

Why is there no known nembutal alternative? :(

 

[antilife]

Feel you. I don't understand how body and mind can work like that, doing completely the opposite. The body wants to survive and the mind wants to die. Why can't the body just listen then? What the fuck is this for? I don't see any evolutionary purpose in this.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I feel like this is as long as I want to live though. I don't want to keep living anymore. I don't want to have to enter adulthood or become an adult. I don't see a future for myself and I don't want one. I just want to die now, I never even wanted to become an adult anyways. I honestly never wanted to live past 18. I'm 23 rn and I'll make sure that I won't live past 25, that's the exit point I've set for myself. I've always known that I would die young, and most probably by ctb. It feels like I'm destined to.

I'm also glad I didn't and will never reproduce either. I'm aroace, never wanted kids, and have no desire to bring more life into this world full of suffering.

I am older. You are smart for wanting to get out early. Life is only full of disappointments.

 

[IWishToDie]

I hate how I can't just die in my sleep or something. I wish I could fall asleep forever and never wake up. I'm so tired, I'm tired of existing, yet I'm forced to continue to live. I hate having to exist. I never even wanted to be here in the first place.

I wish I could die in my sleep or just stop breathing instead of having to resort to ctb. Ctb is possibly unsuccessful and has the risk of permanent damage. I wish my body would just give out and let me leave this hellish earth.

100%.