i hate how i always romanticize the past

[GASLIGHTER7000]

i think about the past as if it were a happier time in my life when i've never TRULY been happy throughout any periods of my life. ever since i can remember, i have been suicidal and always wanted to die, whether actively or passively. i look back on 2025 as a happier time, where i was excited to start university and had highschool friends that i was close with, but the truth was back then i was depressed, felt my friends never liked me, was doing drugs constantly and self harmed everyday. during 2025, i constantly reminisced about middle school and the group of friends i had, and how i never felt judged by them and thought they were my best friends. but in reality back then, they excluded me and preferred eachother. still, seeing pictures of myself in the past i can't help but hate my current life. and i know in the coming future i'll probably look back at this time wishing i'd appreciated it more. i wish time could just stop. i hate how the days just keep going and the urge to just commit suicide grows stronger everyday. everyday feels like a cycle of suffering, regretting my past and wishing i could go back.

 

[scary]

God I feel this. I used to reminisce on my past when my thoughts got really bad, but then I remember that even back then when I was younger I was still doing bad.

Its easy I think to fall back on your past self as a form of escapism especially if in the present day you're doing the worst you have ever been. I don't think I've ever truly experienced happiness and always felt passively suicidal. I tell myself I wish I could go back but I know that that's not a good idea, I was still depressed and bullied and shunned by my peers yet I wore a smile on my face when asked to take photos.

Edit: "Blinded by Nostalgia" is how I feel and would describe it personally

 

[Not_A_Seagull]

i think about the past as if it were a happier time in my life when i've never TRULY been happy throughout any periods of my life. ever since i can remember, i have been suicidal and always wanted to die, whether actively or passively. i look back on 2025 as a happier time, where i was excited to start university and had highschool friends that i was close with, but the truth was back then i was depressed, felt my friends never liked me, was doing drugs constantly and self harmed everyday. during 2025, i constantly reminisced about middle school and the group of friends i had, and how i never felt judged by them and thought they were my best friends. but in reality back then, they excluded me and preferred eachother. still, seeing pictures of myself in the past i can't help but hate my current life. and i know in the coming future i'll probably look back at this time wishing i'd appreciated it more. i wish time could just stop. i hate how the days just keep going and the urge to just commit suicide grows stronger everyday. everyday feels like a cycle of suffering, regretting my past and wishing i could go back.

Same, my freshman year of college was piss easy compared to my 2nd year or even high school, I really miss it. Im drunk as shit off of 4lokos right now but us gen Z people are fucking screwed, we really got no way out other than suicide.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

I feel you. I even wrote about this in the past on here. It's quite painful how our mind chooses to romanticize the past, make us nostalgic for it, curse us with the pretense that we were ever happy. In the pits, my brain has even been able to make no more than a week ago feel nostalgic, feel like they were better times. I've been suicidal for so long I can't even remember when I last felt "alright." When I didn't have the thought of death weighing on my head. I try to think about times in the past where I was merely depressed, not suicidal, and I wonder how long throughout my life I've been depressed and just been ignoring it. I see in those times how much I did want to die, even if I never actively planned my suicide, those days I would've been fine with a bus running me over or a fire happening in my sleep if it meant I didn't have to wake up and see another day.

 

[Fresh Soju]

I feel you. Logically I know majority of my life was filled with pain, self-harm, crying and suffering, not to mention bullying and being ostracized and beaten up at school. Yet I still long for those times again and see them in a positive light, somehow.
Even last year where I was having autistic meltdowns day after day after day almost and self-harming non-stop because of it seems so ~nice and awesome~ now.. Sigh.

I wouldn't mind this if I could see the current or future life the same, but it only works for the past somehow, lol..

In the pits, my brain has even been able to make no more than a week ago feel nostalgic

I can literally do this right now