Venting I hate everyone

[nihilisticmystics]

I don't know why but for a few years now it's been exhausting talking and interacting with people, in person or online. This has made me lose a lot of friends but to be honest, I don't really care, I like being alone because it's peaceful but every once in a while when I switch from manic to depression I get really sad being alone and having nobody to talk to, but then I remember that it's my fault and I did it to myself and I don't deserve friends or a family; I'm a really shitty friend and a really shitty person and I think that I deserve to ctb and once everyone finds out I did it nobody will care and everyone would be happy to know that I'm not here anymore and they don't have to deal with me anymore, I was a really difficult child to deal with and raise and I was a really shitty teenager to deal with and raise, all I do is inconvenience others and I just find myself angry at everyone and hating everyone, This will be me in a few days (ctb), I wasn't expecting to make it to Christmas and I really don't want to do anything but I already cancelled hanging out with my family for Thanksgiving so I'd feel really bad if I cancelled for Christmas (which is why I was wanting to ctb before christmas)

Lober

 

[Sheisgoneee]

I'm bipolar as well and I know this feeling too well. I wish I could just erase that goddam disease from my miind.

 

[Sleeper System]

Mental illness pushes everyone and everything away eventually. It's just how it goes. You can go from having a ton of friends to absolutely no one in no time at all. It's solitude of our own making. Humans are tribal in nature so we can't help but want someone when we're alone even though sometimes the benefit of being alone is usually more appealing.

I don't think anyone will be happy. I think it will effect them greatly and burn your image in their mind. I think they will at least give people a moment of pause. Before they have to deal with the burdens of their own lives and push on. No one forgets someone they knew who ctb'd. It's rare. That wont be your problem though. You'll be gone and hopefully at peace. Can't wait to reach that point one day.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

I'm bipolar as well and I know this feeling too well. I wish I could just erase that goddam disease from my miind.

Me too. I feel like if I didn't get my mother's disorders then I would be normal. I feel like there's something rotten inside of me and anyone who gets too close gets infected

 

[Sheisgoneee]

Me too. I feel like if I didn't get my mother's disorders then I would be normal. I feel like there's something rotten inside of me and anyone who gets too close gets infected

They either get infected or run away from you by fear of being infected. I just lost my partner and a lot of friends thanks to that. Family will always be there but they can't be the only ones in your life. Eventually, your existence just revolves in you being sad, angry, manic, and depressed. You'll gain friends while manic and happy but you'll realize they don't really care when your emotions turn all ugly and they have to be there.