Venting I hate everyone I used to love

[therhydler]

I can't help it. It's too much. Everyone I love is doing everything they can to prevent me from doing something to myself. And I can't fucking stand it any more. I know they think they are doing good and it's not their fault, but my desperation has turned into hate. There are absolutely no positive emotions left in me. I have turned into a fucking monster. If the price to pay for dying peacefully now was to take someone with me I would probably do it. Don't know why I'm writing this just feel like I have to

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I can relate. I hate everyone too and can't wait to CTB so that I never see any of them again. I've even moved my CTB date closer because I'm going nuts with rage. My family members all have various problems and I don't even care. I feel like a sociopath these days while I used to be an empath.

 

[Jodes]

I can't help it. It's too much. Everyone I love is doing everything they can to prevent me from doing something to myself. And I can't fucking stand it any more. I know they think they are doing good and it's not their fault, but my desperation has turned into hate. There are absolutely no positive emotions left in me. I have turned into a fucking monster. If the price to pay for dying peacefully now was to take someone with me I would probably do it. Don't know why I'm writing this just feel like I have to

Do you truly actually hate them? It really sounds like you dont, I really don't think you mean those things. You're not a monster

 

[Jodes]

I think opinions can be swayed essily on here sometimes by the leanings first few post

 

[therhydler]

Do you truly actually hate them? It really sounds like you dont, I really don't think you mean those things. You're not a monster

I hate them for what they are doing even though I know they think it's for the best

 

[Jodes]

I hate them for what they are doing even though I know they think it's for the best

Ok... I think a strong word for family that care but you know, sociopathy is real in some more than others and its the actions that really matter

 

[therhydler]

Ok... I think a strong word for family that care but you know, sociopathy is real in some more than others and its the actions that really matter

I think my emotions are really high after yesterday when a package came for me and they opened it without my knowlegde and confiscated it. I know why they do it but it made me furious because I feel so helpless

 

[therhydler]

Ok... I think a strong word for family that care but you know, sociopathy is real in some more than others and its the actions that really matter

I also think it's a defense mechanism because when I first started thinking that I have to ctb the guilt I felt about what it would do to my family made me physically sick. It was the worst feeling in the world and persisted for a long time. Until I just couldnt take it any more...

 

[Jodes]

made me furious because I feel do helpless

A little bit hard to associate with when you put it like that for me, but sounds like mood swings are hard for you too. It's like flipping between fight and flight

 

[Jodes]

I also think it's a defense mechanism because when I first started thinking that I have to ctb the guilt I felt about what it would do to my family made me physically sick. It was the worst feeling in the world and persisted for a long time. Until I just couldnt take it any more...

I dont think thats what creates sociopathy. Feeling guilt doesn't do that

 

[therhydler]

I dont think thats what creates sociopathy. Feeling guilt doesn't do that

I don't think it's sociopathy though

 

[Jodes]

I don't think it's sociopathy though

Ok sorry for completely diverting the thread!

 

[therhydler]

Ok sorry for completely diverting the thread!

Haha it's fine I like to hear everyone's opinions

 

[Jodes]

Haha it's fine I like to hear everyone's opinions

Oh wait it was MsM3talGamer:

I can relate. I hate everyone too and can't wait to CTB so that I never see any of them again. I've even moved my CTB date closer because I'm going nuts with rage. My family members all have various problems and I don't even care. I feel like a sociopath these days while I used to be an empath.

 

[Eden2k]

I resent some people I love because I have only held for as long as I have for them. But they will never know our suffering.

 

[Jodes]

I resent some people I love because I have only held for as long as I have for them. But they will never know our suffering.

I said that before, I regret it. I didn't actually resent them. Don't hurt them by acting on that belief, eg telling them. Or -being- resentful, youve rationalised it

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

Well its just that some people can see clearly the prison walls even though they are painted bright pastell, the others unwittingly have become our jailers and i turn my head ever so cockeyed and keep repeating dont you see the walls?

 

[TAW122]

Do they have the right to open your packages? I assume that you are an adult and if the mail/parcel is addressed in your name, then ethically (and I think legally) they are not allowed to open others' mail without their permission.

 

[therhydler]

Do they have the right to open your packages? I assume that you are an adult and if the mail/parcel is addressed in your name, then ethically (and I think legally) they are not allowed to open others' mail without their permission.

Yes I am an adult that is why I was furious. But my mum moved in with me after my first attempt failed badly and is controlling my every move

 

[Empty Smile]

I know how you feel. I was ready to ctb next week, but because family went on got me specific xmas gifts, I may be putting my time on hold. Haven't decided yet.