Venting I hate doing wage labor for maintaining my existence

[CynicalHopelessness]

My life is lacking enjoyment, and having to sacrifice 8 hours for 5 days every week is frustrating.

Okay, I am extremely privileged compared to some, since I work 100% remotely, with decent pay and stuff I used to like. I used to love programming as a student, but when I started working as a software engineer, my passion waned but I was able to quickly pick up more interesting technologies and there still was a spark of joy when I coded out of my work. Switched jobs, and despite having better pay, tech & conditions, I lost enthusiasm in 2 months-ish and it all became a drag. Repeat once more - I was offered to work remotely with more convenient hours, with tech I love, less pay though - and now I have zero enthusiasm towards doing anything related at any time.

So, the more I pursued to turn what I enjoyed doing into an income source, the less there was to enjoy for me. There's always this forcing of hours, the power dynamic of "we pay you, so your wishes matter little", the pointlessness of everything you're doing as I've always been extremely removed from people whom were/are using what I was making, and the ever-looming homelessness and starvation should you stop spinning the hamster wheel for a long enough period.

As time passed, everything just became a drag. Well, it hasn't been better at school - in fact, it has been much worse for me - but it's still a 5-day sacrifice to capitalism gods for the right to exist. Not that I enjoy existing much, but the working hours are when I'm the most miserable.

I'm just tired of going through this shit for no purpose, and I want to stop it badly enough to start planning CTB. Anybody else feels like this?

 

[Busdriver]

I feel the exact same. Forced to work as a slave for some money to survive. If you don't like your job then it is your problem, according to society

It is hard to keep this up till we are 70

 

[Alec]

My life is lacking enjoyment, and having to sacrifice 8 hours for 5 days every week is frustrating.

Okay, I am extremely privileged compared to some, since I work 100% remotely, with decent pay and stuff I used to like. I used to love programming as a student, but when I started working as a software engineer, my passion waned but I was able to quickly pick up more interesting technologies and there still was a spark of joy when I coded out of my work. Switched jobs, and despite having better pay, tech & conditions, I lost enthusiasm in 2 months-ish and it all became a drag. Repeat once more - I was offered to work remotely with more convenient hours, with tech I love, less pay though - and now I have zero enthusiasm towards doing anything related at any time.

So, the more I pursued to turn what I enjoyed doing into an income source, the less there was to enjoy for me. There's always this forcing of hours, the power dynamic of "we pay you, so your wishes matter little", the pointlessness of everything you're doing as I've always been extremely removed from people whom were/are using what I was making, and the ever-looming homelessness and starvation should you stop spinning the hamster wheel for a long enough period.

As time passed, everything just became a drag. Well, it hasn't been better at school - in fact, it has been much worse for me - but it's still a 5-day sacrifice to capitalism gods for the right to exist. Not that I enjoy existing much, but the working hours are when I'm the most miserable.

I'm just tired of going through this shit for no purpose, and I want to stop it badly enough to start planning CTB. Anybody else feels like this?

YES! I feel exactly like this about working too, it all is so pointless to work 40hrs a week just to pay for my existence, and I don't even enjoy being alive that much. And it's the same for me with the ever looming homelessness and starvation! We have to work to continue to exist in this world but we didn't even ask to be brought here and we are denied the exit from it.(unless you are granted voluntary euthanasia) Now that I put it into writing that literally sounds like just slavery. And even if I stay and keep spinning this hamster wheel, what for? What's the goal? What's the purpose? I'm gonna keep spinning it for years and years until I die, because in the end I die anyway. So it's like-work a day so that I may live another day which I will spend working so that I may live yet another day that I will spend working and so on and so on until I just die. And then I'm just dead. I can die after years and years of this shit, or I can die now, either way I'll be dead the difference is only in how many years I will have spent here suffering. This is the truth, this is the reality.

 

[Bleachedwhale]

I feel the exact same. Forced to work as a slave for some money to survive. If you don't like your job then it is your problem, according to society

It is hard to keep this up till we are 70

I feel the exact same way!. I started climbing the ladder and got a supervisor position but had to work from 6am till 7pm running around a factory non stop still getting paid shit money so someone else gets rich. I do not like having to boss around the general labourers who get treated poorly doing shitty work for a wage were they have to live paycheck to paycheck. I've recently left that job now I feel hopeless. I quit every job I've had because of how bad it emotionally and psychically drains me. I can't do the normal day to day life. My daughter has just left to go with her father. She said my depression scares her and she can't deal. Now I'm alone. The only thing that kept me going has now turned their back like everyone else. I hate it here. There is a ache in my heart I can't explain.

 

[ExistentialEntropy]

Everyone feels like this at some point in their work life. I did for a while. Eventually I found that making my career a major focus of my life unlocked feelings of reward around work based achievements. I then got addicted to work and became a workaholic. I found that was a good way to survive capitalism; just play the game. The more invested you get in your work, the more it feels like the main purpose of your life, which usually unlocks more doors to promotion. Eventually the pay just felt like a bonus for doing something I enjoyed.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

I would do wage labour to get access to my preffered choice of ctb. It would make my days less depressed. I used to be stressed about my jobs but at this point all i see is death, and all the care i can give is for death. So job and life can go be as shitty as they want.

Its all about that motivation...

 

[Painless_end]

Everyone feels like this at some point in their work life. I did for a while. Eventually I found that making my career a major focus of my life unlocked feelings of reward around work based achievements. I then got addicted to work and became a workaholic. I found that was a good way to survive capitalism; just play the game. The more invested you get in your work, the more it feels like the main purpose of your life, which usually unlocks more doors to promotion. Eventually the pay just felt like a bonus for doing something I enjoyed.

You sound very sorted out. Why are you here then ? Just curious.

 

[262653]

I'm not working for other people (yet; hopefully will never be) but I agree. Doing job I don't want to to maintain the existence I'm not very fond of? This is so absurd.
It is as if you were working for your clients, and then you would pay them for it. Try to propose this work model to others and they will probably react with either outrage or laughter, but rarely with: "Fine by me! When do I start?" Well unless they like the job itself but then it's more of a hobby. (You pay to do things you enjoy.)

 

[profoundexperience]

Exactly. It's completely pointless.

This song expresses it beautifully for me...

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life...

Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money then you die.

No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold*, I am here in my mold*.

I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

- Bitter Sweet Symphony song by The Verve

* "My mold" being life/existence = where I need to eat (make money) in order to survive...

 

[ExistentialEntropy]

You sound very sorted out. Why are you here then ? Just curious.

I had Covid 19. Without getting into details, the damage it has done to me has taken the wind out of my sails and then some. I'm not the same person and there's every indication that it's not going to get any better.

The work ethic I described above is not something I can now physically aspire to. The key is still there, but the engine is broken. Which is a total bummer.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I don't think anyone likes being a wageslave. Most people have shitty jobs that they hate, myself included. I'll never be able to retire so CTB is inevitable at some point.