I hate decision making

[noname223]

I did not do many severe bad decisions in my life. Maybe I should have fleed from my family when I was a child but I was threatened to tell anyone about my abuse. I fucking despise making decisions in my life. I know in my current position almost anything could have VERY severe awfull consequences. I don't know any way out. I postpone a lot and the problems grow. My mind is way too fragile to handle this pressure. My family is pressuring me to find a job. I am really unable to work a normal job. Damn I have to go to a clinic every year in order to stop me from my ctb obsession.
Today I just did not want to leave my bed. I think my red lines are partl crossed or start to get crossed and I keep asking me not doing it now. MY biggest red line is not crossed yet but I will have to my a very risky decision in the next half year and it is kind of likely this might kill me. But doing nothing kills me too. Why the fuck is this all happening to me? Why why? My life was so cynical. I never had a chance. My life was destroyed when I was 5.

 

[WornOutLife]

Flip a coin!
I really do that when I'm unsure about something lol.

Although there are some decisions, like yours, which are very hard to make.

Hope you can sort this out!!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate decision making too. If I choose to do what is the wrong thing for me, and end up with negative consequences, I feel regretful and worse than I originally did. This life can be exhausting and at times I see death as the only way to get peace. Having to deal with constant pressure can be awful, there is only so much that our minds can take.

 

[luten]

when i can't make a decision, it means no to me. I'd rather distant myself from that decision, and come back to it (if it did not go away by itself, and it usually does) when I know for sure what I want. Hesitation also means no to me. When people tell me that they dont know, I take that as a no.

I also come from a very violent childhood + severe medical conditions since childhood. We did not choose this, but we can choose to be better than our abusers, do better in life.

regards;

wolf