Venting i hate college its so lonely here

[dogbreath]

i am a junior in college and still haven't made any friends at all. At this point I feel like its too late for me and I should give up. I was never really social growing up, I had a couple of friends but I mostly talked to them just to survive middle/high school. As cheesy/weird as this sounds, human beings terrify me, hate talking to people so much. Tbh I thought college was gonna be different but no, genuinely feel like an alien here and people are avoiding me. I know it's kinda on me though since I don't initiate conversations and just wait for someone to talk to me but my mind is literally empty. I have nothing to talk about because i've done nothing in my life i've spent most of my life laying in bed doing nothing. I cannot continue conversations because I cannot think of anything so I am destined to be alone. I'm close to graduating and i'm scared and don't want to. I haven't accomplished anything at all in college.

One of the only reasons why I still bothered to even stay alive was my cat. He's so sweet and lovely but lately he's been anxious and aggressive with my other pets. Took him to the vet, vet said he seemed to be fine but I had him for two years now and its so weird to see him so aggressive and upset all of a sudden :( I'm kind of taking that as a sign that its time for me to go. Nothing else makes me happy and everything hurts. I have no motivation, no goals, no ambition. I'm average and I wanna die because everyone around me wants me to go above and beyond. My ray of sunshine is gone and I can't do this anymore. I still need to plan things out and I actually remember when IC was still online and I was thinking of buying from there but didn't because I thought I should save my money for groceries and oh my god im so mad at my past self for not buying SN when it was still available i think i might just do hanging or something because its cheap and im a broke college student but rip IC

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I would get a part time job. Preferably at a place that has a social work environement. Like a restaurant. You're more likely to meet your social circle at work then uni.

 

[CocoToxBase]

I relate to this so much and I feel your pain. College sucks ass but idk if this will make you feel better but college friends don't really last anyway, I know it may feel embarassing, lonely or uncomfortable that you have no one but when you get older and leave college it does open new pathways for relationships. Starting a job is a great way to make friends, everyone around you just wants the job to go quicker and your social skills will improve and improve. As you get older the generation tends to not care about who they are friends with as long as they are a true friend and you click then nothing else matters. In the younger generation it's all about who's the 'coolest' who has the most money, who's the funniest ect. Unless you are undiagnosed with autism then it will be exceptionally hard throughout your whole life to be social. I honestly like being alone, no one to bother me and no arguments. It's peaceful this way but very lonely but as time has gone on, I've got used to the loneliness and I'm comfortable with it but that's my personal opinion. Honestly fuck other human beings especially if their a pro lifer

 

[FujoshiNeet]

Have you tried clubs? I had success going to anime club. We mainly sat and watched w/o the stress of needing to talk. Exchanging small pleasantries and commentary on the anime was really easy for me in that environment.