Venting I hate celebrating my birthday these days, I would be better off dead, I am fucking done ,FR.

[PracheenKaal_00!]

I really mean it, I hate celebrating my birthday unlike the earlier days.
I'm pretty sure that I am hated by a lot of people, also my mental health is getting even worse. And I am treated like an partial outcast. What different would it be on my birthday. I'm pretty sure that they would be happy that I am dead.

Except for my family, some of my friends and relatives I am hated by everyone else. It really hurts me that I would hurt them by CTB. But what other damn choice do I have. I have tried all sorts of help, nothing has worked. I am done. How long do I have to suffer. How long do I have to live for others. I just cannot handle it. But I cannot show it outside. I really hate my worthless damn self.

The only thing I'm happy about my coming birthday (31 Aug) is that it would be my last birthday ever.
I would have CTB before my birthday, but I did not have a definitive plan at all. Anyways, at present, I am properly planning my CTB, should decide on the method pretty soon and start executing my plans.

Now, I just have to be careful to not rush with my plans, and wait for my family's / friend's / relative's birthdays to get over. After that I'm free to CTB and find my everlasting peace that I had desired for so damn long. No one can stop me. Nothing will convince me to stop my plans.

I really hate my birthday and I mean it, I am so damn done. I have lost all hopes, CTB is the only thing that will help me be at peace forever.
I do not want to live anymore beyond Jan 2024 at max. If they discover my plans, try to stop me / If my plans are discovered, then I will have to CTB immediately using the train option during midnight.

Screw my damn life. I am fucking worthless. I would be better off dead. Wish I wasn't born at all. I am fucking done. I have already made up my mind, by deciding to CTB by Jan end at max. Living beyond that will not at all happen no matter what.

Why should this worthless life live, when he is better off being dead, so that others would be happy.
It's worthless for me to live. Just scrapping by these days.

I am fucking done. I had enough, I really had enough.
I just cannot handle this anymore.
I just cannot....
Cannot....
Cant....
No.....

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally dislike what birthdays represent which is another year spent suffering here but anyway I hope you eventually find the freedom you search for as I understand that it really can be so torturous and dreadful having to endure this existence.

 

[DeadHead]

My birthday and Christmas day are the 2 hardest days of the year for me, so I can relate.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I really mean it, I hate celebrating my birthday unlike the earlier days.
I'm pretty sure that I am hated by a lot of people, also my mental health is getting even worse. And I am treated like an partial outcast. What different would it be on my birthday. I'm pretty sure that they would be happy that I am dead.

Except for my family, some of my friends and relatives I am hated by everyone else. It really hurts me that I would hurt them by CTB. But what other damn choice do I have. I have tried all sorts of help, nothing has worked. I am done. How long do I have to suffer. How long do I have to live for others. I just cannot handle it. But I cannot show it outside. I really hate my worthless damn self.

The only thing I'm happy about my coming birthday (31 Aug) is that it would be my last birthday ever.
I would have CTB before my birthday, but I did not have a definitive plan at all. Anyways, at present, I am properly planning my CTB, should decide on the method pretty soon and start executing my plans.

Now, I just have to be careful to not rush with my plans, and wait for my family's / friend's / relative's birthdays to get over. After that I'm free to CTB and find my everlasting peace that I had desired for so damn long. No one can stop me. Nothing will convince me to stop my plans.

I really hate my birthday and I mean it, I am so damn done. I have lost all hopes, CTB is the only thing that will help me be at peace forever.
I do not want to live anymore beyond Jan 2024 at max. If they discover my plans, try to stop me / If my plans are discovered, then I will have to CTB immediately using the train option during midnight.

Screw my damn life. I am fucking worthless. I would be better off dead. Wish I wasn't born at all. I am fucking done. I have already made up my mind, by deciding to CTB by Jan end at max. Living beyond that will not at all happen no matter what.

Why should this worthless life live, when he is better off being dead, so that others would be happy.
It's worthless for me to live. Just scrapping by these days.

I am fucking done. I had enough, I really had enough.
I just cannot handle this anymore.
I just cannot....
Cannot....
Cant....
No.....

Hello,

This is not birthday wishes - sorry for my strange letter, but I have a wish.
I tried to do my best, but please kindly tell me if this is inappropriate.

Hello Pracheen,
Sorry, I'm just a stranger to you,
But I can't ignore what you're going through,
How hard and painful your life has been.

I wish you to receive a present.
For you, it will be the most pleasant -
A smooth trip to an eternal peace.
In your life, this will be the last piece.

Even now, you think of your classmates,
And have a concern about their fates.
So may you receive love, even though,
Time might be too short before you go.

You've fought so fiercely, for your release -
May your final victory be peace.

Love,
LoiteringClouds 31 August 2023

 

[egoaltru]

Oh, wow! Your birthday is the day after mine. I turned 19 today and I never really saw myself living to this day. Since the day after I graduated high school, I've never thought, "I'm glad to still be alive to experience x." As time goes by, I always end up wishing I had CTB much earlier.

 

[sunnysidedown]

birthdays do hit hard... theyre just reminders that youre still alive

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Hello,

This is not birthday wishes - sorry for my strange letter, but I have a wish.
I tried to do my best, but please kindly tell me if this is inappropriate.

Hello Pracheen,
Sorry, I'm just a stranger to you,
But I can't ignore what you're going through,
How hard and painful your life has been.

I wish you to receive a present.
For you, it will be the most pleasant -
A smooth trip to an eternal peace.
In your life, this will be the last piece.

Even now, you think of your classmates,
And have a concern about their fates.
So may you receive love, even though,
Time might be too short before you go.

You've fought so fiercely, for your release -
May your final victory be peace.

Love,
LoiteringClouds 31 August 2023

View attachment 119396

Thanks my guy

Don't worry, it is not inappropriate.

My birthday and Christmas day are the 2 hardest days of the year for me, so I can relate.

I hope that you are able to find your peace that u desire

birthdays do hit hard... theyre just reminders that youre still alive

True that

I personally dislike what birthdays represent which is another year spent suffering here but anyway I hope you eventually find the freedom you search for as I understand that it really can be so torturous and dreadful having to endure this existence.

I hope to find my freedom by Jan end at max. Me being alive beyond Jan will not happen.
These days my existence feels like a suffocation, it's getting even worse as the days go by. These days, I dread my existence .
CTB is the only option to help me find my peace.

Oh, wow! Your birthday is the day after mine. I turned 19 today and I never really saw myself living to this day. Since the day after I graduated high school, I've never thought, "I'm glad to still be alive to experience x." As time goes by, I always end up wishing I had CTB much earlier.

I hope you are able to find the peace that you yearn for