wildflowers1996

wildflowers1996

Arcanist
Oct 14, 2023
474
and it's not because I feel "too ugly to be loved"

I just hate being ugly anyway. Even if everyone adored me I'd still be miserable.

I'm sick of being the ugly girl. And I cannot improve myself to get to a point where I'd be happy (I've tried - cosmetic surgery 3x). Even if I could, I'll always remember being the ugly girl and identify as the ugly girl.

I don't care if others don't think I'm ugly because I do and I don't want to "accept" myself. And I'm quite ugly on the inside too. My voice is ugly to me. Everything I do just feels ugly. The way I move and behave and just - everything. Even my handwriting and drawing is ugly.

If ONLY I could die. I feel like I'm just here to be laughed at. But I can't hurt my family so I just have to go on being the ugly girl
 
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Golemishna

Golemishna

Member
Jun 30, 2023
40
Im sorry... dont know what to say to make you feel better
 
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James Sunderland

James Sunderland

"In my restless dreams, I see that town…"
Oct 6, 2024
66
It sounds like you're in a lot of pain, and I hear you when you say it's not about how others see you, it's about how you see yourself.

You've put effort into changing things, and it's frustrating to feel like nothing makes a difference inside. I can't pretend to know exactly what you're feeling, but I do know that it's hard to live with those kinds of thoughts day in and day out. If you ever feel like talking more about what's behind these feelings, I'm here to listen, as always.
 
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Wolf Girl

Wolf Girl

Not looking for advice or a pep talk
Jun 12, 2024
173
Yeah, I feel this way. I hate never getting to enjoy wearing a skimpy outfit in public because my body is so awkward. And it doesn't matter whatever weight I am. I'm covered in scars, built awkwardly and gross.

I'm really sorry you feel that way, OP. đź«‚
 
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wildflowers1996

wildflowers1996

Arcanist
Oct 14, 2023
474
It sounds like you're in a lot of pain, and I hear you when you say it's not about how others see you, it's about how you see yourself.

You've put effort into changing things, and it's frustrating to feel like nothing makes a difference inside. I can't pretend to know exactly what you're feeling, but I do know that it's hard to live with those kinds of thoughts day in and day out. If you ever feel like talking more about what's behind these feelings, I'm here to listen, as always.
I'm sorry you struggle with those thoughts too and thank you for your kindness.

Literally all I want is to die. It's like being in a play my entire life and I've been forced to play the role of "the ugly girl" the whole time. I'm sick of it. But I love my family so I have to go on being the ugly, gross girl. It just sucks because I feel if I hadn't been ugly, I could have achieved things, but I don't want to do life at all being ugly.
Yeah, I feel this way. I hate never getting to enjoy wearing a skimpy outfit in public because my body is so awkward. And it doesn't matter whatever weight I am. I'm covered in scars, built awkwardly and gross.

I'm really sorry you feel that way, OP. đź«‚
I'm sorry for your suffering too. :(
 
James Sunderland

James Sunderland

"In my restless dreams, I see that town…"
Oct 6, 2024
66
I'm sorry you struggle with those thoughts too and thank you for your kindness.

Literally all I want is to die. It's like being in a play my entire life and I've been forced to play the role of "the ugly girl" the whole time. I'm sick of it. But I love my family so I have to go on being the ugly, gross girl. It just sucks because I feel if I hadn't been ugly, I could have achieved things, but I don't want to do life at all being ugly.

I'm sorry for your suffering too. :(
I hear you, and I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. It's like you're stuck in a role that you never asked for, and it's exhausting.

You keep going for your family, but that doesn't make it any less painful for you. It's a lot to carry alone, doesn't it?
 
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wildflowers1996

wildflowers1996

Arcanist
Oct 14, 2023
474
I hear you, and I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. It's like you're stuck in a role that you never asked for, and it's exhausting.

You keep going for your family, but that doesn't make it any less painful for you. It's a lot to carry alone, doesn't it?
It's incredibly isolating, yes, and it all feels so pointless. If I knew this was a punishment, maybe I'd actually feel better in some way - this is what I deserve. But I don't know what I did so wrong to be this way and it hurts
 
CatLove56

CatLove56

Experienced
Jun 30, 2018
297
and it's not because I feel "too ugly to be loved"

I just hate being ugly anyway. Even if everyone adored me I'd still be miserable.

I'm sick of being the ugly girl. And I cannot improve myself to get to a point where I'd be happy (I've tried - cosmetic surgery 3x). Even if I could, I'll always remember being the ugly girl and identify as the ugly girl.

I don't care if others don't think I'm ugly because I do and I don't want to "accept" myself. And I'm quite ugly on the inside too. My voice is ugly to me. Everything I do just feels ugly. The way I move and behave and just - everything. Even my handwriting and drawing is ugly.

If ONLY I could die. I feel like I'm just here to be laughed at. But I can't hurt my family so I just have to go on being the ugly girl
call it a cope but sometimes I wonder how many beautiful people are ugly on the inside or devoid of any kind of meaning. see a lot of only fans creators for example can't help but wonder how much of it is an act. I'm not one to usually sympathize for pretty people and their problems but I can't help but think their are trade offs for everything.
 
wildflowers1996

wildflowers1996

Arcanist
Oct 14, 2023
474
call it a cope but sometimes I wonder how many beautiful people are ugly on the inside or devoid of any kind of meaning. see a lot of only fans creators for example can't help but wonder how much of it is an act. I'm not one to usually sympathize for pretty people and their problems but I can't help but think their are trade offs for everything.
idk I've seen happy, beautiful and kind people. I try not to feel resentful but it's hard
 

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