I hate being a loner

[catperson]

I hate being a loner Im a fucking loser all i want is to not be alone, not feel so lonely but I can only blame myself I don't leave the house including all of last summer I've left the house about 9 times and only 2 of those times i went in a public place,
Im so insecure. I hate myself so much to the point I can't go outside, about 3 weeks ago my dog wouldn't go outside, so I had to go out to get him to go out and it took me about 30 mins to gather up the courage to go outside and when I finally did my dog wouldn't even go out. oh, and did I mention my backyard is completely closed off and it was in the middle of night? I can't be around open windows even the ones that go into my backyard/sides that no one can even see. Luckily im in the basement
I do online school I can't do in person last year i got a case because of how much i had missed but especially towards the end I literally couldn't handle that shit and i was just known as the weird guy who looks like a "school shooter" anyways

I hate talking to people even texting gives me extreme anxiety. Anytime I try to talk to someone my brain likes to do this funny thing where I literally can't think of anything to say and all I can think is just over thinking. i'm extremely awkward so i be saying the stupidest fucking shit. No one likes talking to me and I don't blame them. I'm dry as fuck and can't keep a conversation, the weird thing is is, I was an extrovert as a kid, and when i was like 9-13 all I would do was be out I would ride my bike all over and be out all day everyday I would listen to music and be anywhere but home

I feel like I'm missing out on the best years of my life. especially since I'm going to CTB I feel like I'm even more wasting my life because I know I'm wasting the little time I have left sitting in my room rotting on my electronics I just wanna be able to go outside and not feel uncontrollable, anxiousness, and anxiety. I want to be able to go to the park, i wanna ride my skateboard that I taught myself how to ride in my basement/garage that I've never used outside, go to the movies, go to the store, fuck I want to be able to go get the mail from the mailbox
The thing I hate the most is that me doing this is just putting my social skills even more in the fucking shits than it already is and I already can't talk to people I know im just a fucking loser

 

[S like suicide]

im just a fucking loser

You are not a fucking loser,anxiety can be so bad to the point that you can't even go out of your house and talk to people.i experimented it too and it's not a joke,it's hell...don't be so harsh on yourself

 

[Foreverix]

"I feel like I'm missing out on the best years of my life."

The best years of your life is a relative statement. I hated my teenage years: they were some of the most painful, awkward, and miserable years of my life. I would never want to relive that period of time. I was a loner to the max, and invested a huge amount of energy everyday into hating my existence.

However, my twenties were probably some of my most secure and enjoyable years. I don't know where the shift happened exactly, but taking my first SSRI before college may have had something to do with it.

I'm in my 30s now, have tried a handful of different medications, developed anxiety with the depression, gotten fat and unhealthy, and have no interest in seeing what may await me farther along. Who knows, if I wait to my 50s there may be another enjoyable period of time. The likelihood of that happening is small though. Ultimately, it's unknown.

It's all relative. Things may get better for you given enough time and change, or they may get exponentially worse, or just stay the same. One's "best years" is a sentimental, nonsense term that's usually only developed comparatively in hindsight, viewing life as a timeline. The reality is that there's only ever now.

 

[purple417]

have u tried making friends online? maybe doing that can help with ur social skills and social anxiety

 

[catperson]

"I feel like I'm missing out on the best years of my life."

The best years of your life is a relative statement. I hated my teenage years: they were some of the most painful, awkward, and miserable years of my life. I would never want to relive that period of time. I was a loner to the max, and invested a huge amount of energy everyday into hating my existence.

However, my twenties were probably some of my most secure and enjoyable years. I don't know where the shift happened exactly, but taking my first SSRI before college may have had something to do with it.

I'm in my 30s now, have tried a handful of different medications, developed anxiety with the depression, gotten fat and unhealthy, and have no interest in seeing what may await me farther along. Who knows, if I wait to my 50s there may be another enjoyable period of time. The likelihood of that happening is small though. Ultimately, it's unknown.

It's all relative. Things may get better for you given enough time and change, or they may get exponentially worse, or just stay the same. One's "best years" is a sentimental, nonsense term that's usually only developed comparatively in hindsight, viewing life as a timeline. The reality is that there's only ever now.

I've thought about this before, and yeah you're probably right if I were to just wait, I know life would probably get better but where I am now I don't see myself living to get to that point. That's why it's so frustrating im living my life like this. But thank you and i wish u well in life <3

 

[avaruus]

I hate being a loner Im a fucking loser all i want is to not be alone, not feel so lonely but I can only blame myself I don't leave the house including all of last summer I've left the house about 9 times and only 2 of those times i went in a public place,
Im so insecure. I hate myself so much to the point I can't go outside, about 3 weeks ago my dog wouldn't go outside, so I had to go out to get him to go out and it took me about 30 mins to gather up the courage to go outside and when I finally did my dog wouldn't even go out. oh, and did I mention my backyard is completely closed off and it was in the middle of night? I can't be around open windows even the ones that go into my backyard/sides that no one can even see. Luckily im in the basement
I do online school I can't do in person last year i got a case because of how much i had missed but especially towards the end I literally couldn't handle that shit and i was just known as the weird guy who looks like a "school shooter" anyways

I hate talking to people even texting gives me extreme anxiety. Anytime I try to talk to someone my brain likes to do this funny thing where I literally can't think of anything to say and all I can think is just over thinking. i'm extremely awkward so i be saying the stupidest fucking shit. No one likes talking to me and I don't blame them. I'm dry as fuck and can't keep a conversation, the weird thing is is, I was an extrovert as a kid, and when i was like 9-13 all I would do was be out I would ride my bike all over and be out all day everyday I would listen to music and be anywhere but home

I feel like I'm missing out on the best years of my life. especially since I'm going to CTB I feel like I'm even more wasting my life because I know I'm wasting the little time I have left sitting in my room rotting on my electronics I just wanna be able to go outside and not feel uncontrollable, anxiousness, and anxiety. I want to be able to go to the park, i wanna ride my skateboard that I taught myself how to ride in my basement/garage that I've never used outside, go to the movies, go to the store, fuck I want to be able to go get the mail from the mailbox
The thing I hate the most is that me doing this is just putting my social skills even more in the fucking shits than it already is and I already can't talk to people I know im just a fucking loser

I'm you. I'm literally you.

 

[Foreverix]

I've thought about this before, and yeah you're probably right if I were to just wait, I know life would probably get better but where I am now I don't see myself living to get to that point. That's why it's so frustrating im living my life like this. But thank you and i wish u well in life <3

Fair enough, my friend.

I'm you. I'm literally you.

"Is that you, John Wayne. Is this me?"

 

[AlouA]

I hate being a loner Im a fucking loser all i want is to not be alone, not feel so lonely but I can only blame myself I don't leave the house including all of last summer I've left the house about 9 times and only 2 of those times i went in a public place,
Im so insecure. I hate myself so much to the point I can't go outside, about 3 weeks ago my dog wouldn't go outside, so I had to go out to get him to go out and it took me about 30 mins to gather up the courage to go outside and when I finally did my dog wouldn't even go out. oh, and did I mention my backyard is completely closed off and it was in the middle of night? I can't be around open windows even the ones that go into my backyard/sides that no one can even see. Luckily im in the basement
I do online school I can't do in person last year i got a case because of how much i had missed but especially towards the end I literally couldn't handle that shit and i was just known as the weird guy who looks like a "school shooter" anyways

I hate talking to people even texting gives me extreme anxiety. Anytime I try to talk to someone my brain likes to do this funny thing where I literally can't think of anything to say and all I can think is just over thinking. i'm extremely awkward so i be saying the stupidest fucking shit. No one likes talking to me and I don't blame them. I'm dry as fuck and can't keep a conversation, the weird thing is is, I was an extrovert as a kid, and when i was like 9-13 all I would do was be out I would ride my bike all over and be out all day everyday I would listen to music and be anywhere but home

I feel like I'm missing out on the best years of my life. especially since I'm going to CTB I feel like I'm even more wasting my life because I know I'm wasting the little time I have left sitting in my room rotting on my electronics I just wanna be able to go outside and not feel uncontrollable, anxiousness, and anxiety. I want to be able to go to the park, i wanna ride my skateboard that I taught myself how to ride in my basement/garage that I've never used outside, go to the movies, go to the store, fuck I want to be able to go get the mail from the mailbox
The thing I hate the most is that me doing this is just putting my social skills even more in the fucking shits than it already is and I already can't talk to people I know im just a fucking loser

It really sxcks being in a third world country... online school is fxcking expensive here so i need to go to physical school,regardless my heart goes out for you... I'm the same.. if i were to rate my social skills it would 1/10.. Anyway if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?.. I'm 18 and i feel so fxckng pathetic not having outgrown my fears