Venting I had a talk with my father today, I’m very angry now

[アホペンギン]

My father today tried to apologize for what he did to me all these years, I don't think one apology can make me forget a decade of abuse. He CONSTANTLY reminded me of how fucking useless and incompetent I am and how I'd never amount to anything all those years ago, by abusing me verbally and physically, I can never forget it and he will never be forgiven. He ruined my life and he isn't even aware of it, he thinks I will immediately forgive him after listening to his apology. If only he took that anxiety medication sooner than later maybe I wouldn't be here right now. He even blamed me for my depression by saying that I should've talked to him when I felt bad, he was the reason I felt like shit all the time and why would I tell him about it? It'd be blaming him right in front of his face and I'd only be met with more and more abuse. I'm so useless, he doesn't even know that because of his abuse I contemplate ctb all the time, I always catch myself planning my ctb when I have nothing to do or when I zone out during something..

 

[リンさん]

Oh man. I'm really sorry to hear your going through all of this.

My father had also abused both me and my mom for such a long time. It messed me up forever. Thank god I cut him out of my life years ago.

He tried to apologize so many times, but I just have so much hate and disgust boiling inside for this excuse of a person. I could never, ever forgive.

All this to say, I can understand your perspective. Forgiveness isn't something you owe him at all. If anything, I firmly believe people like these shouldn't be forgiven.

Please take care. None of this was your fault, and nobody deserved being abused from such a young age

 

[LivideLamb]

I'm very sorry all of that happened to you...
That seems like such a low move from him to just think that one apology will erase everything. It's sad but some people will never understand how much they destroyed us. It's quite depressing to be honest, at least to me

Have you ever thought of going no-contact with him ?

Wishing you luck and sunny days ahead

 

[アホペンギン]

Have you ever thought of going no-contact with him ?

I can't go no contact because we live in the same house, I have no job and all I do is lay in my bed and drink alcohol.. I can't survive on my own LOL..

 

[LivideLamb]

I can't go no contact because we live in the same house, I have no job and all I do is lay in my bed and drink alcohol.. I can't survive on my own LOL..

I definitely understand. I lived for a long time with my abusers. I couldn't go no-contact with them. Living on our own is pretty hard, it's a scary world out there

I can't go no contact because we live in the same house, I have no job and all I do is lay in my bed and drink alcohol.. I can't survive on my own LOL..

I definitely understand. I lived for a long time with my abusers. I couldn't go no-contact with them. Living on our own is pretty hard, it's a scary world out there

 

[Rogue Proxy]

You have every reason not to trust nor forgive that sperm donor. The victim-blaming and lack of genuine empathy, compassion, and remorse after that flimsy excuse of an "apology" has clearly destroyed any credibility of it. Hope you can permanently escape from that toxic pile of sludge.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Parents often try to "trim" their children according to their expectations but this often goes wrong and leads to suffering for the children. You don't have to forgive your father for destroying your life, this is unforgivable, but at least he tried to apologize probably he starts to think about it what he really did. This can only be a long term process to find a way to deal with that together with your father and it's totally up 2 you whether you want to give it a chance or not and it's also about your father whether he wants to understand what he did wrong.

You are not useless! I send you a *big virtual HUG* and I hope you can find a way out somehow.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it so horrible how many humans create so much harm in this world, it must have been so hellish what you've been through.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your father being really shitty to you. My parents have done a lot of emotional abuse when I was growing up as well, and for me, it has made me into what I am today and the problems that come with it (along with other personal issues not directly related to family or upbringing but I digress). I'm not sure what else I can say except that I'm in a similar boat as well and personally, I have resigned to the fact that I won't see justice (it's just a pipe dream) and I'm pretty much just numb to it and one day in the future I will CTB, and not just for one reason or few reasons, but many. Nonetheless my reasons for CTB'ing is secondary as the act and exercising of the right to CTB is primary.

 

[Immensevoid]

Remember only YOU'RE NOT even a word your father said to you during all this time and YOU'RE NOT the abuse that you have suffered.If you can allow not to identify yourself with what happened and to know the real good, valid, competent and very smart person you are with all your qualities (and some defect like all human beings), not the negative words and the bad things resulting from these bad experiences. I send you my best wishes and I really hope you can find a way to see the true healthy image and version of yourself and not the wrong one left in your head from the abuse.

 

[lita-lassi]

perhaps independence and the ability to cut him out entirely can be a new goal to work towards. nothing with family is easy, but it may be necessary

 

[Lost_my_soul]

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you got to run away and make a living on your own, the independence and strength it will give you would be immense.You might also make some new friends along the way, or come across the love of your life , idk, just give it a try :)