Venting i guess my end really is for soon

[aeri]

i guess my time really is coming. I really dont have anyone anymore. no friends. no family. boyfriend doesn't care anymore, as soon as i asked for support he disappeared. it's okay. it's actually better this way.

now that im stuck in a life i hate i really can ctb. i have no motives in trying again. i've tried enough. i did all my best. the end is for soon, before August i hope. i hope i can do it next week. i wanna do it. i dont wanna suffer anymore im hurting too much


it's perfect. it's the best time to do it. i've created the perfect setting. i will go away without any fears nor regrets. everything will be okay

 

[eternalflame]

Is your family dead? Also what is your method if i may ask?

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm sorry it's come to this and everything you've been through. I wish you got more support.

 

[aeri]

Is your family dead? Also what is your method if i may ask?

no they're not and it's sn

I'm sorry it's come to this and everything you've been through. I wish you got more support.

would have been wholesome if i had. but it's ok at least i can die without too many remorses

 

[eternalflame]

So you have no contact with your family?

 

[Suicidebydeath]

So you have no contact with your family?

Sometimes it's really hard to talk about family at all. No family can mean unsupportive or worse.

 

[rancidJLJL]

i guess my time really is coming. I really dont have anyone anymore. no friends. no family. boyfriend doesn't care anymore, as soon as i asked for support he disappeared. it's okay. it's actually better this way.

now that im stuck in a life i hate i really can ctb. i have no motives in trying again. i've tried enough. i did all my best. the end is for soon, before August i hope. i hope i can do it next week. i wanna do it. i dont wanna suffer anymore im hurting too much


it's perfect. it's the best time to do it. i've created the perfect setting. i will go away without any fears nor regrets. everything will be okay

Hi!
Sorry to hear your at the end of your tether.
While I respect your decision to end your life (I got my SN today), granted I dont fully know your situation but It seems you have nothing tying you down. Have you considered going travelling for a few years? I went away for 3 years a while ago and really let me reinvent myself. Didnt solve all my problems ofc but Im so glad I did it.
Sounds like you have nothing to lose so maybe give it a go? Worst case you can ctb on a beautiful mountain or at the beach in a foreign country.

Hope you find peace :)

 

[aeri]

Hi!
Sorry to hear your at the end of your tether.
While I respect your decision to end your life (I got my SN today), granted I dont fully know your situation but It seems you have nothing tying you down. Have you considered going travelling for a few years? I went away for 3 years a while ago and really let me reinvent myself. Didnt solve all my problems ofc but Im so glad I did it.
Sounds like you have nothing to lose so maybe give it a go? Worst case you can ctb on a beautiful mountain or at the beach in a foreign country.

Hope you find peace :)

wanted to travel in Europe to volunteer and stuff. but for what. yea it will be fun but i'll then have to work again and just suffer. there's no point in doing things i like again since i'll have to work again. this year was good i volunteered for 8 months. it was fun. but now i have to work. those 8 months of peace didn't worth it. having a bit of happiness and peace and harmony and all that isn't worth it. better die it's easier it's less painful

 

[eternalflame]

Sorry to hear that you're in pain. Wishing you the best in whatever you decide.

 

[aeri]

Sorry to hear that you're in pain. Wishing you the best in whatever you decide.

thank you

 

[FuneralCry]

Living really is so painful and I understand the feeling of being desperate to escape from it all. Life just seems to be endless misery and problems with no relief from suffering. Best wishes.

 

[keitaro]

may you find relief in whichever path you choose. how horrible life can be.

 

[aeri]

i had to eat a little since i was with my mom. but tonight after work at least 10h will have passed. i'd prefer to fast for at least 48h but i dont have the patience. moreover im scared the urge might disappear once again. in 48h i'd have calmed down. i dont want that. i want to end it. i WILL do it tonight. after work. at my place. not really how i wanted it to be but now what matters the most is that i end my pain. i dont want to let myself suffer again. tonight. tonight will be the end

 

[Mary5689]

I hope you leave in peace. I'm so sorry you're suffering. May there be some good on the other side of the world. Have a peaceful journey

 

[Shivali]

:Herz:

 

[annique]

I'm sorry life has mistreated you. I can only wish you a peaceful passing. Soon, I'm joining you in the otherside (hopefully in August).

 

[aeri]

thank yall for your kind words it means a lot

i begin to feel hungry, maybe now is a good time to do it. my appartment is a mess that's too bad. ideally i'd have loved to empty it before doing it but whatever ig. i think imma prepare my sn. or maybe not. i dont know if i feel ready but ready or not i have to die. i am growing tired of this constant pain

i wanna cry. i've been on the edge all day. i mean i always am, but today i really felt like i was always about to cry. im hurting. im in pain. im sad. but it's ok

it's all ok. i have to do it. i wanna do it. i wanna stop suffering

 

[keitaro]

if you end up deciding to do it, feel free to let us know so we can say goodbye. but if you're not sure, there's always another day~
maybe take some time to search your heart further, if you need to. things can get so overwhelming.
best wishes.

 

[aeri]

there always is another day, another year, another decade. i know myself i'd be ready to let myself suffer more and more and more just because i am scared

my sn is ready. everything is ready but me. i wanna cry. i wish i could have been helped. and i feel so alone. but it's how it is. that's how it always was. that how it had to be
everything is ready my sn is ready my life is at its worst i am now alone i have gathered the worst in everything i should be ready to die but im only crying. it hurts. i keep on crying. why cant i just commit it. im scared i wish i didn't want to die i wish i could have this happy life i tried to have. i swear on everything i tried really hard. i did all my best to be happy but here i am. why am i this scared of drinking that cmon it's only a drink. a cup.

i cant stop crying i wanna go to the emergencies and beg for help but why would i do that. what would happen. nothing as usual


i wanna text the ppl i love. but no one care anymore. im all alone

 

[keitaro]

we live in a cruel world where so many of us have to suffer alone and resort to the only thing that can bring us permanent relief. it's so sad.

 

[Mary5689]

It's okay) You don't have to rush anywhere. If you feel like you're not ready today, it's not the time yet. I know what it's like to want to die so badly but not be able to do it, like I'm torn between life and death. Give yourself time to make a final decision. You need to catch a moment when you will be calm and cool in this. I realized that I will not leave farewell topics, because then I can't focus on death. I also don't guess which day I I'll die. Let your psyche feel that you still have many days and nitrite is not the end, in principle it is, you can be saved
Write me)

 

[Disappointered]

I hope you find peace whichever way.

 

[aeri]

i keep on crying i wanna die i wanna cut i wanna be loved and supported but i have anyone anymore and i have to go to work

i just tried to end my life and i have to go to work

i just saw if i could have an appointment with my doctor, or i thought of going to the psy emergencies but for what. what would be the point. nothing but pain is on my way. i fucked up everything. i should die instead of being sad and scared and everything like that

 

[keitaro]

it can be so difficult to decide what to do when we are in pain, especially when we aren't sure whether asking for assistance will actually get us support or just bring disappointment. for me, it has only brought disappointment.

hopefully you can find some sort of relief somehow.