Story I got the new COVID variant

[Illegal Preclear]

God I hope I die from this. The odds are not in my favor. I'm 35 and have no pre-existing lung conditions, but it would be so great if this kills me. I purposely didn't get vaccinated for this reason. I haven't been to a doctor in close to a decade (unless you count the many involuntary psychiatric facility commitments.) I went into "go mode" for my CTB in January of 2024. I announced that this is the year I want to end it.

I have a fever and it feels like my brain is being fried. It actually feels good to feel like my body is being destroyed. Even if this doesn't kill me, maybe it'll kill my last remaining braincell and that will push me into going through with the hanging in October. I also have another opportunity in January.

My date was supposed to be September 11th. But I had to babysit the dog and I couldn't look the dog in the eyes and then have the dog watch me hang myself. Yeah, I know that's making excuses, but at the same time hanging certainly wasn't my first choice. I have a high pain tolerance but I've never actually attempted CTB so I don't know what full fledged SI feels like.

Maybe because I chickened out on September 11th, some spirit has decided to have mercy on me and say "alright, you've pussyfooted around long enough, time for your life to end."

I did very much want suicide to be my official cause of death, but I guess it's a form of suicide since I don't intend to see a doctor even if I suffocate to death. PLEASE just let me die.

SaSu - lend me your energy. Please send your prayers/vibes/intentions that I die of this. Thanks in advance.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wishing to be gone, I hope that you find peace from all the suffering.

 

[Illegal Preclear]

Thanks FC. Even if it was a painful death of hypoxia or my brain frying alive, I'd take it. Literally the only thing keeping my alive is my own cowardice and excuses, and the more I drag this on, the worse it's going to get.

 

[TheBroken]

Yeah, got it too but sadly lived.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

It's weird how all we used to hear about was Covid, and now it's like a forgotten memory.

Anyway, wishing you find the peace you are looking for

 

[DoneWithThisLife]

Sorry to tell you that it probably won't kill you. I've had it and have a chronic lung condition. Didn't even need to visit hospital!!

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I had it. It sucks. Odds of dying are extremely low with no underlying conditions, though.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I had one of the original variants.... Sadly I'm still alive. I hope you get the peace you are looking for.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

I recently got covid for the first time, probably the same or a similar variant to yours. Shit finally caught me after almost 5 years of evading it. I lived, obviously, but it totally kicked my ass for about 2 weeks. I've never had a 101-103f fever last for that long, and i've had some pretty serious sicknesses during my time. It was like the flu on steroids and cocaine.

That being said, your infection is likely not going to kill you (if you're healthy and young, that is). It'll just suck for a while. But I do send you my best wishes, and hope you eventually find what you're looking for if covid doesn't give it to you.

 

[Illegal Preclear]

Thanks for all your kind thoughts. Yeah, I knew the odds of me dying from this were like 0001% but I was hoping and praying that this would in some freak way snap just the right nerve and give me a brain aneurism or something. This is actually my second round with it. I got the OG Covid back in April of 2020 and it was far, far worse than this. Something about having something kill me which I couldn't back out of due to my own cowardice felt very good though.

But I do send you my best wishes, and hope you eventually find what you're looking for if covid doesn't give it to you.

Thank you. I do have something! A rope and an ideal setup for full suspension hanging. Which is....going to suck. It's going to make my last moments fucking terrifying. Or maybe I'm overthinking it and I'll pass out in 15-30 seconds and die and be fine. But I'm the kind of person who thinks of 10,000 things that could go wrong in any situation. I really hope I can somehow gain access to a firearm, which is how I ACTUALLY want to die vs. being stuck with the only thing I have access to.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

Thank you. I do have something! A rope and an ideal setup for full suspension hanging. Which is....going to suck. It's going to make my last moments fucking terrifying. Or maybe I'm overthinking it and I'll pass out in 15-30 seconds and die and be fine. But I'm the kind of person who thinks of 10,000 things that could go wrong in any situation. I really hope I can somehow gain access to a firearm, which is how I ACTUALLY want to die vs. being stuck with the only thing I have access to.

Yeah full suspension was my old method that I switched to after failing to make partial work for like a year and a half. After months of trying to force it, I realized I just couldn't summon the balls needed to pull off full. So I switched to SN. I definitely can relate to your hesitation and worries about full though, as I am the same way (worrying too much, overthinking). Full suspension, while very quick (from your perspective), is pretty brutal. And some people say it's not bad in terms of pain, while others rate it as excruciating, so it's hard to know what to expect. Though, a firearm is right up there among the gold standard methods like inert gas and barbiturates. Definitely faster and easier than full suspension, that's for sure.

I wish you luck with whatever you end up doing.