I give up

[imstillhungry]

I tried my best, gave life a billion chances to get better. Life just kicks me down at every opportunity. Abusive family. Abusive ex. No friends whatsoever. Crippling loneliness. Being a failure going nowhere in life. Not to mention literally EVERYTHING that could possibly go wrong for me, does. I genuinely think I'm cursed. The amount of shit that happens to me isn't even normal.

I refuse to stick around and spend Christmas/New Year alone. I refuse to stick around and let life kick me down even further. I tried my best to be a good, loving and generous person. I'm so fucking angry life treated me like this. If there's a god he has a lot to answer for. How dare he curse me to wander the earth like this. How dare he let me suffer like this.

I wish I had the balls to jump off a bridge and end it right now. Sadly I don't. I'm about to order SN. Can't wait to fall asleep for the last time. This world was against me from day 1. Fuck this.

I always imagined myself blowing my money on a last holiday and the nicest hotel I could afford before ctb. Now even that seems pointless. I think I'll just continue to spend my days in bed, waiting for an end to my suffering.

 

[Jean4]

I understand and know we are here for you.

 

[imstillhungry]

I understand and know we are here for you.

Thank you. It's nice to know I'll have company when the time comes, even if it's just strangers on the internet

 

[Mloureiro]

I wish I could just give you s big bear hug to show you that yes, you are important. And I wish we lived in the same country, while I doubt it, because you would not spend holidays alone and still would have a big bear hug. Life changes everyday, peace and love

 

[V0latile]

My twin

 

[Enigma]

I can relate, you're not alone.

 

[readytoleavenow]

My friend I feel the same, you are not alone, hope you have courage to make the ctb or to get along with your life.

 

[imstillhungry]

I wish I could just give you s big bear hug to show you that yes, you are important. And I wish we lived in the same country, while I doubt it, because you would not spend holidays alone and still would have a big bear hug. Life changes everyday, peace and love

Fui ao teu perfil ver de onde és e fiquei tão surpreendida ao ver que és português(a)! Que coincidência. Há sempre um português em todo lado :) obrigado por este comentário tão simpático

 

[morningdew]

I don't like the holidays either. just intensifies everything and reinforces my life if far outside the realm of healthy happy people.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

The holidays are hard, you're right. And they don't make it any easier to get out of bed. Glad your SN gives you hope, such as it is. Whatever you decide, I hope you're able to be free of pain.

 

[Nyanpasuu]

I can relate, if you ever need to talk you can pm me, we can be alone together :)

 

[Nem]

Sorry to hear, life can be a fucking shit filled shit-fest :(
Peace/hugs

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I can relate. Whatever you do, we'll support you. I wish you peace <3

 

[JimFord99]

You have friends here, imstillhungry. You are not alone.

 

[Mloureiro]

Fui ao teu perfil ver de onde és e fiquei tão surpreendida ao ver que és português(a)! Que coincidência. Há sempre um português em todo lado :) obrigado por este comentário tão simpático

Sou sim senhora. E é verdade, andamos em todo o lado, mas há por aqui mais. Força, tu consegues!

 

[imstillhungry]

Thank you so much for all the support. Shame people in real life aren't as nice as the people on this website. Hope you all find the peace and happiness you deserve

 

[SuicideBlonde76]

I say the same things all the time! I am cursed & literally everything that can go wrong does! You are definitely not alone with these feelings.

 

[Deathwish1968]

I have two children , one was diagnosed with an eating disorder and the other with BDD. I have spent the last 9 years trying to help them back and I am really exhausted and I just want it to be over.
I feel guilt and regret and I really don't do this anymore.