Venting I FUCKING HATE STUDYING

[bloodandshavedhead]

i know this is a suicide website and we're probably all too focus on committing suicide but Jesus Christ this is my driving point to suicide, I hate being a fucking high school girl who's 18, get me out of here, get me MY FUCKING DIPLOMA. I'm so tired of studying on the weekends, I want to be a normal teenage girl playing fucking Roblox and be a naive little dumb wit who doesn't even know about Ohm's law and gets to laugh at every stupid joke made by a guy. Instead I'm here, like a cuck studying over and over until I feel like a log who's brain dead. I have three APS (which isn't a lot but for my high school it is/we're broke) then 4 extracurriculars. My teachers keep on saying I have the strive and work ethic to go to college but I'm not even seeing college. I hate my life, I hate being an overachiever, I wish I did some really dumb shit in my four years of high school, I wish I had drank a beer, snuck out late, rebel against my mother but instead I'm crying my eyes out thinking about the things I could have done and didn't, meanwhile there's a 128 packet of studying on my kitchen table. It's this simmering bitterness feeling of "I wasted my teenage years by studying and being coop inside of my apartment" and "I want to cry, I never wanted to be great, I just wanted to be good enough"

 

[doomedbynarrative]

Holy shit, 3 APs and 4 extracurriculars? And you're saying it isn't a lot?!
I get it but no wonder you're not having a great time??
Fuck this society that makes teens do all this extra shit just to get a chance of getting into a good school (where they'll basically learn that it won't guarantee them a good career/salary if they get a job at all...)!

Also, for what it's worth, which might not be much, I think you're already good enough as you are. Even if you fucked up all your grades and never did school again or whatever, I think you're good enough and worthy. It's society that doesn't and society is dumb af.

 

[whatisaholemadeof]

Hey I was there too. Never drank beers or snuck out late in those 4 yrs. A lot of my friends can probably say the same. But I know it's frustrating regardless. And a lot of the messaging you get is that high school/college are SUPPOSED to be times to experiment or do dumb crap or it's the best time of your life, you're missing out. That's not necessarily true in my experience. Personally my focus right now in school is to do my work to get to a better place in life. But 3 APs and 4 extracurriculars is a LOT.

Holy shit, 3 APs and 4 extracurriculars? And you're saying it isn't a lot?!
I get it but no wonder you're not having a great time??
Fuck this society that makes teens do all this extra shit just to get a chance of getting into a good school (where they'll basically learn that it won't guarantee them a good career/salary if they get a job at all...)!

Also, for what it's worth, which might not be much, I think you're already good enough as you are. Even if you fucked up all your grades and never did school again or whatever, I think you're good enough and worthy. It's society that doesn't and society is dumb af.

Yes, I applied to only one school, not very selective. It wasn't worth the hassle of applying to eight. I go there now and am doing OK for myself. There is no guarantee when it comes to getting a "good" job. It is not fair what this society puts us through as teenagers. We barely started living and we're expected to outrun everyone else. For what?

You are good enough, you are doing a lot more than what most people may do in high school. No matter what you do with this time you are still worthy.

 

[jonoldak]

More often than not, we are taught useless things, where knowledge is considered a necessary skill for life. But people often forget that the value of life is not determined by how well you solve math tasks, but by how you enjoy the little moments that make you feel alive. I gave up studying, it's so exhausting to listen that I became a lazy piece of shit who doesn't listen and doesn't do fucking schoolwork. It's not worth it, listen to yourself, not them...

 

[bloodandshavedhead]

Holy shit, 3 APs and 4 extracurriculars? And you're saying it isn't a lot?!
I get it but no wonder you're not having a great time??
Fuck this society that makes teens do all this extra shit just to get a chance of getting into a good school (where they'll basically learn that it won't guarantee them a good career/salary if they get a job at all...)!

Also, for what it's worth, which might not be much, I think you're already good enough as you are. Even if you fucked up all your grades and never did school again or whatever, I think you're good enough and worthy. It's society that doesn't and society is dumb af.

I know it won't guarantee me a good job but I just wish I didn't do what I'm doing now. I wanted to be an artist instead I'm going to school to be a radiology tech, I might as well loved what I'm forced too, though a part of me is screaming "go be an artist, you'll never get that time back" but I know realistically I'll end up dead at 23 if I do go to art school

 

[doomedbynarrative]

I know it won't guarantee me a good job but I just wish I didn't do what I'm doing now. I wanted to be an artist instead I'm going to school to be a radiology tech, I might as well loved what I'm forced too, though a part of me is screaming "go be an artist, you'll never get that time back" but I know realistically I'll end up dead at 23 if I do go to art school

Realistically, I'd say yes. Art school is likely a bad idea. BUT I will say that you can take classes while in college for art. You'll find in college that lots of people take what are essentially "hobby classes" in between their other ones either to fulfill a degree requirement or because it's fun. Might be something to consider.

 

[Karrikin]

i know this is a suicide website and we're probably all too focus on committing suicide but Jesus Christ this is my driving point to suicide, I hate being a fucking high school girl who's 18, get me out of here, get me MY FUCKING DIPLOMA. I'm so tired of studying on the weekends, I want to be a normal teenage girl playing fucking Roblox and be a naive little dumb wit who doesn't even know about Ohm's law and gets to laugh at every stupid joke made by a guy. Instead I'm here, like a cuck studying over and over until I feel like a log who's brain dead. I have three APS (which isn't a lot but for my high school it is/we're broke) then 4 extracurriculars. My teachers keep on saying I have the strive and work ethic to go to college but I'm not even seeing college. I hate my life, I hate being an overachiever, I wish I did some really dumb shit in my four years of high school, I wish I had drank a beer, snuck out late, rebel against my mother but instead I'm crying my eyes out thinking about the things I could have done and didn't, meanwhile there's a 128 packet of studying on my kitchen table. It's this simmering bitterness feeling of "I wasted my teenage years by studying and being coop inside of my apartment" and "I want to cry, I never wanted to be great, I just wanted to be good enough"

And I could barely handle 2 AP's without any extracurriculars omg, I'm surprised you're managing --even if only a little bit. It's a shame that you're being forced to burn yourself out this much, but at least for me I'm in university at the moment, and I will say that at least here you'll get the chance to be free. It's a lot less time sitting in a chair and living through some quotidian brain melt in class, most people here do both the party life and academic (and if you could do all *that* in high school? yeah, you're probably fine to finally get to experience what you wanted to.) I know telling you to "look forward" to this might not be the right thing or what you wanna hear actually (people probably say it all the time) but just know that it's not over, and that, for the moment try to take a breather if you can. I do hope things get better for you though, sorry high school has been that way for you. If it's any help, you're not alone, I couldn't name you a single fun memory from my 4 years or a single friend I made, but there are of opportunities for it that life will offer you.

 

[bloodandshavedhead]

Realistically, I'd say yes. Art school is likely a bad idea. BUT I will say that you can take classes while in college for art. You'll find in college that lots of people take what are essentially "hobby classes" in between their other ones either to fulfill a degree requirement or because it's fun. Might be something to consider.

I'll try to do that when I start

And I could barely handle 2 AP's without any extracurriculars omg, I'm surprised you're managing --even if only a little bit. It's a shame that you're being forced to burn yourself out this much, but at least for me I'm in university at the moment, and I will say that at least here you'll get the chance to be free. It's a lot less time sitting in a chair and living through some quotidian brain melt in class, most people here do both the party life and academic (and if you could do all *that* in high school? yeah, you're probably fine to finally get to experience what you wanted to.) I know telling you to "look forward" to this might not be the right thing or what you wanna hear actually (people probably say it all the time) but just know that it's not over, and that, for the moment try to take a breather if you can. I do hope things get better for you though, sorry high school has been that way for you. If it's any help, you're not alone, I couldn't name you a single fun memory from my 4 years or a single friend I made, but there are of opportunities for it that life will offer you.

I think this is most likely what I wanted to hear, I applied to community college. I just hope I can make it through the first year.

 

[Karrikin]

I think this is most likely what I wanted to hear, I applied to community college. I just hope I can make it through the first year.

I have no doubt you'll be able to make it in academics having done all that, just remember its ur time to live a little. Good luck and I wish you the best.