I fucking hate small talk

[noname223]

I am surprised I never made a thread about this topic. Personally I dislike some rituals which are part of social interactions. According to my ex-therapist I improved my social skills. Though there remains an antipathy for small talk.

Some months ago I met a guy from the university who I have not met for a long time. He expressed that he is happy we meet again and wanted to talk for quite a long time with me. I felt uncomfortable and said I have sadly not much time. I pressure me a lot concerning my grades and usually I don't have much pleasure when doing small talk. It is true he helped me and I am thankful for that. However he seemingly forgot that I told him I am mentally ill and shared some other details. I mean if you forget something like that I cannot be that important to him.

I have time for my closest friends and invest a lot in our relationship. Moreover seemingly writing in this forum satisfices something in myself that is deeper. A need for a valve, a search for communion. For me small talk feels pretty superficial. I can enjoy debates and exchange of arguments. Or when we all open ourselves in group therapy. But this "Hi how are you!" and this generic lie "I am fine thanks for asking" annoys me. When people ask me how I am doing I am forced to lie in 95% of all cases. It is just not appropriate to say the truth.

Such rituals feel shallow and hypocritical to me. We pretend we would care about strangers but we expect them to lie. This is how we can remain productive and this is how the adult world works. But it makes me uncomfortable.

I think the best advice for me is to stop this over-analyzing and questioning societal norms about communication. Otherwise it is too obvious I am a mental wreck who had issues with sanity. I am glad I am skilled now in hiding it better. However I can enjoy social interactions way better when people know some of my secrets and flaws. Lying is even easier for me in such situations.

I think I am searching for a deeper connection to other people. I try that other people can get a grasp how my consciousness feels like/ how it feels to be in my mind. And often in this forum I can feel the same with other people. It makes me feel less lonely.

Ironically I have to say sometimes social interactions in the real world make me feel more lonely. Especially when they are shallow and generic. It feels fake for me.

 

[Shivali]

The same here ...

 

[Hollowman]

I can't stand small talk it seems so pointless.

 

[whywere]

Hi!

I 100% agree with you. All my life in business especially, I have found it so disgusting to have someone stand and smile at me and at the same time be thinking of a way to screw me over, like for a promotion or similar aspect.

Again I 100% agree with you, that this place is for me a refuge where folks are loving, caring and trying to help each other with nothing in return expected. WONDERFUL!

YOU are such a fantastic person as far as your post is what I think and feel each and every day.

Lots of hugs, love, kindness to you, such a thoughtful person is YOU!

Walter

 

[noname223]

Hi!

I 100% agree with you. All my life in business especially, I have found it so disgusting to have someone stand and smile at me and at the same time be thinking of a way to screw me over, like for a promotion or similar aspect.

Again I 100% agree with you, that this place is for me a refuge where folks are loving, caring and trying to help each other with nothing in return expected. WONDERFUL!

YOU are such a fantastic person as far as your post is what I think and feel each and every day.

Lots of hugs, love, kindness to you, such a thoughtful person is YOU!

Walter

Thank for you very much for these kind words @whywere
I think your kindness made many of us smile in this forum.

Sending hugs back to you!

 

[NumbItAll]

Report: Only 3% Of Conversations Actually Need To Happen

WASHINGTON—Calling into question the usefulness of one of the most common human interactions, a new report released Monday by the Pew Research Center found that only 3 percent of conversations actually need to happen. “Frankly, almost all of the conversations you have with your spouse...

www.theonion.com

 

[Jarni]

Me too... All my life small talk is a problem for me... It makes me waste my energy... I have good social skills, humour, creativity, kindness... But small talk is so boring.....

 

[Message In A Bottle]

I hate it in real life if I'm expected to lie - but if I am asking someone how they are on here, they are free to be 100% honest with me - That's how the ball gets rolling and deep meaningful conversations start.

 

[spinningship]

Lol same sometimes I feel stuck in small talk though. Like I need someone else to change gear and I can respond but I can't initiate.

 

[Someone123]

For me learning to do small talk helped me to connect with others, but you can't get stuck in it too long, then it becomes a trap. How can you find the love of your life, your best friends, etc. without this start? But it needs to be a means to an end- trying to find the people you have lasting connections with- or else it can be a trap of wasted energy and wasted emotions. Small talk does serve an important purpose to connect others if it is used carefully. You can't go up to a stranger and tell them your deepest thoughts in the first sentence- if you do that it is too much to dump on someone you don't know. So small talk can be used to get an initial contact with someone and then see if it can become something else.

 

[Drunk]

Same here

 

[whywere]

I hate it in real life if I'm expected to lie - but if I am asking someone how they are on here, they are free to be 100% honest with me - That's how the ball gets rolling and deep meaningful conversations start.

I 100% agree with you and what you said is my thoughts exactly.

You are a very intelligent and kind soul, so lovely.

Lots of hugs and sunny blue skies to/for you, my good friend.

Walter

 

[Message In A Bottle]

I 100% agree with you and what you said is my thoughts exactly.

You are a very intelligent and kind soul, so lovely.

Lots of hugs and sunny blue skies to/for you, my good friend.

Walter

Wow I didn't expect such kindness…thank you!

I wish the same for you Walter, I see your posts from time to time and it's always refreshing to see your politeness towards everyone.

Wherever part of the world you are, I hope the night/day treats you well

 

[Blue_mist]

I can relate, i can't handle small talks, i just respond to small talks "yeah yeah" with a fake smile and find any excuse to end the conversation right away

 

[Wannagonow]

I suppose there is a place for small talk. I used to love using it to get to know people. Unfortunately with my declining mental health, I just can't do it anymore. Little patience and it can be intimidating.

I can't stand the classic " Hi, how are you" as someone walks by. I'll give the usual "okay" as they're practically out of range now. Bottom line is most people don't really want to know how you are- it's just small talk.

 

[Golden Slumbers]

I have no problem talking to people once i know them a bit, but as strangers, it's always so painful. I never know what to say!

 

[disillusion]

I hate it. Feels so ingenuine. It is to break ice i get it but I am from korea and we dont do small talk. We dont talk nor smile to strangers so when i started living in western world it was very stressful. It still is. We also dont look others eyes( considered rude and challenging in korea ) but in west u gotta look in others eyes. All this cultural difference deepened my social anxiety which i didnt have before.
but i dont judge others who like small talk or Okay with it

I just am not personally. Nothing to say in small talk either… just never grew up doing that

 

[Chemical Animal]

I hate it, too. Besides being mostly pointless, it also reminds me of how socially awkward I am.

My mind always enter into a conflict between:

• giving the "automatic response";
• being honest and telling the person to stop or that I'm not in the mood for conversation;
• trying to "spice up" the words in an attempt to come off as cool and quirky.

The first one makes me feel bad about myself: it is, to a certain extent, a statement of how boring and uninteresting I am; the second one repels people and makes them see me as bitter and cynical; and the last one always backfires against me bc I get nervous (being nervous makes me stutter/lose my vocabulary) and/or too self-conscious (I overthink the way I answered, the voice tone, the words used and it always end up with me almost dying of embarrassment).

I can't smile either. I'm just incapable of smiling, let alone forcing a smile. I'm only capable of laughing, and my sense of humor is permanently broken, there isn't anything in small talk that makes me laugh.

For me, conversations with other people only flow naturally when either me or the other actually have an actual subject to discuss, and where there are no vague or abstract questions/answers.

 

[Kurushii]

I don't mind small talk too much. Unless I dislike a person I don't have much problem talking to someone but the conversation probably won't lead anywhere. I find that it's usually awkward for other people to have a small talk when I talk to people I don't know very well. Whilst the conversations are more or less useless, I think they still somewhat fill up the need for human connection a bit? If that makes any sense. But around some people I feel far lonelier than when I'm by myself so it depends on the person you're talking to.

I don't hate small talk, but I don't like it either. It just is what it is..

 

[manocsak]

Small talk makes me simply angry. I'm good in handling it, but the second I turn over I'm just fuming. Like you give a fuck!

And there are people who somehow built this in their greetings. Just say FUCKING Hi/Hello. Don't "SUP?" me.

Want something say hello and we can have a conversation

 

[novem]

It is to me a sales talk.

Having come from a different part of the world, where people are more genuine, small talk is not a globally spread ritual. They just say hello and mind their own things.

Apparently I am not good at sales/small talk, so I loose it every time.

 

[HadItAll]

I hate small talk ever since my health forced me out of my hobbies and many activities with friends. Before that small talk was no issue for me.

Hating small talk IMO is somewhat collerated to your current quality of life and how interesting it is. If nothing is really happening, there is nothing to small talk about.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Petty, meaninglessness conversation constitutes the bulk of humanities verbal interactions and yeah, it truly is (usually) annoying as all hell. It's why I don't interact socially very often because when I do, I am often honest. And often shockingly so. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I learned not to give a damn. Only one person in the world who will look out for you and that's you. Everyone else will leave or betray you eventually so fuck what they think. Not your problem.