jbear824
F*ck humanity. Let's end this.
- Jul 4, 2023
- 409
I hate every single fucking thing about me and my existence.
TW: self hate, internalized homophobia, body dysmorphia
First of all, I am disgusting. My body is disgusting. It's so fat. Sometimes I want to cut all the fat off with scissors. I'm so depressed and suffer from chronic fatigue so self care (like bathing) goes right out the window. At this point in my life, I'm showering maybe once every two or three weeks. I just can't muster the energy. And the fact that I have no life, no one to impress, no actual reason to take care of myself that it just feeds to life drain.
I HATE being gay. It's fucking stupid. It's nothing to be proud of. It's ridiculous to subject oneself to the oppression of living a queer life. If I could do it, I would act straight, I would dress straight, if do my best to get my body to react to women the way it's supposed to. Your dating pool is infantesimally smaller, so yay. Get ready for a life of fucking loneliness. It's pathetic and pitiful. I could be out there, being respected, being protected, enjoying the safety of some privilege maybe. Idfk. Instead I'm this. A faggot. In every sense of the word's derogatory meaning. And I can't even connect to the queer community because it too has also become insanely stupid. You have the gays and lesbians, treating bisexual people like shit. Then you got the L's, the G's and the B's jumping on the trans hate wagon and how the "T" should be removed from the community. And you know what? Fuck that. Maybe y'all deserve to be oppressed for being assholes to people going through the same fights as you.
Don't even get started on gay/bi/queer men. Some of the most vapid, shallow, vicious, and dehumanizing people I've ever met in my life. Seriously, if you want to feel like absolute shit, talk to a gay man. I hate being part of this demographic. I'm honestly tempted to just piss off a group of aggressive cishets and let them kill me. Two birds. I'm dead and there's one less gay in the world, which most of the world will celebrate anyway.
I'm poor. Poor due to mental illness preventing working. So I mean, I'm living trash. A leech on society. I deserve to be killed for being that alone. Not to mention ha ha, I'm going to be homeless in 4 months. Probably forever because I can't work. I literally have no way out of it, once I'm in it. It's going to become my new permanent normal.
And to top it off... I have the fucking selfish audacity to try and form a new relationship. Not only that, I have BPD, and it has been having a field day with this new development. I am in mental and emotional hell right now just trying to casually talk to this guy. Not to mention how pathetic and lame I feel. And old. He probably just wants me for sex. I mean, I have nothing else to offer anyone.
That's all I'm ever wanted for. It's all I'm good for. Because I'm a worthless slut. a mouth to fuck. If I'm even that lucky. Queer guys want their men to be buff ken dolls that all look the same, like some stepford wife shit. Or they want femboys or twinks which, I'm just gonna say, is fucking creepy as hell. And I'm none of those things. So good luck being wanted unless you just want to be fetishized or objectified.
And of course the only men I attract are chasers and feeders. Chasers only want you if you're heavy (great so if I try to be healthier, you dump me), and feeders just want to make me fatter. Which as a diabetic, will just kill me (hey there's an idea!).
I just hate it all. I want to die. I deserve to die. I should be killed. I'm useless, disgusting, abnormal. honestly, part of me secretly hopes every time I go grocery shopping, that there will be a mass shooting (yay murica!), and that I'll be shot and killed. I deserve that. It really is insulting that I have been allowed to live this long. I am a waste of life. A waste of resources. Killing me is honestly more cost effective.
Fuck me.
TW: self hate, internalized homophobia, body dysmorphia
First of all, I am disgusting. My body is disgusting. It's so fat. Sometimes I want to cut all the fat off with scissors. I'm so depressed and suffer from chronic fatigue so self care (like bathing) goes right out the window. At this point in my life, I'm showering maybe once every two or three weeks. I just can't muster the energy. And the fact that I have no life, no one to impress, no actual reason to take care of myself that it just feeds to life drain.
I HATE being gay. It's fucking stupid. It's nothing to be proud of. It's ridiculous to subject oneself to the oppression of living a queer life. If I could do it, I would act straight, I would dress straight, if do my best to get my body to react to women the way it's supposed to. Your dating pool is infantesimally smaller, so yay. Get ready for a life of fucking loneliness. It's pathetic and pitiful. I could be out there, being respected, being protected, enjoying the safety of some privilege maybe. Idfk. Instead I'm this. A faggot. In every sense of the word's derogatory meaning. And I can't even connect to the queer community because it too has also become insanely stupid. You have the gays and lesbians, treating bisexual people like shit. Then you got the L's, the G's and the B's jumping on the trans hate wagon and how the "T" should be removed from the community. And you know what? Fuck that. Maybe y'all deserve to be oppressed for being assholes to people going through the same fights as you.
Don't even get started on gay/bi/queer men. Some of the most vapid, shallow, vicious, and dehumanizing people I've ever met in my life. Seriously, if you want to feel like absolute shit, talk to a gay man. I hate being part of this demographic. I'm honestly tempted to just piss off a group of aggressive cishets and let them kill me. Two birds. I'm dead and there's one less gay in the world, which most of the world will celebrate anyway.
I'm poor. Poor due to mental illness preventing working. So I mean, I'm living trash. A leech on society. I deserve to be killed for being that alone. Not to mention ha ha, I'm going to be homeless in 4 months. Probably forever because I can't work. I literally have no way out of it, once I'm in it. It's going to become my new permanent normal.
And to top it off... I have the fucking selfish audacity to try and form a new relationship. Not only that, I have BPD, and it has been having a field day with this new development. I am in mental and emotional hell right now just trying to casually talk to this guy. Not to mention how pathetic and lame I feel. And old. He probably just wants me for sex. I mean, I have nothing else to offer anyone.
That's all I'm ever wanted for. It's all I'm good for. Because I'm a worthless slut. a mouth to fuck. If I'm even that lucky. Queer guys want their men to be buff ken dolls that all look the same, like some stepford wife shit. Or they want femboys or twinks which, I'm just gonna say, is fucking creepy as hell. And I'm none of those things. So good luck being wanted unless you just want to be fetishized or objectified.
And of course the only men I attract are chasers and feeders. Chasers only want you if you're heavy (great so if I try to be healthier, you dump me), and feeders just want to make me fatter. Which as a diabetic, will just kill me (hey there's an idea!).
I just hate it all. I want to die. I deserve to die. I should be killed. I'm useless, disgusting, abnormal. honestly, part of me secretly hopes every time I go grocery shopping, that there will be a mass shooting (yay murica!), and that I'll be shot and killed. I deserve that. It really is insulting that I have been allowed to live this long. I am a waste of life. A waste of resources. Killing me is honestly more cost effective.
Fuck me.
