deathislove
Member
- Sep 2, 2019
- 19
Hello! This is where I will be documenting for approximately a year until the perfect moment arrives! There are of course a huge series of things I need to do before leaving. A lot of business i need to get done, money to save up, letters to write, things to give away, and skills to gain. This isn't life. This isn't what I want. I don't know what awaits beyond the grave. I know how I feel right now. I know my beliefs. I know what I want. I dont think im actually mentally unstable, my oddness and suicidal behavior is the closest thing i've dared to do that resembles what my heart truly desires. Which is not to die; its to live. I'm impatient and impulsive. But guess what, im human. If i what I do ends up bringing despair into other's lives, its honestly not my fault anymore, that's not what i live for, and i don't care what everyone lives for anymore because either way we die right? I don't want to stress for a better life, I want to work hard and do everything people have told me you're not supposed to do or not supposed to pull off. I want to do life the way I perceive life to be, and I believe everyone wants the same thing right? Everybody wants to live but everybody wants to do so differently, and I refuse to let even my own family to get in the way of what I yearn to do. I refuse to let the fear that consumes everyone else, consume me too. That is not living. That is not what i am. Maybe that's not what I was meant to be either! Haha thats the kinda shit that happens in fantasies. I will come back. Some day. When i have done what i know i must do. I will work my ass off, and I will pull it off. I will live.
