Jinnberg
Member
- Apr 23, 2021
- 24
Two months ago I found out one of my friends was a pedophile and I'm struggling with the idea of me being friends with someone so vile and not even knowing.
The mere existence of such awful people makes me want to hurl myself off the nearest building, the urge just gets stronger every week.
There aren't any buildings high enough with roof access where I live unfortunately, I feel trapped.
He was a normal guy, he was kind, he was just, your average Joe. Or maybe he wasn't, maybe im just easily manipulated! I don't even know anymore!
But what I do know is, he's a sick and manipulative bastard.
I had cut contact with my friend group a month prior to that because things just didn't feel right. The unspoken tension between the 3 of them was just too much for me. I was also just too depressed to interact with anyone.
I cut them all out, but I still cared about them, even though I didn't want to.
They never outright said what was going on, but I still felt it.
A few months earlier we were playing video games together after work and just in general, having an okay time as pals.
And after I left the group, everyone was at each other's throats. I never saw myself as being the glue that kept everything together, but I guess I was.
It started out as petty drama from what I was told, then it spiraled into something awful.
I'll spare you the details, but, they found real and drawn C////P on his computer (mostly real children) gigabytes of it
He's not in jail or anything because he ran off somewhere before the cops arrived.
I'm so fucking angry at myself and at that thing that doesn't even quality for being human.
I don't know what to do, I don't want to care about these people, but we knew each other for so long. I'm disgusted with his actions, but there's a part of me that still cares. I hate him so much.
It's been two months, but I just can't get over it. Sometimes I blame myself and I don't even know why.
Maybe I could have prevented him from getting this bad, maybe I could have tied him down while my friend was calling the cops so he wouldn't have gotten away, the list goes on really.
Sorry if I don't respond to anything, I'm just so tired.
The mere existence of such awful people makes me want to hurl myself off the nearest building, the urge just gets stronger every week.
There aren't any buildings high enough with roof access where I live unfortunately, I feel trapped.
He was a normal guy, he was kind, he was just, your average Joe. Or maybe he wasn't, maybe im just easily manipulated! I don't even know anymore!
But what I do know is, he's a sick and manipulative bastard.
I had cut contact with my friend group a month prior to that because things just didn't feel right. The unspoken tension between the 3 of them was just too much for me. I was also just too depressed to interact with anyone.
I cut them all out, but I still cared about them, even though I didn't want to.
They never outright said what was going on, but I still felt it.
A few months earlier we were playing video games together after work and just in general, having an okay time as pals.
And after I left the group, everyone was at each other's throats. I never saw myself as being the glue that kept everything together, but I guess I was.
It started out as petty drama from what I was told, then it spiraled into something awful.
I'll spare you the details, but, they found real and drawn C////P on his computer (mostly real children) gigabytes of it
He's not in jail or anything because he ran off somewhere before the cops arrived.
I'm so fucking angry at myself and at that thing that doesn't even quality for being human.
I don't know what to do, I don't want to care about these people, but we knew each other for so long. I'm disgusted with his actions, but there's a part of me that still cares. I hate him so much.
It's been two months, but I just can't get over it. Sometimes I blame myself and I don't even know why.
Maybe I could have prevented him from getting this bad, maybe I could have tied him down while my friend was calling the cops so he wouldn't have gotten away, the list goes on really.
Sorry if I don't respond to anything, I'm just so tired.