Venting I find myself wishing that someone would hurt me.

[degeneratewaste]

Almost daily I wish that someone would come and really hurt me, completely out of my control. For example, come and start a fight with me, leave me bloody and bruised and in physical pain. Or try and stab me, or something. I know I deserve to be in pain but sometimes the self harm just doesn't cut it. I want someone to scar me and beat me until I have a black eye or broken nose. I know it's weird. Anyone else have thoughts like this or just me?

 

[rt1989526]

Sounds like some kind of fetish or something.

I just want to be deceased, I don't want to experience any pain.

 

[degeneratewaste]

I have similar thoughts sometimes. I think about getting slapped, punched, strangled, etc., and how much I deserve to be hurt, although I mostly wish someone would kill me rather than just beat me.

Oh, definitely. Same here.

Typically when I've felt like this, it was out of extreme self-loathing and a desire for my own destruction, the latter of which was my way of flirting with death. My main fantasy of this nature involved either me or someone else amputating my fingers.

Yeah of course, I draw a lot of parallels in that.

 

[ravergirl]

I've even gone "rape baiting". Getting drunk in bars dressed like a slut who is "asking for it".

 

[meles_inoris]

I've even gone "rape baiting". Getting drunk in bars dressed like a slut who is "asking for it".

i would love to become transgender and rapebait, but I would be so ugly that even the most depraved of rapists would merely glance at me and shudder

 

[degeneratewaste]

I've even gone "rape baiting". Getting drunk in bars dressed like a slut who is "asking for it".

can't say I can relate to that one. plain beating/murder is good enough for me, I've been raped twice and sexually assaulted more than I can even remember, and it psychologically fucked me up. it's most of the reason I'm so suicidal in the first place, wish it never happened to me.

 

[MartyByrde]

I'd rather they kill me. I was watching a documentary about the cannibal who met a guy on some message board. He ended up being eaten and eventually killed by the cannibal. That has made me more picky about my willingness to let someone off me.

 

[degeneratewaste]

I'd rather they kill me. I was watching a documentary about the cannibal who met a guy on some message board. He ended up being eaten and eventually killed by the cannibal. That has made me more picky about my willingness to let someone off me.

Yeah. Definitely rather be dead. But if I still exist then may as well feel something.
Also, cool username.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

I kinda get why u would desire that. In a way I'm kinda in the same spot. Not because of a fetish or anything; just because I just don't like me and I'm convinced someone like me deserves to be beaten for being such a disgusting human being.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I feel similarly. Self harm hurts more because I wait longer before I do it again, but.... I just don't feel like it's enough punishment. :( I feel like I deserve to get beat up, retraumatized, whatever.

Yet I'm terrified of being homeless. Lol...

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

yeah, i understand. for me, i guess i'm just so used to being hit, yelled at, manipulated, guilt-tripped that not being abused makes me feel weird.

 

[RedDEE]

I want to get raped by a beautiful woman. I want to her chain me up in her sex dungeon.

 

[MartyByrde]

Hey MartyByrde why are you so determined to post things as facts when they are so clearly things that you know nothing about?!

Rape baiting is not "made up" by anyone.
Is it possible that you think this because you might have a "twisted worldview" of your own?

Please be more careful, considerate & kind when you post things

Rape baiting isn't real. I'm sorry you disagree, but you can't bait someone into an illegal act by simply dressing and acting a certain way.

If someone makes a decision to rape, they rape because they are a rapist, not because they were somehow baited.

What's up with the mansplaining, yo? It's a thing in her personal world. When you can be a woman for a whole week and understand the constant vulnerability, then I'll be a little more generous and a little less defensive.

Seriously, being alone, drunk and scantily dressed equals being a target for a predator.

Mansplaining would be thinking any man who makes the choice to rape someone does it because they were somehow baited. That's not how rape works. I don't rape because I'm not a rapist. I don't allow the appearance and behavior of others determine whether or not I'm a rapist.

 

[WastedSpace]

Holy hell I didn't know other people had this desire too. I think the reason I fantasize about getting beat up comes from the overwhelming disgust and hatred I have for myself. I regularly punch myself in the face and hit my head with objects. I've given myself a black eye before and I think maybe a mild concussion once but I don't know for sure since I didn't get diagnosed or anything. I know it's a really really fucked up and bizarre thing to do so I try not to do it too often. I recently told my therapist about the black eye incident and she had no reaction. Maybe she thought I was just trying to get attention (I was, I crave attention, but I didn't make up the story). I've never told anyone else about this other than her. It's so amazing to have a place I can share the super fucked up stuff and not be in fear of getting mocked, locked up, etc.

 

[MartyByrde]

@MartyByrde, ever watch To Catch a Predator? That was baiting those who would go for the bait. It didn't turn decent men into pedophiles. Police setting up honey traps? Only works on men whose intention was to solicit prostitutes, not men who don't.

Going into a bar is going into the environment where predators hang out and who watch for women who are unprotected and incapacitated. Therefore, those predators can be baited.

Exactly--they're already pedos. If you're not of that predatory mentality, you can't be baited into being a pedo either.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Exactly--they're already pedos. If you're not of that predatory mentality, you can't be baited into being a pedo either.

Okay. You weren't in error at all. Baiting a rapist is impossible. She didn't know what she was talking about.

 

[MartyByrde]

Okay. You weren't wrong at all. Baiting a rapist is impossible. She didn't know what she was talking about.

That's not what I said. I said you can't create rapists simply by the way one dresses or acts. It is the rapist who decides to rape, not the victim, regardless of how the victim behaves or dresses. What is so hard to accept about that?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

That's not what I said. I said you can't create rapists simply by the way one dresses or acts. It is the rapist who decides to rape, not the victim, regardless of how the victim behaves or dresses. What is so hard to accept about that?

It's not at all hard to accept. This debate began when you didn't accept that the member could rape bait, when you told her it's not a thing.

 

[MartyByrde]

It's not at all hard to accept. This debate began when you didn't accept that the member could rape bait, when you told her it's not a thing.

Yes, and I continue to stand by my statement that rapists do the raping, not their victims. Therefore, one cannot bait someone into rape.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Yes, and I continue to stand by my statement that rapists do the raping, not their victims. Therefore, one cannot bait someone into rape.

Okey dokey.

 

[degeneratewaste]

Holy hell I didn't know other people had this desire too. I think the reason I fantasize about getting beat up comes from the overwhelming disgust and hatred I have for myself. I regularly punch myself in the face and hit my head with objects. I've given myself a black eye before and I think maybe a mild concussion once but I don't know for sure since I didn't get diagnosed or anything. I know it's a really really fucked up and bizarre thing to do so I try not to do it too often. I recently told my therapist about the black eye incident and she had no reaction. Maybe she thought I was just trying to get attention (I was, I crave attention, but I didn't make up the story). I've never told anyone else about this other than her. It's so amazing to have a place I can share the super fucked up stuff and not be in fear of getting mocked, locked up, etc.

Yes you understand exactly the same, I just hate myself so much that I feel I don't deserve to live without physical pain. I've also hit myself a lot before and banged my head against things to simulate this but I can never actually bring myself to hit myself hard enough to give the bruising that I desire. Not sure why because I can cut deep etc etc, maybe I'm just physically weak or something. Also used to scratch myself til I bled if I had no access to blades. I'm kind of sorry you understand this level of thinking but glad you have some solace in knowing it's not just you I guess?

 

[WastedSpace]

Yes you understand exactly the same, I just hate myself so much that I feel I don't deserve to live without physical pain. I've also hit myself a lot before and banged my head against things to simulate this but I can never actually bring myself to hit myself hard enough to give the bruising that I desire. Not sure why because I can cut deep etc etc, maybe I'm just physically weak or something. Also used to scratch myself til I bled if I had no access to blades. I'm kind of sorry you understand this level of thinking but glad you have some solace in knowing it's not just you I guess?

You're not alone friend. Maybe one day both of us will get better and won't feel the need to do it anymore.

 

[Gavr1212]

I don't self harm, and I don't wish just anyone would hurt me, but I do sometimes wish someone close to me would push me over the edge, so to speak. Maybe with a particularly nasty betrayal or abandonment.

"Deserving" doesn't really enter it into me, as my world view doesn't factor things like that in, but I still have the impulse. I want to be driven to action so that I might not exist. That might be the most accurate way of putting it.