I find myself here again

[Marriedwithsuicide]

So I find myself here again. I'm so fucking done.

My dad died almost 5 months ago now. I just want to see him again

I know it sounds pretty but my mum blew off plans with me to hang out with someone else and didn't even tell me

My husband hates me and clearly deserves someone better

What in the actual fuck how many times can I hit this wall and not just burst through it and be done with everything

 

[JimFord99]

Hey, freaking that your husband hates you, why? What makes you think he deserves anyone better? you are a good person, don't put the blame on yourself, please.

 

[Marriedwithsuicide]

Hey, freaking that your husband hates you, why? What makes you think he deserves anyone better? you are a good person, don't put the blame on yourself, please.

I just know he does. He will never outright admit it. We've been together 13 years and have been loyal and faithful but I know I'm a fucking nightmare and a mess. It's kicked off tonight which just bears the point down of what I know

 

[JimFord99]

What makes you think you are a nightmare and a mess? Strong possibility, it is NOT your fault but your other halves? Don't put blame on you for no reason.

 

[Marriedwithsuicide]

What makes you think you are a nightmare and a mess? Strong possibility, it is NOT your fault but your other halves? Don't put blame on you for no reason.

Thanks but I definitely know it's me. I have emotionally unstable personality disorder (the new and improved borderline personality disorder). I kick off over nothing. Literally nothing. A random video popped up on a website the other day and it featured people with the same as me. They both said they couldn't hold down relationships. I know that's not everyone but why do I put people through the same shit all the time?

 

[JimFord99]

Thanks but I definitely know it's me. I have emotionally unstable personality disorder (the new and improved borderline personality disorder). I kick off over nothing. Literally nothing. A random video popped up on a website the other day and it featured people with the same as me. They both said they couldn't hold down relationships. I know that's not everyone but why do I put people through the same shit all the time?

I am emotionally unstable as well (so I think) it consider the other side which/who may take advantage of you.

 

[Marriedwithsuicide]

I am emotionally unstable as well (so I think) it consider the other side which/who may take advantage of you.

Could you explain more?

 

[JimFord99]

Could you explain more?

Well, for a start, what makes you think or feel you are solely responsibly for it? Is there not someone else to blame?

 

[Marriedwithsuicide]

Well, for a start, what makes you think or feel you are solely responsibly for it? Is there not someone else to blame?

Definitely not. My issues stem from younger years when I could have done something and I didn't. I honestly feel like I shouldn't have been alive this long and I am struggling other than a husband and family who deserve better to stick around. I love them all even when I'm pissed off and ready to swing for them.
I miss my dad. My mum is struggling when I'm an absolute dick to her it just proves the bad person I am

 

[JimFord99]

You are only as bad as you are you think you are.

 

[Marriedwithsuicide]

You are only as bad as you are you think you are.

Thank you but being told to get myself a grip and knowing I've made my own mother cry when the love of her life passed away kind of points to that conclusion

 

[JimFord99]

Thank you but being told to get myself a grip and knowing I've made my own mother cry when the love of her life passed away kind of points to that conclusion

And who told you thar?

 

[Marriedwithsuicide]

A lot of people

 

[JimFord99]

A lot of people

And what impact have they n your live? Don't listen to them. They are scum. What do they know about you?

 

[Marriedwithsuicide]

And what impact have they n your live? Don't listen to them. They are scum. What do they know about you?

To be honest Jim I've had it my whole life. From my biological father, so called friends, other family and a whole other rabbit whole I never want to go down

 

[JimFord99]

Yeah, the so called friends. I understand

 

[Marriedwithsuicide]

Yeah, the so called friends. I understand

The good ones I have don't need to hear my shit either