Story I finally slept!!

[Livingvsdying25]

I believe I have undiagnosed narcolepsy. Part of that is Hypnogogic hallucinations which are basically hallucinations as im falling asleep. Usually for me that includes sounds and stuff. They are super distressing and when things are really bad I experience full on sleep paralysis. Luckily cannabis helps keep these at bay usually but obviously I've been super stressed.

Last night was tbh similar dreams and stuff like very stressful things (for example my sleep paralysis last yr was of people hiding in my apartment. It caused me to not sleep for like a week or so) I didnt remember any dreams like that the last 2 nights but the same kinda fear.

But I was able to sleep last night and get through the worst of it... its like almost 6am. I ate more cannabis gummies & a CBD drink so I'm hoping to sleep more/wouldnt mind sleeping all day. I'm kinda hungry but I gotta be honest I don't wanna eat yet. Sometimes its easier to sleep when starving too but sometimes food can make me sleepy it really depends...

But yee... Mentally I feel a lil better. Still planning my death but feel mentally better to do so.

Ugh sleep issues fucking suck. I actually fully fucking hate my body.

 

[sulli]

i get hypnogogic hallucinations but usually when i wake up in the middle of the night
envying you rn i can't get to sleep for the life of me since i quit seroquel

 

[Livingvsdying25]

i get hypnogogic hallucinations but usually when i wake up in the middle of the night
envying you rn i can't get to sleep for the life of me since i quit seroquel

Im so sorry to hear u experience the Hypnogogic hallucinations too they are so disturbing also srry to hear u can't sleep after quitting seroquel... some medications are really hard on the body once one doesnt take em. I hope you are able to find something else to help you sleep

I believe I have undiagnosed narcolepsy. Part of that is Hypnogogic hallucinations which are basically hallucinations as im falling asleep. Usually for me that includes sounds and stuff. They are super distressing and when things are really bad I experience full on sleep paralysis. Luckily cannabis helps keep these at bay usually but obviously I've been super stressed.

Last night was tbh similar dreams and stuff like very stressful things (for example my sleep paralysis last yr was of people hiding in my apartment. It caused me to not sleep for like a week or so) I didnt remember any dreams like that the last 2 nights but the same kinda fear.

But I was able to sleep last night and get through the worst of it... its like almost 6am. I ate more cannabis gummies & a CBD drink so I'm hoping to sleep more/wouldnt mind sleeping all day. I'm kinda hungry but I gotta be honest I don't wanna eat yet. Sometimes its easier to sleep when starving too but sometimes food can make me sleepy it really depends...

But yee... Mentally I feel a lil better. Still planning my death but feel mentally better to do so.

Ugh sleep issues fucking suck. I actually fully fucking hate my body.

I am suppperrr sleepy/yawning every second but my brain was/is so active.. Had to switch what I was watching and that's helping a bit and couldn't help but eat. I originally wanted some hershey's pretzels but I decided to eat an actual meal so thats currently cooling in the fridge. Will eat pretzels as dessert.

I actually feel kinda good that I was able to buy some nice food for myself/to be able to enjoy it. I'm not enjoying much rn in life so I'll take the simple things. I don't think being under huge amounts of stress will help me die.

If im being honest/really looking at things.. I've been hopeless for quite awhile.... a month or 2? The kinda hopeless where one keeps trying but it all feels in vain. I think this is all a long time coming. These last few months have been awful. Im not skipping over that anymore. Im not pretendimg like the pain of everything in my life is ok. It's not.

Anyway... today im chillin. Still keeping isolated from the people in my life. Attempt to do the dishes now that I have some actual strength. Have some confidence in my death planning and know that I will get to it. But my mind has to be clear/ok enough. Just gonna try to enjoy the day if even possible/at the basic levels of things.


Anyway that's my lil update... I'm off to eat and play games then try to sleep more.

Hope everyone on here can find a bit if comfort, joy,relaxation ir whatever ya need i n the day

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Updating here bc its relevant ig and easier to keep daily thoughts in q thread.

Been awake since like 11am its like 2pm now... I'm starting to get sleepy and hungry but I think I'll eat later. Hoping to get a bit more money later today but if not hoping to get paid for that event I did like a month or so ago.

Really trying very hard to resist turning my phone back on/turning off airplane mode and enabling messages & email aagin... Need to be alone rn and need to force myself and tbh I'm losing my reasons as to why but I won't break on.this at least today. It may seem cruel but I just can't in good faith interact with those in my life when I'm thinking of killing myself so. I needa stay away.

Im sooo glad im becoming sleepy bc honestly I don't want to be awake today. Will do dishes when I wake up bc it is bothering me and such and will feel nice once they are done.
(Then I can go back to not using dishes at all)

Im craving chocolate though. Specifically white chocolate Reese cups... maybe I'll go walk but honestly I don't feel like leaving the house these days at all. Soo yee hoping/probs gonna sleep soon. Will take my.3pm meds early / right now... will eat a frozen meal when I wake up.

 

[H.O.Xan]

I envy ppl who get SP on the regular. I had it a few times. U can use it to lucid dream or astral project. I've been studying this phenomenon for a while, that's why I'm so psyched abt it