I finally quit my job which brings me one step closer to suicide

[Mljonzy]

I have not been on this site for a long time but I'm back now and will visit every day. I am 31 years old and been suicidal since I was about 22 but depressed since I was 14. When I got to about 27 years old I started seriously thinking about suicide because I realised I simply want death for myself and in all honesty I'm not bothered if it upsets my family even though they care about me. I just think that I have a right to die because this is my life and I get to say whether suicide is right for me. I live with my parents never moved out but worked since I was about 20. My parents are pissed off I quit my job and are already asking me what I will do next but I'm just done with any type of work. I have enough in savings to last me about 15 years if I live a minimal life which I do anyway. I know my parents will not kick me out because they are not like that they know I am depressed and also know about my one suicide attempt. The suicide attempt happened when I was 28 I tried partial suspension in my car with shoelaces and almost succeeded I was literally half conscious but stopped just before it was too late. I stopped because I wasn't totally sure I wanted death at the time but now I definitely want death. I actually made a post here about my attempt so now I am going to kill myself within the next 15 years I am in no rush at the moment. Feel a huge relief I quit work and hanging will be my way out. Just thought I would share this I feel so relieved I made the choice to opt out of a normal life and forget about any responsibilities. Forgot to mention I have an older sister as well as parents to think about but I am totally cool with ending it all doesn't mean I don't care about them though.

 

[PJFord]

Welcome to the club! I left my job (and career) a while back leading up to CTB. I don't have as much reserve as you, more about a year or so, largely because I live in the super expensive San Francisco Bay Area. But today all I have for expenses are rent, food, and medical insurance.

It felt awesome leaving my job. Given the industry and COVID it was a high stress environment working around the clock and nearly every day. I was never off the clock.

Sounds like you are set for many years, or given that you are not planning to CTB for 15 years, you might find a job more to your liking and that is aligned with your interests, just to pass the time. Maybe part-time. The bummer today is I have the time and money to travel but can't due to COVID. Hopefully the virus won't be around for 15 years! I always wanted to take a month to drive across America and visit all the little quirky spots along the way. That won't happen for me now.

 

[Mr2005]

I've lived as if the virus has been around the last fifteen years. Recovery just seems impossible now. At least you guys gave it a go. Sounds like life just didn't work out for you or you've seen all it has to offer. No regrets. I never even tried

 

[Mljonzy]

Hi there I am for certain never working again I feel like my life was taken away the day I was born due to the ridiculous system society created and I will never get to live the way I was meant to. I would rather live in the wild and fend for myself than live in this awful system. I hope you get to do your traveling sending you love over the net.

I've lived as if the virus has been around the last fifteen years. Recovery just seems impossible now. At least you guys gave it a go. Sounds like life just didn't work out for you or you've seen all it has to offer. No regrets. I never even tried

In all honesty I don't think life could have worked out any worse and I give it one he'll of a go. I blame the dumb system that unfortunately nobody will fight and it will get worse. Money shouldn't even exist I am disgusted and ashamed to be part of a race that's created this he'll. Sending you love over the net.