I feel trapped

[bessops1976]

I don't know what to do. I can't survive in this world but I'm afraid of the consequences if I tried taking my life again. I thought I'd try harder, I got a new job two weeks which is a real struggle, I was out of work for a year (aside from a few weeks in work in December which dramatically failed). I don't know what is expected of me at work and I'm struggling to fit in. I have had two attempts on my life this year, both pretty serious but both failed and I feel so trapped. I imagine im not the only one on here who feels trapped. I don't feel I belong anywhere really and wish I had the courage to try the carbon monoxide method again. I can't do it because failure will affect my employment, they can't know I'm a mental health liability. I just can't see how im going to survive mon to fri full time work in a job im not grasping with people I can't connect with. Just venting and feeling like I'm stuck in an unmanageable position. It's a glorious sunny day here in the UK, lighting up charcoal would not seem unusual to my neighbours, so I do have an urge to try the charcoal method again, but I know there would be consequences if I failed

 

[azuregem]

How would you try to do it? Thinking of lighting charcoal too... :)

-also, my advice for if you wish to keep going: It will get better at work the longer you work there, believe me.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Are there things you could try before and/or after work that might take your mind off the pressure and anxiety you're feeling? It could be anything really, just to take your mind off things... I'm not saying it would solve your problems, but it could just take the edge off things while you decide your next move. I've felt that feeling of being trapped many times too. It's not a good place to be mentally. It's really just distraction, but you could feel less anxious about things.

 

[bessops1976]

I tried before by sealing my small downstairs bathroom, burned lump charcoal and waited for it to stop smoking. I then transferred it to the bathroom, took a couple of benzos for calming effect then just laid down in the sealed room waiting for the end - it failed. I woke several hours later with a thumping headache and horrible sore throat. That landed me in a psyche hospital for 3 weeks and there's no room for that at this stage in my life currently. It's make or break time and I'm using all my energy to try to make it work. There's guides on here that are worth reading about the co method

 

[azuregem]

I tried before by sealing my small downstairs bathroom, burned lump charcoal and waited for it to stop smoking. I then transferred it to the bathroom, took a couple of benzos for calming effect then just laid down in the sealed room waiting for the end - it failed. I woke several hours later with a thumping headache and horrible sore throat. That landed me in a psyche hospital for 3 weeks and there's no room for that at this stage in my life currently. It's make or break time and I'm using all my energy to try to make it work. There's guides on here that are worth reading about the co method

That's horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you :(. I really don't want to fail either

 

[nomennescio]

I tried before by sealing my small downstairs bathroom, burned lump charcoal and waited for it to stop smoking. I then transferred it to the bathroom, took a couple of benzos for calming effect then just laid down in the sealed room waiting for the end - it failed. I woke several hours later with a thumping headache and horrible sore throat. That landed me in a psyche hospital for 3 weeks and there's no room for that at this stage in my life currently. It's make or break time and I'm using all my energy to try to make it work. There's guides on here that are worth reading about the co method

Im terribly sorry you're in this situation and that you failed even though you seemed to follow the right steps. I can relate a lot to the feeling of being trapped, and i havent even had a failed attempt (Serious, that anybody knows of). Its the worst scenario. Understandable that you feel extra scared about it now..

I have great respect for you that you managed to get a job and work full time. What kind of job do you have?
Im figuring youve had some professional help since the failed attempt. I dont know how the situation in the UK is, but personally ive had some experiences where it actually helped a great lot that my employer knew of (some) of my struggles.

Feeling trapped within yourself is a terrible feeling.. i hope you can get some relaxation today.

 

[omarofficial10]

Im sorry you feel this way :( I feel super similar I just can't do it anymore. I have less than a month left and it should be a full proof plan
Im sorry you feel this way :( I feel super similar I just can't do it anymore. I have less than a month left and it should be a full proof plan

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so horrible going through the failed attempt, honestly it disgusts me how we cannot just leave this world in peace in a guaranteed way, making suicide purposely so difficult just leads to unnecessary suffering.

But anyway I wish you the best, I understand that it's so dreadful feeling trapped in this existence, I also feel trapped because of how difficult suicide is, it would be such a relief if it's straightforward to leave.

 

[アホペンギン]

Try to separate yourself mentally from all of the hardships you face at work and forget about it all, maybe it'll help you feel better. If you have any hobbies it'd be nice to try that as well but I understand if it's untoward to be suggesting something like that.

I'm also sorry you failed many attempts. I, myself, have failed an attempt very recently so I understand the struggle. Its very disappointing and fuels the suicidal ideation even more. Hopefully you find relief from these things however you can, I wish you the best of luck!

 

[アホペンギン]

Im sorry you feel this way :( I feel super similar I just can't do it anymore. I have less than a month left and it should be a full proof plan
Im sorry you feel this way :( I feel super similar I just can't do it anymore. I have less than a month left and it should be a full proof plan

Which plan if you don't mind me asking?

 

[omarofficial10]

Which plan if you don't mind me asking?

im taking benzos and SN and locking myself in a hotel room, putting furniture in front of the door. im removing the sim from phone so i can't call anyone. i was going to also possibly use CO in a big bag while I go.

 

[アホペンギン]

im taking benzos and SN and locking myself in a hotel room, putting furniture in front of the door. im removing the sim from phone so i can't call anyone. i was going to also possibly use CO in a big bag while I go.

You don't have to do the furniture thing. On amazon there is a lock that prevents anyone from outside to open the hotel door, even with keys.

Seems like a pretty solid method, though. Will you be taking an AE as well?

 

[omarofficial10]

You don't have to do the furniture thing. On amazon there is a lock that prevents anyone from outside to open the hotel door, even with keys.

Seems like a pretty solid method, though. Will you be taking an AE as well?

oh yes I forgot about those! thank you so much. I have METO and plan on starting a regimen before I take it. I hope all goes well with my SN order it's been hard to get in the US.

 

[NeedPeace83]

Sorry to hear that, that is why i am here. I don't want to fail when it is my time.