I feel like there's no way out for me. I have autism and social anxiety, I can't make friends or talk to people at all. I have no particular desire to pursue any career, no interests or passions, I have no degrees or educational path, and I don't have the motivation or care to improve my life or do anything about it. I get angry easily and I'll get pissed at the drop of a hat, which ruins my mood and makes me lash out in anger. I
'm just lazy and it's much easier to bitch and complain and I don't have the energy or attention span to focus on anything or improve in any field to get good at it. I just literally can't get myself to do anything. I can't even get around to spending whatever money I have left to try and get SN or some other gear to CTB, or even to just hang myself.
I've been waiting since I think June or July for a psychological evaluation but Canadian health services are a fucking joke, and I don't have the money to pay. My lack of motivation and drive is especially awful, I broke my hand after punching a mirror when having a mental breakdown and didn't get a checkup after two weeks because I didn't want to go to the hospital in person (they wouldn't pick up the phone to set up an appointment because again it's all pathetic waste of taxpayer money). With my hand being broken I can't return to work because I can't use it and I have no qualifications or ability to look for another because it requires work and effort, and just a lazy fatass. "Try doing something small, take a few moments to clean your room or go outside or something small". Not gonna happen. Why? Idk, I just won't. "Try meditating". Nope.
I don't know what the hell to do at this point. For some reason I still exist, but I just don't do anything besides sit at home. Idk if it's because being a miserable piece of shit is familiar but to me it doesn't matter anyway. If i can just get the energy to hang myself or research a source for SN or some other method then I won't have to deal with this anymore.
Anyone else feel like this? Like the whole world being so far out of reach but wanting to put any effort into doing anything to get there?
'm just lazy and it's much easier to bitch and complain and I don't have the energy or attention span to focus on anything or improve in any field to get good at it. I just literally can't get myself to do anything. I can't even get around to spending whatever money I have left to try and get SN or some other gear to CTB, or even to just hang myself.
I've been waiting since I think June or July for a psychological evaluation but Canadian health services are a fucking joke, and I don't have the money to pay. My lack of motivation and drive is especially awful, I broke my hand after punching a mirror when having a mental breakdown and didn't get a checkup after two weeks because I didn't want to go to the hospital in person (they wouldn't pick up the phone to set up an appointment because again it's all pathetic waste of taxpayer money). With my hand being broken I can't return to work because I can't use it and I have no qualifications or ability to look for another because it requires work and effort, and just a lazy fatass. "Try doing something small, take a few moments to clean your room or go outside or something small". Not gonna happen. Why? Idk, I just won't. "Try meditating". Nope.
I don't know what the hell to do at this point. For some reason I still exist, but I just don't do anything besides sit at home. Idk if it's because being a miserable piece of shit is familiar but to me it doesn't matter anyway. If i can just get the energy to hang myself or research a source for SN or some other method then I won't have to deal with this anymore.
Anyone else feel like this? Like the whole world being so far out of reach but wanting to put any effort into doing anything to get there?
