I feel terror

[Foresight]

I'm coming to realize that I don't have depression. I notice that my thoughts are pretty warm. I always look on the brightside. I always laugh when given the opportunity. I feel joy easily. I feel a lot of good emotions easily.

But there's a terror inside me. My PTSD and anxiety is consuming. I don't know. I'm sitting in bed safe and sound and I'm petrified. There is pure fear in my chest, in my eyes, I can't describe it. I feel like a cornered prey animal.

PTSD is wild. I have the rawest ptsd. It just feels horrifying and you can't talk yourself out of it. I'm going to order some supplements and try some yoga/meditation and see what I can do about this. It feels so much bigger than me. My sunny disposition can't save me from this anxiety.

 

[Smart No More]

That feeling you describe sounds a lot like fight or flight. Is there something that triggers that feeling and does it come and go?


Exercise is really good for burning of that fight or flight feeling. Like literally go with it and run like crazy. Just save enough for the return journey. If you don't want to go out when you're like that then maybe a back yard run. Laps. If that's not an option then a treadmill or some kind of cardio exercise. It's the human bodies natural response to fear. So it seems like your ptsd is causing panic attack type anxiety. It's a horrid feeling and feels so overwhelming and unnatural. It's similar to the feeling of having a bad trip in my experience. I managed to beat panic attacks. I had them suddenly, out of seemingly nowhere many years back and I went to A&E terrified that I didn't know what was happening to me. It was like I had realised something I shouldn't know and my body couldn't handle it. They explained it sounded like panic attacks but never gave me meds or anything. After returning home I found it would come back as soon as I let myself think about anything in detail and it would just run away with me. I overcame it with what I can only describe of selective ignorance. I just had to turn my brain off as soon as I felt it triggering. It was hard at first but over about a month I kind of over came it bit by bit. Before that I had a reputation for being extremely chilled out to the point of being near sleep walking. It left me with a more nervous tendancy about things but my inner feeling in general was perfectly fine. Good in fact. I think it was from smoking too much weed in my youth tbh. I spent about a year tackling it after that and cut weed out completely. Over the year it got easier and easier and I haven't had a panic attack since but I do tend to be a bit of a 'consider every angle' kind of person. I've always been a thinker though. Like I say, switching myself off to everything as it triggered was how I dealt with it. I'm not sure everyone is able to do that and it was definitely challenging at first but got easier. Maybe you can find a way to do the same. Or at least partially. Benzos and opiates certainly help but relying on them is only a temporary measure. I think the chosen ignorance route is better long term in my experience and then sort of taper yourself back into exposure/triggering states bit by bit until you can handle more and more of what triggers you. Dealing with it in small increments is a lot easier than full blast exposure. I've always had to deal with things myself so doing so came naturally but if you're someone that grew up with family support maybe it's worth involving a family member or friend. Best of luck man!

 

[timf]

Anxiety after trauma can be useful. It can help you avoid being vulnerable. Anxiety regarding the possibility of future trauma is less helpful. It can help you to make prudent decisions, however, it can also grow to be a crippling influence.

It might help to make an effort to review your thoughts as to if they are realistic. This can give you a degree of control to help keep those thoughts that are useful and inhibit those that are less so.