W
wilderj
Member
- Jun 28, 2020
- 8
I don't want to be here anymore, and I don't know what to do. Unfortunately, I am the world's biggest coward and won't commit to a method unless I am absolutely certain that it will work, and it seems like not many of those exist. I feel so alone in this. There's no one to talk to. Even though I'm fortunate to have family members and friends who care, they could never understand (which is a good thing for many reasons). There are so many hints or signs that suggest I shouldn't be here, so now I'm just stuck. I feel so close to losing everything--my job, my livelihood, my friends-- and because I can't bring myself to CTB, this will only intensify my misery. So I go and go until I can't go any longer and it's still not good enough. I'M not good enough and it's exhausting. I just really, really don't want to be here. Yet, I know other people are experiencing circumstances far dire than my own; rather than give me perspective or comfort (to know I'm not alone), it just makes me feel like I will never escape this hell.