![ScaredGirl](/data/avatars/l/24/24850.jpg?1608869748)
ScaredGirl
Mimi Ruru- 21 ~ she/her soft, death craving nerd
- Dec 20, 2020
- 71
I tried to make a post of my life story and the things that are tearing me apart but I think it got taken down...
I JUST CANT TAKE IT AND ITS DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY I FEEL NO ENJOYMENT JUST PAIN GUILT AND DYSPHORIA.
Where can I get SN and Meto in the UK If i do this I dont want to end up more disabled
gist is my name is Lillie, I am 21 and trans female. I have chronic depression, general anxiety, social anxiety, gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, Fibromyalgia, Ehlers danlos syndrome, Autism and ADHD.
I hate my face, my body and my voice. I have been on HRT for 2 years and i am 4 years on self voice therapy, I feel my genetics and weight and height have me forever ugly. I want to mutilate the down below parts because they are not the right parts. I try so hard to get help and community but its so triggering and people rae so horrid especially those better off who get results with minimal time and effort.
I have been abused sexually, emotionally, mentally and physically all my life and the cPTSD I have is unbearable I can't function socially or independently I can't make friends, I can't go outside or online. I am isolated and I cant stop breaking down with anxiety, panic and envy. I want to be happy with my face, body, voice, mental health and myself as a person.
I don't want to be here anymore I never have wanted to be here. I have been trying my best to be positive and fix everything for years but things just don't want to get better, I am disabled so i cant get a job or practice things because I am constant pain and can barely move, I am tired of being ugly.
I live in the UK and the NHS are horrible at treating mental health and dysphoria I cant earn money to pay for treatments or get surgeries for my dysphoria but I dont think it can fix these horrid genetics.
I want to end it all with Meto SN and CTB to peace where nobody can hurt me anymore where the pain will end. I need help I need people who won't judge me. My girlfriend she constantly tells me to stop when i feel suicidal when i tell her I am in crisis she scoulds me and I hvae to just be quiet. I am not able to function socially, be cool, be pretty, be attaractive or be skilled. I don't want to be the ugly weird girl who just lives indoors because she is disabled and unwanted.
My family have only finally started making effort to accept me as the woman I am and I am so torn with guilt. these people hvae hurt me all my life and allowed e to be hurt andd my future to be really limited. I dont want to ever hurt anyone I always try to help people but I just cant live with the dysphoria the anxiety the pain the constant comparing myself to others the constant feeling trapped and unable to be good at things accomplish things and live.
I want to take my life but i dont want to be alone on my last days I know I will be forgotten I don't think anyone cares enough for me to even be a TDOR mention despite the massive amount of work and activism I hvae poured into the trans community. I want to be remembered as the REAL FULL girl that I always have been and am.
Please help me, once I get the ingredients and take it there is no turning back. I dont feel loved, wanted or appreciated and I dont feel like anyone has ever really accpeted me as the girl I am, found me attractive or worth their time.
I JUST CANT TAKE IT AND ITS DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY I FEEL NO ENJOYMENT JUST PAIN GUILT AND DYSPHORIA.
Where can I get SN and Meto in the UK If i do this I dont want to end up more disabled
gist is my name is Lillie, I am 21 and trans female. I have chronic depression, general anxiety, social anxiety, gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, Fibromyalgia, Ehlers danlos syndrome, Autism and ADHD.
I hate my face, my body and my voice. I have been on HRT for 2 years and i am 4 years on self voice therapy, I feel my genetics and weight and height have me forever ugly. I want to mutilate the down below parts because they are not the right parts. I try so hard to get help and community but its so triggering and people rae so horrid especially those better off who get results with minimal time and effort.
I have been abused sexually, emotionally, mentally and physically all my life and the cPTSD I have is unbearable I can't function socially or independently I can't make friends, I can't go outside or online. I am isolated and I cant stop breaking down with anxiety, panic and envy. I want to be happy with my face, body, voice, mental health and myself as a person.
I don't want to be here anymore I never have wanted to be here. I have been trying my best to be positive and fix everything for years but things just don't want to get better, I am disabled so i cant get a job or practice things because I am constant pain and can barely move, I am tired of being ugly.
I live in the UK and the NHS are horrible at treating mental health and dysphoria I cant earn money to pay for treatments or get surgeries for my dysphoria but I dont think it can fix these horrid genetics.
I want to end it all with Meto SN and CTB to peace where nobody can hurt me anymore where the pain will end. I need help I need people who won't judge me. My girlfriend she constantly tells me to stop when i feel suicidal when i tell her I am in crisis she scoulds me and I hvae to just be quiet. I am not able to function socially, be cool, be pretty, be attaractive or be skilled. I don't want to be the ugly weird girl who just lives indoors because she is disabled and unwanted.
My family have only finally started making effort to accept me as the woman I am and I am so torn with guilt. these people hvae hurt me all my life and allowed e to be hurt andd my future to be really limited. I dont want to ever hurt anyone I always try to help people but I just cant live with the dysphoria the anxiety the pain the constant comparing myself to others the constant feeling trapped and unable to be good at things accomplish things and live.
I want to take my life but i dont want to be alone on my last days I know I will be forgotten I don't think anyone cares enough for me to even be a TDOR mention despite the massive amount of work and activism I hvae poured into the trans community. I want to be remembered as the REAL FULL girl that I always have been and am.
Please help me, once I get the ingredients and take it there is no turning back. I dont feel loved, wanted or appreciated and I dont feel like anyone has ever really accpeted me as the girl I am, found me attractive or worth their time.
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