Venting i feel so so bad for my therapist

[potatosandfish]

The closer i get to ctb, the more guilty i feel for my therapist. i can tell he is genuinely trying so hard to keep me afloat, and is the main one having to deal with my shitty mood and mental state. i think i'm going to miss him more than my family. he knows more about me than anyone else, and i can't help but feel so sorry. sorry that i'm unfixable. sorry that he's wasted so much time for nothing.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Your therapist seems to be a good one but if your MH issues cannot be fixed - and that can happen - then you should not feel sorry for it bc then it's a fact. If you've tried everything and you come to the conclusion that CTB is the only way to be relieved then this is it. You shouldn't feel sorry.

 

[Reflection]

In my opinion you shouldn't burden yourself with this, your therapist is doing their job after all no matter how unpleasant it is and you're paying him for it, he isn't some sort of samaritan that has been trying to help you out of good will and that's something you should keep in mind. I really do hope you find peace without suicide but even if god forbid, it comes to that, it's not your fault if you've fought the good fight.

 

[dazednconfused]

its okay to feel bad you know? its human nature, in some ways. shows your empathy, but also shows your pain. shows how much you feel and go through.. shows your consideration, and that you acknowledge pains existence. it's very nice you were able to have someone you care about who you feel cares about you, that is sacred and special. don't let anyone take that away from you. know that you have appreciated him in your own way, even if it isn't societies idea of the 'best way' and that you have expressed that in the way you are capable to. you are going to be okay in the end, and so will he. we all will be, because we all die.

 

[radar311]

The closer i get to ctb, the more guilty i feel for my therapist. i can tell he is genuinely trying so hard to keep me afloat, and is the main one having to deal with my shitty mood and mental state. i think i'm going to miss him more than my family. he knows more about me than anyone else, and i can't help but feel so sorry. sorry that i'm unfixable. sorry that he's wasted so much time for nothing.

I feel you so much. That's exactly how I feel about my therapist. I've been many times in psych ward and have also become closer to the staff here. It hurts to see how they all try to help me, but all I can think of is I killing myself..

 

[SVEN]

If you've got a genuine caring therapist, you'll just have to accept that he/she is going to have what they'll count as failures in their professional life just as we all do.
Whether it's you or next week's patient they can't change them all. And, ultimately, that's the goal of therapy. To change your way of thinking and cognitive behaviour. If your belief system and practise remain unchanged then you're just being true to yourself. It's no worse for the therapist than for the Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses who come to my door and leave convinced that I'm damned because I don't change my convictions for theirs. Who says your therapist is correct and you're in the wrong ?

 

[depthss]

i feel the exact same way about my therapist, especially the part about missing him more than family. i can fully empathize with you, its good that you have one of the few good therapists