Venting i feel so selfish for wanting to die

[true-ending]

see, most people arent, but i have an older brother that's really fucking important to me. he said he wont be able to survive having to grieve me but god i just want it to be over already. he knows so many people that are better than me. in fact he knows people that are just like me if i wasn't so fucking sick. sometimes i regret being alive just in the faint hope he would get a better sibling
he found out i tried to CTB the other day (couldnt go through with it, still feel like a fucking coward. i hate SI) and he nearly cried on the phone with me. he looked so viscerally fucking upset but i just can't handle living anymore. i wish he had met someone better than wasnt afraid of being fucking abandoned- really, how fucking stupid, considering IM the one that's going to fucking abandon him- so he would finally get someone better than. this.

 

[sbarra1x]

Hello. What is it that's making you feel so…depressed..for lack of a better word. You don't have to answer ofc but I'm genuinely curious.
You're not going to like hearing this, but when loved ones are involved, regardless of the reasons, taking your own life can certainly be considered as a selfish act.
I'm not saying that to be horrible. And it is a little bit nuanced depending on the circumstances, but you would be causing such horrendous suffering to the people who care about you, even if it is to end your own suffering.
It's a common thing that people with suicidal ideations say. About how (insert loved one here) would be better off without them. Etc. But this is simply not true at all. In fact suicide has quite the opposite effect and irreparably destroys the lives of those left behind, essentially transferring one's suffering onto those close to them.
Is that not selfish?
I know things are seldom so black and white, and the fact that you're suffering is not being cast aside here. It's important, and you're important. But when there are others involved, they count too.
The people who love you, love you for a reason. You may not be able to understand why. You may not be able to love yourself. But they do, and that matters.

 

[true-ending]

Hello. What is it that's making you feel so…depressed..for lack of a better word. You don't have to answer ofc but I'm genuinely curious.
You're not going to like hearing this, but when loved ones are involved, regardless of the reasons, taking your own life can certainly be considered as a selfish act.
I'm not saying that to be horrible. And it is a little bit nuanced depending on the circumstances, but you would be causing such horrendous suffering to the people who care about you, even if it is to end your own suffering.
It's a common thing that people with suicidal ideations say. About how (insert loved one here) would be better off without them. Etc. But this is simply not true at all. In fact suicide has quite the opposite effect and irreparably destroys the lives of those left behind, essentially transferring one's suffering onto those close to them.
Is that not selfish?
I know things are seldom so black and white, and the fact that you're suffering is not being cast aside here. It's important, and you're important. But when there are others involved, they count too.
The people who love you, love you for a reason. You may not be able to understand why. You may not be able to love yourself. But they do, and that matters.

oh, it's just cause he's really the only person that loves me, lol. i love him a lot but i suffer so much everywhere else, you know? he's suicidal too. he would understand. and unlike me, he has other people that like him! whereas for me he's. uh. all i have, lol. i think youre right though. sometimes i really really consider staying just for him. it might be selfish, but i've always wanted to die. sometimes the idea of it hurting people is almost enticing. i want to rid the world of my selfishness already.

 

[Death_or_Coffee]

This is obviously super difficult. Sorry you're in this position. It's worth saying that your brother certainly doesn't wish you were anyone else. It sounds like he very much loves you and the point isn't that there are people you feel are better than you. If he cares about you the way it sounds, he loves you for being you and nothing else. That's how it should be. So it'll hurt him and there's nothing you can really do about that if you're committed and he stays here. He would obviously be overjoyed if there was a way for you to get better and he could watch you live a happier, more fulfilling life. That would be the ideal scenario. I don't know exactly what you're going through so I don't know if that's a possibility.

That being said, I'm planning to do the same thing and I have family members I know it will hurt very much. It's an unavoidable thing at this point though. It's not my fault, and it's not their fault. It's just a situation that sucks and I feel like if they could put all the emotions away and logically wish what's best for me, they would be able to come to terms with my decision. But humans are emotional and the grief is going to be there no matter what.

So basically, it'll hurt, but you're not being selfish if there is no other choice. If your situation is miserable and you know what you want, then trying to stop you would be selfish. Regardless of others' emotional reactions, you have to do what's best for you in this case. If there's a chance your situation can improve so you and your brother can continue to be there for each other, that would be great. Only you know if that's something that can happen.

Can't help you with the SI issue. Still trying to figure my way over that myself.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think the true selfish thing would be expecting one to stay here and continue to suffer when they wish to be gone. Continuing to exist is a personal decision not an obligation but anyway it must be a difficult situation to be in, anyway I wish you the best.

 

[CheekyPhobia]

Ultimately it's your decision but don't let that hold you back if you're truly suffering. Sometimes we need to put our selves first and that may come at the expense of others. I'm going to make sure in my note, when I go, that no one could have done anything to change my outcome and that I don't want them to grieve.