Venting I feel so lonely, the only cure is to CTB

[SmallRedHawk]

I try and try but over and over I'm rejected. It always turns out the same. I feel like I'm gonna be lonely forever. Why can't I find someone to share the love I want to feel? Why do all the people in my life get to feel that love, while I'm here trying the hardest and ending up the unluckiest? I'm so incredibly lonely. I feel even lonelier when I am with people. I can only feel happy when I'm sharing a deep and intimate connection, but over and over I'm left behind. I'm sick of hearing "They weren't the one! You'll find someone, they're out there!" What if there isn't ever someone who will love me like I love them? Why do I have to wait, when many others find theirs with ease? I know I'm doing a whole lot of complaining, but I'm at the end of the road. I can't take the pain anymore.

It's not easy to get out in the world and meet new people when I'm stuck, impoverished in a rural town with a bunch of wankers. I don't have hope that I will ever be able to hold down a job that won't make me want to kill myself. It's too hard getting out of bed and having responsibilities.

It feels as if my only option is to CTB. It might as well happen now than after more years of suffering. There is no way I am letting myself grow old. I would rather have this last choice at choosing my time and place of death than potentially die in a painful accident or become bedridden and overrun with ailments at an old age. I have attempted partial hanging and suffocation, both failed. The latter alarmed my survival instinct too much. Partial hanging did not work, I could only manage to compress the jugulars, but it's looking like my only viable option at the moment. I will not give up, I will keep trying until I can pass out with ease, and then I'll have the freedom to leave whenever I please. I'm over dealing with the pain. And as selfish as it sounds, I don't care what grief it brings my family.

 

[BirdNamedRose]

I try and try but over and over I'm rejected. It always turns out the same. I feel like I'm gonna be lonely forever. Why can't I find someone to share the love I want to feel? Why do all the people in my life get to feel that love, while I'm here trying the hardest and ending up the unluckiest? I'm so incredibly lonely. I feel even lonelier when I am with people. I can only feel happy when I'm sharing a deep and intimate connection, but over and over I'm left behind. I'm sick of hearing "They weren't the one! You'll find someone, they're out there!" What if there isn't ever someone who will love me like I love them? Why do I have to wait, when many others find theirs with ease? I know I'm doing a whole lot of complaining, but I'm at the end of the road. I can't take the pain anymore.

It's not easy to get out in the world and meet new people when I'm stuck, impoverished in a rural town with a bunch of wankers. I don't have hope that I will ever be able to hold down a job that won't make me want to kill myself. It's too hard getting out of bed and having responsibilities.

It feels as if my only option is to CTB. It might as well happen now than after more years of suffering. There is no way I am letting myself grow old. I would rather have this last choice at choosing my time and place of death than potentially die in a painful accident or become bedridden and overrun with ailments at an old age. I have attempted partial hanging and suffocation, both failed. The latter alarmed my survival instinct too much. Partial hanging did not work, I could only manage to compress the jugulars, but it's looking like my only viable option at the moment. I will not give up, I will keep trying until I can pass out with ease, and then I'll have the freedom to leave whenever I please. I'm over dealing with the pain. And as selfish as it sounds, I don't care what grief it brings my family.

I understand to an extent what your going through, lately I feel so lonely and I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore, I went from being at the highest point in my life ever to my lowest low in a few hours, lost an amazing job and got dumped, tried to CTB back in October and just when I seemed to pick myself up it got way worse. I don't have any wisdom or anything that can change things for the better in the blink of an eye but I'd be willing to talk so we're both not lonely or as lonely.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry life brought you to this point. Loneliness can kill and I can feel with you how awful your life situation is atm. I don't know how you could solve this but could you move to another place (ofc I'm aware that depends on your age, your job and many other things) and it's also not an easy task. That fact that you still hesitate with partial shows that you have not given up hope completely and you're not ready to leave right now. That's fine! If you think there is really not other way out you should look into "easier" methods but remember that once CTB is successful there is no way back even if you may find your love later. I wish you all the best!

 

[The anhedonic one]

I'm with you here all the way.
Even if I find someone and begin a friendship or relationship it always goes wrong.
I find that the vast majority of people in the world lack any real empathy and sense of commitment.
They also lie and let you down for no logical reason.
I feel dreadfully lonely sometimes, yet putting myself into a relationship or friendship ever again is a no go.
I will only end up getting hurt by other people, and this is a 100% guaranteed fact.
It is absolutely impossible to be happy in this world, and other people cause so much misery for others.
I think another big problem of mine is that I am an Empath.
Being an Empath is emotionally draining and often devastating.
I just feel too much and love too much, so expect others to love me and commit to me as fiercely as I love them.
It's a no win situation, because things are so one-sided.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Life is so brutally difficult for some of us.
I'm here to talk if you need someone.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do get that loneliness is painful for so many in this world but the reality is that you just cannot trust and rely on other people anyway, it's horrible how humans very often just create more suffering.

But of course it's really understandable wishing to take control over your inevitable fate as to me suicide certainly is the best way to die as we are just waiting for death anyway so I'd prefer to exit on my own terms. Ageing and decaying from old age certainly sounds so horrific to me, there's too much unnecessary suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.