Venting I feel so guilty for CTBing abroad but I don’t think I can do it at home

[ljknljnlkjn]

CTBing while abroad means that my family would have to go through a huge expensive hassle to get my body back home for the burial. But I'm the other hand, here I have the option of SN whereas at home it wouldn't be possible.

I also can't stomach the thought of my mom finding my dead in my bed by chance. Then just getting the body flown from abroad sounds better to me.

Oh God it's so horrible. It's all so horrible. Mom please forgive me. You and my sister don't deserve this. I'm so sorry

 

[loopdaloop]

It is expensive to transport a dead body but at least that way they'll see the body only after maintenance and preparation, maybe it's a good trade-off

 

[ljknljnlkjn]

Good news, I just remembered that I had some insurance package because I'm currently on an exchange semester. It says it has unlimited coverage for repatriation of moral remains in case of death.
Maybe if I print it an keep it next to me, it can be used to cover the expenses.
It says in the policy that the coverage excludes Suicide :/ Maybe I can manage SWB to make it look like an accident

 

[ljknljnlkjn]

Actually, it seems that the suicide exclusion clause is referring to a specific reimbursement of participation in sport activities not in general.
Current plan: Print insurance documents and a list of numbers that could be helpful in returning my body and contacting my family. Including the number of a guy from my country who also knows my family but is in the same city as me right now.
I'll take out the money in my bank account and leave it along with my passport and insurance documents and notes next to my bed. Take SN, and pass away in my bed until I get discovered.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck with your plans, I find it so dreadful how it has to be so complicated to die on our own terms. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave you find the freedom you search for.

 

[ljknljnlkjn]

Thank you!

 

[ljknljnlkjn]

I just found out that the embassy of my country covers the cost of returning the body. First time I'm pleasantly surprised by anything from this shitty country.

Also I saw on a Facebook group that the cost of returning the body (if not carried but the embassy) is 3000 EUR. That's doable and is not a huge deal compared to the CTB

I'm now much more at peace. I don't feel rushed to CTB while on my exchange semester for the insurance anymore. Might still do it, but things are kinda okay now. I'm gonna continue preparing (getting stuff for SN) and gradually reduce my belongings which I've wanted to do anyway.

The thought of going to sleep and never waking up in my own bed in my dorm is way more comforting than doing it rushed while I'm on exchange. There are a lot of people who know me there and can help get my body to my family. This feels more right than doing it in a foreign country where it'd be a hassle to find out how to contact my family at all, and it wouldn't be clear who would deal with my body.

 

[scattymessyhuman]

CTBing while abroad means that my family would have to go through a huge expensive hassle to get my body back home for the burial. But I'm the other hand, here I have the option of SN whereas at home it wouldn't be possible.

I also can't stomach the thought of my mom finding my dead in my bed by chance. Then just getting the body flown from abroad sounds better to me.

Oh God it's so horrible. It's all so horrible. Mom please forgive me. You and my sister don't deserve this. I'm so sorry

I hadn't thought of doing this but i'll consider this option

 

[chronicpain123]

Please just rethink this. Share your burdens with ppl close to you, in some cases they can truely make things better. I know life is fuckin difficult man but after rain there is usually sunshine. Who knows maybe you'll find something youre deeply passionate about which has helped for me to get away from these kinds of thoughts. But if youre a 1000% sure that youre going to do it I truely hope you can get some kind of peace soon.

 

[lionetta12]

CTBing while abroad means that my family would have to go through a huge expensive hassle to get my body back home for the burial. But I'm the other hand, here I have the option of SN whereas at home it wouldn't be possible.

I also can't stomach the thought of my mom finding my dead in my bed by chance. Then just getting the body flown from abroad sounds better to me.

Oh God it's so horrible. It's all so horrible. Mom please forgive me. You and my sister don't deserve this. I'm so sorry

I'm pretty sure travel & accident insurance covers stuff like that, most cover severe accidents and sudden deaths abroad. Mine does and I'd prefer to and also plan to do it abroad if I have to CTB eventually. Those insurances aren't that expensive either.

An influencer in my country was found passed away in a foreign country on holiday, but her family couldn't get her body home because it was too expensive and she had no travel insurance.